Trauma abuse bonding is a connection between someone who has been abusing an individual, like a predator, or child abuser? Sometimes, yet, not always. It is like when you are at a nightclub with someone you just met, dancing and having a good time, then he says, “do you want to go somewhere to eat? We’ll go in my car, I promise to bring you right back,” and you have just been kidnaped, or he has forced himself on you and taken you to his dwelling and forced you to stay.
He is sexually abusing you and he said he is not going to let you go until you say, “you love him.” He beats you; he rapes you and does what he wants with you. Then he washes you down gently, with clean warm soapy water, and says he hopes he “didn’t hurt you too much” then asks, “are you hungry?” and says, “I want you to stay with me and be my wife.”
When that person does as their told and is rewarded with kindness. The person kidnaped then, is just trying to survive the situation. He talks to her and they get acquainted. A bonding begins. He tells his story and how he was abandoned at the age of three and went knocking at neighbor’s houses for food. Now you start having feelings for him.
Stockholm syndrome is a specific kind of trauma bond, it refers to someone captive and developing positive feelings for their captors. Controlling the kidnaped by force and kindness.
If you think he’s just misunderstood, and may actually be a nice person who you think you could help, you are suffering from what they call, Stockholm syndrome.
Human form attachments is a means of survival. The feeling of attachment can be contributed to a trauma bond, as a pattern of abuse and “I hope I did not hurt you too badly.” Adults form attachments to others who provide comfort after abuse. This is an unhealthy attachment.
Things like this happen in many other countries regularly. This was one of the ways my mother met her first husband. My mom was 13 years old. My mom was walking home with another friend when suddenly a man on a horse picked her up like a rag doll and rode off with her. Someone killed her husband when she was 15 years old. That’s a story she told all of her daughters. I have never forgotten that story. Scary…
Grateful behavior may also cause further bonding because he could have really hurt me, a captive person could become accustomed to the violent treatment and feels it is a small price to pay for a kindness. During this time of the abuse, a captive person could say, yes, I deserved the abuse.
- “I made him angry”, “it’s my fault”
- “He acts that way because he loves me so much.”
- “He’s under a lot of pressure”
- “I can’t leave him; he is the love of my life.
- “But I love him.”
- I mentioned earlier in my writings, that I had a client that believed,” If he does not hit me, it is because he does not love me.”
- Beliefs there is no escape
Breaking the trauma bond will be very difficult and may take some time. This person may still feel that love, and loyalty. Even if that person leaves the abuser they will be tempted to return because they believe that is real love, they have been so deeply conditioned. It will feel like an addiction or a need to be with that abuser. Again, it will feel like an addiction, a need, a desire, confused with love.
Safety planning:
This safety plan will have to be planned very carefully, once the captive person has had enough, and that time will come. All in good time. Especially, if there are children involved. It will have to be very carefully planned. You will need someone to help with the resources. Car, shelter, protection from the abuser. Call someone you trust. Only you know how the abuser will react if caught. Call the National Domestic violence hotline, open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. At 1800 799 7233. They will be able to help and answer all your questions. Or call 911. I will send the Divine white light for protection and courage to you. Many blessings and God Bless.