But who knows why I said “Si”? I don’t know, but it was a lie.… Then he showed me a bigger finger (I know now that it wasn’t a bigger finger but from the eyes of a 5-year-old child….) he told me to place my hands on it and feel it. Did he place his hands over my hands, moving my hands violently up and down over his other bigger finger?
I closed my eyes and when I opened them, there was this substance that looked like white hand lotion only on my hands, running down my elbows and on my pretty dress.
Tio Lucio grabbed a yellow dirty crunchie hand towel that he must have kept under the seat and wiped my hands and dress with it and then himself. “Can I go play on the merry-go-round now?”
But it was now getting dark.
He grabbed my underwear and helped me put them on. But I really just wanted to go home. I said, “I want to go home…”
It was dark outside now. I remember sitting away from him as he drove me back home. He did not stop in front of the house.
His arm crossed over me as he opened the passenger door and I remember jumping out running to the door of my house.
Tio Lucio drove away. I heard my brother yell “she’s home!”
“You are in big trouble”.
My mom asked, “Were you at the park?” I nodded yes and she spanked me with the belt and said, “Never to do that again especially by myself.” She stated she had sent the boys to look for me and they did not find me.
My mom would emphasize each syllable of her words with each strike of the belt. Hadn’t she seen my red eyes from crying so much? Didn’t I look like a mess?
Mom was so mad, she really didn’t see me or tried to hear what I was trying to tell her. I looked right at her face and eyes. Mom never looked directly into my eyes or face. Why?
I forgive her now because I did the same thing to my children; spank first and talk later. I am sure my mother had to deal with the same kind of guilt later.
My mom also worried because we lived close to the Labor Camp. The Labor Camp was like a village full of people who followed the harvests.
Some with their families, but mainly men. As I got into school, I had many friends (kids) there. But that’s another story for another time.
My next memory is that it happened again… I somehow found myself inside my Tio Lucio’s truck at the park… again. This time, it hurt much more, he started off with him penetrating me using his fingers.
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see the expressions he would make with his face. Then he inserted something that hurt much more and so bad, I screamed and yelled for him to stop! He covered my mouth with his dirty fingers.
I remember the taste, the smell… on them. He was on top of me! He would not stop! He sounded like a bear to me. I would open my eyes at times just to check to see what kind of animal this was!
I was just a scrawny, skinny little 5-year-old girl! I was just a small girl! I saw a lot of red around me, blood. Lots of blood. The last thing I remember… I was feeling cold wrapped in a yellow towel seeing the world go around and around. I fell asleep…