With the restrictions on socializing due to the pandemic, it is getting harder to find a good date or partner. Did you spend new Year with someone online? How did that work for you? Well, it was better than nothing.
Other than the pandemic, why is it harder to find a good partner? Are we ready for a relationship? Or are we lonely? There are many questions you could ask yourself.
- Do I feel lonely?
- Am I so lonely, am I really ready for a relationship? A relationship takes time away from you.
- How is your self-esteem rating? This action could hurt your feelings.
- How much am I willing to give of myself.
- If you have children, how much of your time and attention are you willing to deprive them? (That’s a tough question.)
- How good are you feeling about yourself?
- It is just for having safe sex? Okay? My place or yours?
- How many people do you know, that met “online dating,” has worked for them? Just two doesn’t count.
First of all, just dating alone, can be scary. Our first date is always uncomfortable. Remember? We are always nervous when we are on a date. We want that person to like us. We went shopping and bought ourselves a new outfit, after looking in our closet and could not find something decent to wear. Got a new hairstyle, shoes to match our outfit, (if you’re a woman) Showered if you’re a man. Got a haircut.
At first, you don’t want to put in too much time on this person. You might not “hit it off”. So, you prepare for this too. Have a friend ring your phone after, however minutes you two planned for. “Oh, I have to get this,” Excuse me”. You can take it from there.
So, you have been talking online, you both exchanged phone numbers and now you have been talking on the phone, you’re getting to know each other enough to now, you feel you have invested enough time and want to meet somewhere. Where would you meet? With the pandemic?
There’s a good question, you willing to respect the 6 feet distancing, for safety reasons, of course. Wear a mask, how romantic is that. I would like to suggest, if you still obey, those safety rules, go to a “casino”. If there is one close to where you live. Find out in your area, but I understand they are remaining open. Please check it out first on your own.
But when you met, the chemistry was not there. But he was nice. He wanted to take you to his place. He wanted to show you his art, he paints. You agreed. Did you feel coerced, to going to his place?
He is an artist and wants to impress you, by showing you his art. He offers you some wine. It’s appropriate to enjoy some drinks together on a first date. You two continue to talk, your feeling comfortable.
The problem happens when things get out of hand. There could be an ulterior motive. That person wants to have sex. You are not really ready, but that other person insists. You just got raped. Now What? Some people may think, that’s Okay, you asked for it. No! it is not okay; Did not consent to sex?
This can be very traumatizing for you. More than 35 percent of victims experienced date rape. It’s important, that you know your drinking limits. I know, it helps sometimes to drink a little to get through that first date nervousness. But it could lead to some post-traumatic stress disorder. (PSTD)
- Have you started feeling depressed?
- Have you started feeling frightened about dating again and meeting new people?
- Has this experience, stopped you from “online dating”?
- Do you get upset or angry, when you get “hits” one-line dating?
- How about anxiety, talking about your experience with “online dating”?
- Shutting down the dating platforms.
If you are not getting better, please, get some help. Talk to someone who understands, get professional help. Call the following phone number for questions you might have about getting help or want to file charges. National Sexually assault line 1800- 656-4673 open 24/7you want to file charges;
- Do not shower, go directly to the police, and ask for a rape kit. They will take it from there. Or
- Go to the hospital. E. R. emergency room, they will take care of you too. Rape kit. They could give you more information and take care of your injuries.
- Call someone, you trust. A friend, family.
- Take notes, or write down any details that can help you, if you plan to press charges.
- Do not be afraid to press charges.
- Take care of yourself. Take therapy, or join a support group. (this truly helps)
You can do some of these things for yourself, that’s great. If not, your emotional and your mental health deserves to heal and process your experience. Please do not listen to your voice of shame and guilt, get professional help. If you can call the National Sexual assault line 1800-656-4673 that is the first step, there will be someone to walk with you, the rest of the way.
Please be careful, whenever you are meeting people for the first time. Sometimes just meeting online is not enough. Now more than ever with this pandemic, it may not be as easy to physically meet someone. But let me assure you, there are good and safe people out there, you just have to be careful about it.
Many Blessings to you and your new way of living.