I am writing about death, grieving, it is like another blow to the heart. Haven’t we suffered enough? Grief hurts just as bad, if not more. I just got the news that one of my older sisters died. During this time of the pandemic. the funeral had to be limited. So out of respect for my other family, I did not attend the funeral services.
My sister’s immediate family did not want videos taken, so we could not see them. No one disrespected their wishes. One of my nieces was unable to come to her mom’s funeral. This is the fourth sister I have lost. Out of 14 of us, only nine of my siblings remain. It sounds like a lot of families still left, but not when you’re missing a few.
I miss my sisters so much; it is hard to put feelings into words. I understand crying is OK. Missing them is OK. My spiritual beliefs help me to understand the why?
They are in a better world, no pain. What you or I believe in, could be a wonderful resource for grief recovery or if you are religious and believe in hell!
Or purgatory, a place to dwell until judgment day. Then how am I supposed to deal with that? I will have to pray her out of there, what am I supposed to do? Or is believing in my past church teachings, like a barrier for us to heal.
Life is Death
I was told that death is part of the life cycle. Why? It hurts so damn much. Is it like the menstrual cycle? You can’t stop it unless you’re giving life to a child. How ironic, isn’t it? No control…
What Can You Say?
Some friends will also pull back and some of my other family, will not talk to me because they really do not know what to say. They speak my sister’s name and I break down. You feel abandoned.
The thing you can say is, “I am sorry for your loss,” and back away. And for god’s sake, don’t say, “I know what you are going through.” This is not the time when the heart wound is open and bleeding.
To hurt is part of being a real and alive human being. They say one of the ways to heal from grief is to talk about the person. My sister and I were close. We were closer in age. My sister was the prettiest one of all of us, eight girls. She was my mom’s favorite. When my sister would visit my mother just after we were all married, my sister would come to visit and clean her house and would be doing the chores for her.
When I would come to visit, my sister had already cleaned the house, so I would be spending quality time with my mom. We spent time talking. I loved that and I miss her, so much. My mom died when she was 52 years old. She died too young.
What Can You Do?
The following was what I was told to do after the death of my loved one;
- Take care of yourself. Make sure that my physical health is good.
- Keep doing what is routine in my life, go to bed at my regular time. Even if I don’t feel sleepy. Do not drink alcohol or do drugs, they are not the answer.
- Instead, I should meditate, do yoga, pray for my sister to be happy for her, no matter where she may be.
- It’s OK to cry, crying will heal me as long as I express myself emotionally.
- Talk about my sister, to those who know how it feels to lose a loved one.
- For me to make time for myself. If I needed to be alone, find time to do so.
Well, my friends thank you for allowing me to mourn my sister and my mother. It helps to have someone to talk to and cry with. I pray that when it happens to you, God will give you the courage and the right answers. I was also told that death is a universal experience, it happens to all of us.
Many blessings to all of us.
Thank you for being here for me.