When you are in physiotherapy, one thing you do is they take you back into childhood. Were you loved, by your family? Especially by Mother. It’s really amazing that when a mother is blamed for the reason that you are screwed up.
The traumatized inner child feels better, maybe not completely healed, but it’s a good start, right? Sometimes there are healings and Mom is seen in a different light. All is forgiven. But not always.
Was it really mom? Why, because she did not protect me? Did you tell her someone molested you? Someone traumatized you. Back in the day, we told our mom, but what if she did not believe what happens to us. Mom would say” she likes to invent things; tells stories you know how kids are?”.
Sometimes you feel like you were loved, but sometimes you didn’t really feel the love. Now that you are an adult, you learn how to treat your children. At first, you didn’t hug them but when they hugged you. That made you feel love. Is that what love is? you just melted, when they’d say “I love you, mommy.” Did my mom not feel that?
You love your children back, hugs kisses, saying loving words. You missed all this when you were young. How could she of spanked me? “It’s going to hurt me more than it going to hurt you” it did hurt me so bad just to scold the kids.
I sometimes cried with them. My mom would always say “it’s going to hurt me more than it hurts you right now?” Mothers did the best they could. My mom as well did not receive much love.
What happened to them that they acted as they acted? There could have been other factors, but maybe mom did not have someone to protect her from a family crime. Who knows, because we just go on with life. We get married to someone, just to get off a dramatic family.
I know I got my resilience from my mother. Women are taught to stay with the man that they have chosen, at least I was. Back in the day, that’s was how I was raised. God brought me Charlie Brown; I should feel so lucky to have a man.
My mom taught us, we do not divorce our husbands. We stay because of our kids. Even if they beat you and your kids. “Till Death do us part.”
My mom was resilient, I am so proud of her for staying, but I didn’t. My mother died before I got married, and something, she said to me was ” I do not really worry about you, because of who you are…
How do I know if I am healing from all the trauma? That’s a good question. When your life is not always in chaos? Am I happy? Yes, there have been times I wake up and feel good. Nothing hurts, I feel joyous and happy.
That could be a sign that I am healing and so can you. By looking for a professional therapist or mental health professional. There are so many resources to assist with your healings. We cannot always heal ourselves. It takes much discipline and daily structure in our life. We start with a structure and a routine that we will try to stick to. It is not easy, but healing is the goal here.
I read somewhere, a favorite object of yours broke, something very precious to you. So you try to glue it back together, but it will not look the same but your precious item can look like you place it back together, but you can place a ribbon, or glitter glue, glue a pretty object on it.
Because it is precious to you, it will have a better look to it. Maybe it may not look the same but it will still look precious to you and it will be the same object only better. So will you.
We will not be the old us but, the better us. We learn by our experiences. Our parent/s made us who we are today. Resilience and we are thriving in our lives if we still want to get up, shake the dust off, and continue with our goals, our structure, and our resilience.
As a mom, I did the best I could. They’re not in prison, involved with the police, or on drugs. Is that a good sign?