Author: Rosa M Luna

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How to Heal from Childhood Trauma

Healing from childhood trauma is not easy. As an adult however, it is possible to heal. If you want to get over your past trauma, you first need to understand how it affects you. If you experience trauma in childhood, you will be having trouble in keeping up with the daily routines of life.

Just deciding what to wear to work is very stressful to start off the day. That’s if you can keep a job. Childhood trauma, as I have mentioned before, effects almost all aspects of our lives. This effects how you work with others. Being intimate with your significant other, friends, co-workers, and authority figures. There could be many more problems that we have not touched on yet, all depending on your experience.

There are some techniques from which you can recover from the trauma of childhood.

  • Distance yourself from toxic people:

Not that you are religious, but we do give the bible some respect. It says in     1 Corinthians chapter 15 verse 33 that “Bad associations spoil good habits”.

There is a saying in Spanish that my Mama Luna would repeat to me frequently when I was young, “Dime con quien te yuntas y te dire quien eres.” Tranlation -“Tell me who you hang around with, and I will describe what kind of person you are.”

Healing needs a peaceful and nurturing environment to grow in. If those whom you choose to associate with are using drugs, drinking, cannot hold jobs, lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate you, you are associating with toxic people who are poisonous to you and your healing process.

  • Healing, cannot take place in a toxic environment.

Things to help you heal from childhood trauma is to remove toxic encounters in life. Many things and everything that you can control or change that is toxic in your life need to be removed. “May God give you the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. (Sound familiar? It’s part of the Serenity Prayer). I use this prayer to help me remember that I cannot control other stupid people.

When I am not feeling safe or comfortable.  I can only control how I feel and how I want to my environment to be.

  • Learn self-regulation

Developing simple mindfulness techniques like breathing, relaxation, and meditation can help you realize you can make things better.  Meditation and yoga can calm your mind, enhance your life physically and emotionally.

  • Sometimes it is difficult to sleep. Sleeping gives the body time to heal the mind.

Avoid caffeine during the day. That includes sodas, some contain caffeine. Drink plenty of water, mix in some lemon to add flavor. Plus, drinking lemon water is good for the gut and lowers belly fat.

  • Seeking support from those you trust.

Sometimes it’s not possible to heal from childhood trauma alone. If you want to find your way back to harmony, start by seeking support from those you trust.

  • Eat!

Do you remember when you were a child, seeing someone get very grumpy when they or you were just hungry? In my personal experience, I would start getting angry or frustrated because I was hungry. But I did not realize that’s, what it was.

  • Start getting in touch with your body. Listen to it. How?

By eating healthy and at the regular times, it gives your brain the fuel needed to heal. Minimize your symptoms of anger, anxiety and depression by eating a well-balanced nutritious diet.

Sometimes your body is trying to tell you to get some rest, when your nose is getting stuffed, your throat is getting scratchy, you just might be coming down with a cold. Listen to your body symptoms, it is trying to tell you something. Are you taking your vitamins?  Our body does not always get the nutrients it needs from our food and vegetables.

  • Socialize

Trauma forces you to isolate yourself sometimes. When you are healing, try to engage with more people. Explore new things, join other support groups, you may meet others who have gone through what you are going through right now and they will understand. It can give you the good association you needed in this time to heal. You will start to feel, that you are now in safe surroundings. But please, continue pay attention to your body signals, or your gut. If it does not feel right, it may not be.

Considering the physical and mental health issues that occur alongside childhood trauma, it is very important to find an experienced medical specialist or therapist that can help you with your physical, mental, and emotional healing. It might take more than one specialist.

Some specialists or therapists can use the inner-child process to get in connection with and spending some time with your inner child and comfort him or her.  Reassure your inner child that now you are in a loving and safer place.

You can resolve the hurts of childhood that lives inside you, by having your healer use some of those methods to heal yourself.

Allow yourself to recognize all the techniques you have used to keep yourself safe. Be real with yourself while recognizing all the coping strategies that you have learned. They may not be working in your best interests.

The incidents and things that happened in our childhood shape us forever.  But remember to let go of the past, love yourself and forgive yourself unconditionally and remember that you are not alone.

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How to Stop Ongoing Trauma and Abuse

This is a delicate subject. Let me tell you why, because when there is abuse and its someone else abusing you whether it be physically, due to violence, verbal abuse, as in emotional abuse, or any other violation toward you or a loved one. Its pretty scary, abuse is abuse. Especially when it effects your everyday peace or regular way of life.

Let’s call what it is. ABUSE! There are some steps you will need to take for yourself. Be honest to yourself. Try to identify the conditions, or the experiences that are true about your life. Try to be as real as you can about your life. How safe are your children? How safe are you? What can you do about it? Do you feel out of control of your own life and safety?

Deciding what to do is one the most difficult things to consider. Believe me, I know. One of the common characteristics of a person who has experienced emotional injury has the tendency to want to be “alone.” “I can do this by myself.” “I will trust in the Lord and the Lord only.” And, “I will not reach to any other human being for help,” “no one needs to know.” It’s embarrassing and you do not want to appear to be weak, or “wrong.”

That sounds like a step of faith, and for some people it is. But these words are sometimes words that come out of someone who wants to avoid anything that might be threatening, fearful, may have lost faith, or touch with reality. Sometimes, we feel like we have no support, or encouragement, and understanding.

My story. I was married to a very abusive man. On top of that he drank frequently, but not enough to fall asleep due to extreme drinking.  But he drank, I knew I was going to get a beating. I was afraid for my children. I too felt alone. I had family, but did not want them to get involved because I was afraid, he could hurt them too. He said so, and I believed him. I felt so hopeless.

One night, he came home drunk, and beat me.

The next day, I went to work and my co-worker saw my face. “Why do you stay with that man?” I was afraid of him. My sweet and understanding co-worker took me to the hospital.

He had broken my nose, cracked my skull.  I looked at myself in the mirror in the ER. I also had a black eye, it was swollen. Couldn’t see too well out of it.

I was a J. W. back then, and very religious.  Anyway, I left him the next day. But I could not do it alone. The doctor stated he felt I was suffering from “Battered Wife Syndrome.”

Back then, doctors we not required to report these incidents to the police.  But he did ask me, “Why was I still with this person?” “Do I not care what will happen to my Kids, if this man kills me?” “Who is going to love them and care for them, if something happens to me?” I went home and thought about this.

Battered Wife Syndrome is a pattern of signs and symptoms displayed by a woman who has suffered persistent intimate partner violence. Whether it is psychologically, physically, or sexual violence from her partner. It is classified in the ICO-9 as Battered Person Syndrome. But is not in the DSM-5 diagnosis book as a sub- category of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

My friend who took me to the hospital helped me. I owed her my life. She gave me the courage to call the police and we stayed at her house. The next day, my friend helped me get a “restraining order.” He could not come within 500 feet of me.  I was finally, safe!

What can you do to stop this abuse?

  • First call the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Hot Line 1-800-799-7233 (safe)

Open 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

  • Get yourself and/or your children to a safe place. Other resources can take you to a “women’s safe house.” Call 911 this helps tremendously, because documentation is extremely important.
  • Very soon after- get help through the Department of Health and Welfare. They can help with the basic’s necessities of daily life.
  • They can also refer you to professional assistance or a therapist for your PTSD. You will later be aware how you will benefit from this.
  • Take your time to get your zest for empowerment for you and your children
  • Join as many support groups as you can and stay with the ones that make you feel good. Look for support groups in your area.

It will be an enormous help for you to be able to get together with others who know exactly what you’re going through and who have already discovered ways of responding to it.

We have confidence in you. You can make a difference in peoples lives. We are here to tell others that there is hope.

 

 

 

 

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How does trauma affect teachers, caregivers, and life coaches?

As a person who cares about others and work in a social workers position. I worked with the Chronically Mentally ill for over 20 years. As I talked to my clients and they told me their stories, I felt compassion for them. I became a case manger when I first started working for a mental health institution.

I was involved in making sure my clients saw their doctors and monitored their medications.

At that time, all who wanted to come in everyday and wanted to be   involved in a  program, where they could socialize with others who suffered mental illnesses as well and would attend if their symptoms would flaring up. This helped to get more help as needed, or be around people who understood their symptoms. Even thou trauma is not a mental illness, it could lead to mental illness.

Traumatic minds often accelerate their emotions outwardly that affect the people around them. Think about the person who’s perpetually dealing with traumatic people. who at times are angary, depressed, and feeling  everyone is a threat.

How does trauma affect teachers, caregivers, and life coaches?

Ultimately, they are affected by this. Specially those who spend an average day with them, trying to heal them with different therapies, activities and methods. They always try to recoup with your stress points and help them to navigate those heavy emotions that at times, disappoints the care provider.

It directly affects the minds of teachers as well these daily consulting meeting draining  their mind, makes them exhausted shattering their thoughts with their trauma statements that are really an indurate work to deal with them this type of trauma is called secondary trauma that transfers from a traumatic patient to towards consulting, councilors, life coaches or teachers and care takers of the elderly.

They are the ones who directly get exposed to traumatic patients. And they spend most of the time with them by taking care of them through all kinds of sessions and enduring their every kind of behavior that may affect their own lives.

If you live with a person who is facing trauma issues.  You are the person who is directly involve in their surroundings most of the time.  God forbid, they could harm you or express their anger due to these factors that make them feel devastated and stressful at the moment that you just happen to be there at the wrong time.

After completing any therapy sessions with your client. you go home and the discussions in  session you had with your client, keeps coming into your mind.

Especially if you feel you could of done something different to assist them more if the discussion was suidicidal ideation. this keeps revolving around and around in your thoughts “Did this action, stop that thought of suicide?

if you did not feel that you found a particular technique to diminishing that thought. It’s going to change into depression and affect your mental health poorly and your peace of mind. As professionals we too need to take care of ourselves.

It is something we sometimes do not think for ourselves, talking to another professional when we are coming down with depression or a thought just are not able to shake. Please remember you are human after all too.

Once my friend told me, she’s an active life coach and teacher at a trauma society school. She told me how she got affected after listening to a patient story of trauma; she felt numb for a couple of hours after listening to that horrifying child assault story, and its keep regulating in her mind for many days. And she became more conservative to her kids due to that session with the victim.

This one of the experiences of a secondary trauma. And no doubt there are many more.

Today 80% of consulting professionals, teachers, life coaches all type of careers in health care are  experiencing this unstable situation.

This rapidly growing numbers of hospital authorities are giving resources to these professional consultant’s, teachers and caregivers to survive with these issues. Many trainings, workshops are scheduled worldwide to receive the healings of these secondary trauma effects

 

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Hypnosis works for the traumatized individual

Have you ever driven to your destination and you do not remember how you got there? Sometimes you place something someplace and minutes later you do not remember placing it there? It could sound like you are starting to get forgetful. Hypnosis works for the traumatized individual and it just could be that nowadays, during this time in our lives, financial problems, personal problems, we could just be overwhelmed with just living our lives.

When driving, you automictically placed yourself under hypnosis. you did not realize you could do that.

Hypnosis is very effective in the treatment of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  When you are hypnotized, make sure this person is a certified experienced hypnotic therapist. Ask the right questions.

  •  Are you certified with the State?
  • Do you keep with up the required state qualifications?
  •  Have you worked with people who have suffered trauma?
  • What is your success rate?
  • Make sure you like that person and do you trust him/her?
  • It is important for you to feel comfortable, in order for this method to work.

It can be an effective treatment for traumatized people. It helps to reduce anxiety, stress disorders, and other illnesses that disturb regular life. Hypnotherapy is one of the best ways to control or balance your past, present, and even your future so that you can move forward in your life.

Individuals who have experienced a traumatic event like an accident, disaster, or any loved one’s death, or other traumatic experience that makes the world around you FEEL like an unsafe environment.

Hypnotherapy cannot remove traumatic events. But it helps you to think about what has happened in a different way. You could keep the experience to alert you, and ease the pain.

Hypnotherapy allows individuals to openly understand the incident,  process it, and express or help with the understanding of the negative beliefs of the personal behavior patterns that are stored until you or your body and mind can handle the incident.

For example, when I was 4 years old, I was raped and left at my favorite park and placed on the merry-go-round.

I was wrapped in a towel and left to die.  I survived and was in the hospital for a long time. I have had some sexual issues in life and could not understand why.

My body, who knew and remembered the tragedy, but somehow knew I could not handle it, and so stored itself in some parts of my body unbeknownst to me, and I am so grateful that my being was aware and looking out for me.

My guides, angels, and spiritual family knew I had a higher calling and protected me so that I could make it to the right time and place in this life.

I went on a training mission to keep and update my Hypnosis State Certification, we had to practice on one another. During one of those practices, I volunteered to be hypnotized. That’s when my body decided I was ready for the download and realized what had happened to me when I was 4, and now it made sense why I had been placed in recovery care until I was 5.

With the help of a skilled hypnotherapist, actual events can be examined. Any negative behaviors or beliefs can be treated. Skilled hypnosis therapy can help access information and data that is stored in the physical body and the subconscious.

There are many resources a skilled hypnotherapist can help with, you just need to find the right one. That hypnotherapist can hand you the needed tools, resources, and support information, to help the release process and enable you to express yourself and make a positive change.

Usually, traumatized individuals avoid gatherings around them. Individuals also avoid abuse, violent behaviors, etc. The purpose of avoidance is to distance oneself from trauma, but note that this also separates you from deeply connecting to others because trauma is present in our bodies and minds, which cannot be placed at ease without treatment.

In hypnotherapy, the individuals are provided with a chance to scream louder, defend themselves, push away the person or weapon, and be able to tell a trusted person what happened.

This experience can help us or other individuals to heal and move on in his/her (our) life.

It has been suggested that hypnosis may help to ease the traumatic event. Hypnotherapy reduces the symptoms of anxiety, depression, and removes any negative psychological impact. It helps to control negative experiences of life and helps individuals to take control of their power.

You are not alone in this journey. You hold the keys to achievement, knowledge, and control of your life. So continue to SURVIVE!

Continue to find your zest for life and it will return. Please learn to love yourself. For you, I, and many others are survivors.

WE ARE NOT ALONE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Is Trauma Hereditary?

Trauma is defined as a physical and psychological threat or assault to a child’s bodily integrity, sense of self, safety, survival, or to the physical safety of another person significant to the child. Have you ever thought that trauma is hereditary? Do we have to go through a traumatic episode also, as did our father, mother, or family? It does feel that way, when you hear the history of your family.

Early childhood trauma (i.e., those bad things that happen before the age of six) lie at the root of most depression, anxiety, and many other emotional and psychological illnesses. Could this finding be heredities?

Why do some of us in the family continue to suffer with trauma? Are we making these choices for our loved ones? Must it carry on to every generation?

Due to traumatic experiences, children are susceptible to psychological disorders and severe emotional turmoil, often needing trauma therapy assistance.

Heredity trauma is also known as intergenerational trauma.

What causes intergenerational trauma?

Intergenerational trauma can negatively impact families as a result of unresolved emotions and thoughts about just living life. Negative repeated patterns of behavior, including beliefs about parenting and passing on some of the traditional parts of life in a way that families live.

Untreated or poorly-treated substance abuse or severe mental illnesses can or may effect us all in someway or another.

Can you inherit your parent’s trauma?

Many types of research suggest that trauma may be inherited in many aspects. Studies have shown that experiencing trauma may abandon a chemical mark on a person’s genes, which is then passed down to future generations. Can you believe that? It scary to think that we cannot escape this.

Does inherited trauma exist?

Intergenerational trauma is usually seen within one of the parents or grandparents of one family who was traumatized enough, and each period of that family continues to experience trauma in some form or another. In these cases, the origin can usually be traced back to a devastating event, and the trauma is unique to that family. Its almost like a curse. If you believe in curses.

Symptoms of intergenerational trauma:

• Lack of trust of others
• Anger
• Irritability
• Nightmares
• Fearfulness
• Inability to connect to others
• Not getting treatment for the intergenerational trauma

Healing hereditary trauma includes the following therapies, which can break the cycle of trauma:

• Parent-child interaction therapy
• Family therapy
• Family system improvement therapy
• Working through a genogram
• Child parent relationship therapy

Other hereditary intergenerational traditions could include in times of war. Sometimes we follow our forefathers’ tradition of going to war. Parental disorder trauma constitutes an essential health care need of veterans, especially those who recently separated from service. By reviewing studies regarding the strength of several types of trauma found that many of the studies were invalid in composition and performance and that relatively few of these studies have been carried out in veterans’ populations, despite suggestions that civilian and veteran people respond indifferently about many kinds of treatment.

The board also notes that the data is insufficient for potency or generalization of ethnic minority treatment modalities.

Despite challenges in the consistency, quality, and depth of research, the board found the evidence adequate to conclude exposure therapies’ efficacy in treating trauma.

The committee found the evidence inadequate to determine the effectiveness of different pharmacotherapies, three other psychotherapy modalities, and psychotherapy delivered in group formats.

In other words, there was no pure evidence that trauma is or is not really hereditary. Or is it? What do you think?

 

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Coping With Trauma

Every person experiences trauma in different ways. It is different with each of us. Those events that cause stress, whether it is a coronavirus, plane crash, a traffic incident, or any violent crime, you may experience intense depression, fretful  fear, or a feeling of physical numbness.

Repeated exposure to an incident can overwhelm your mind with stress just as if you experience the event again firsthand.

Traumatic events can destroy your sense of safety and peace, leaving you feeling helpless and vulnerable in a dangerous world. But there are so many things that this experience can leave you with.

There is no right or wrong reaction to theses traumatic events.

People usually panic when going thru a traumatic event and react differently to them. You are truly experiencing some things that do not make you feel right, you could feel like you are going crazy, and could definitely use some help.

Don’t ignore your feelings:

It may seem better when you avoid your feelings,  for a short time or be in denial. Do talk to someone about your symptoms. Someone like your doctor who has knowledge of trauma symptoms, or someone like a therapist who has had clients who have suffered with trauma and possesses knowledge of this kind of experience and has been successful in treating trauma victims.

Be patient and calm with yourself and understand that this is part of the recovery.

  •  Know that you will have confused emotions, different thoughts that will make some decisions more confusing. If so, ask yourself why?
  • Try to get back to your daily activities .
  • Find something you enjoy doing.
  • Make life more interesting for yourself.
  • Get involved, doing something you may enjoy, like gardening.
  • Exercising, dancing, running, anything that will rid you of negative energy.
  • Reestablish your routine:
  • Try yoga, meditation, even praying to your creator, angels or whatever, to seek some higher power figure.

After the traumatic event, try to get back to your regular routines as soon as possible it will help you to cope with your trauma like anxiety, stress, paranoia, loneliness, and fear. Do what you must to feel safe again.

Even if your daily life is disrupted you can plan a schedule of eating, sleeping, work, spending time with your family and friends. Doing what you enjoy with friends and even get dog or a cat.

The big decision of life, like buying a home, quitting your job, or leaving family, while still suffering from emotional trauma will make you more depressed and/or stressful, or very angary at yourself or others.  There is a chance of making the wrong choices or decisions when you are not in your right mind. Seek help if you are not feeling yourself after 6 months of suffering with trauma.

Physically, getting involved in an activity also helps calm your nervous system and helps you move on with the traumatic event.

Again, try to exercise in a rhythmic fashion and engage your whole body, walking, running, and swimming are excellent choices to help your mind and body release some of the negative feelings and symptoms.

Add mindful elements by focusing on your mind, body and spirit, how it feels when you move or jump.  Feel the rhythm of your breathing, your feet hitting the ground, or the relaxed feeling of the sun on your skin can also calm your mind and body.

Boost your energy and motivate yourself to exercise. Start by dancing and moving around. Once you start moving around here and there you will feel more energetic.

Get yourself proper sleep:

After experiencing a traumatic or stressful event, it is difficult to have  proper rest or to get to sleep. Worries and fears may keep you up late at night, or bad dreams may disturb you. But getting plenty of sleep, is very healing to your mind, body, and spirit.

The following things can help you have better sleep.

• Avoid caffeine in the afternoon or evening.
• Do something relaxing before going to bed. Breathing exercises, meditations.
• Make your bedroom soothing, quiet, sipping your favorite tea before going to sleep.

Getting into a support group or reading information will help you get more healing ideas. Also call someone who you trust to talk to or someone that you know who has gone through something similar especially if that person is a survivor like you.

 

 

 

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How Do Men Deal With Trauma?

Many of us deal with our sufferings, pain and/ or problems in different ways. If you were raised around males, you will see that they have a different way of dealing and coping with difficult life situations. Or could be, it dependence on how they were told to express themselves as they were growing up.

Have you heard the expression “los hombres no lloran” or “big boys don’t cry”, “You have to take it like a man!” I used to hear my father say that to my brothers repeatedly. They were just children at that time!

Today, I always think, “What did this guy go thru to be such an asshole?”

Human suffering is everywhere in the world around us. We all have experienced untold, hidden trauma like sudden deaths, abuse, bullying, and violence. Men do not talk about the trauma they suffer Why?

It is experienced that men usually don’t burden others with their problems. They dealt with all their issues on their own. In our society, if a man suffered in silence from trauma, he is awarded the badge of honor. Boys usually learn from their fathers.

Fathers tell their sons that crying is for babies and girls only. Although in our society, males are told that they need to be tough, “Quote” “if you don’t stop crying, I will give you something to cry about!” and powerful enough to survive in a man’s world. T

This is one of the many reasons why males suffer In silence.

We usually hear and see bad male behavior like violence, addiction, shootings, aggression, and criminal behavior and make assumptions that it’s a part of nature of a man,

This unspoken pain and suffering from childhood trauma and men is not always talked about. That leads to projecting trauma onto others. If not onto others, hurting themselves by allowing the infections of inner wounds to spread viciously inside and start self-medicating, by turning to alcohol and drugs.

Until we are ready to talk about male trauma, we will continue to set up the next generation of males to fail in their emotional life. Males are struggling day and night with so much failure at a much higher rate than females.

Unfortunately, today, we have many walking wounded men suffering from depression, anxiety, addictions, or other disorders. For most men talking about their pain and trauma is seen as a weakness.

It is a time to end the trauma suffering by raising our boys to connect with their hearts, give them confidence and permission to share their pain and feelings with their loved ones, or someone they trust., allowing themselves to talk openly about male trauma and seek help from available supports groups, talk therapy as well as other mental health professionals..

We all need someone who can understand our pain, it’s OK to cry and to share our feelings. As Human beings, we all should take a step to reduce the stigma for males to talk, cry, and heal themselves for the sake of our future male children.

 

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Children in Cages

How do you think these kids will be affected in 10 to 15 years? If you have been listening to the news, you have heard about these children being placed in a large cage with other kids, separated from their parents, and not knowing why. No explanation why. Not being able to get answers. Hearing other children crying for their parents too.

I remember, when I was 6 or 7 years old. My parents and all of us who could carry a hoe were working out in the fields, thinning beet plants. We saw immigration vans stop by. They questioned my parents and took me and my brother, forced us into the van. I remember crying. My Mom was crying which made me even more scared.

I remember getting separated from my brother after we got to this very large building. I was placed in a room with white kids in wheelchairs, some were on the floor, crawling towards me.  I cried the whole time I was there. Except when I was offered some food. I felt I was there for days, but it was just one day, which felt to me like a lifetime. I just cried for my parents and kept asking where’s my brother? No one would tell me. I saw these kids in wheelchairs and kids on the floor coming towards me. I later found out; I was placed there because I did not speak English.

I was so afraid they were going to eat me, when I saw them crawling toward me, trying to touch me. I remember in my nightmares; I was lying in a stretcher covered with a light blanket and when someone like a doctor comes in, uncovered me and starts cutting parts off me to feed others, and they kept me alive for body parts. I saw myself with one arm, one foot, and one leg, and other pieces of me missing.

Finally, one of my older sisters came after me and she took me home. This has been one of the other experiences I will never forget. Of course, it was a law that all kids should be in school at my age. We didn’t know why.

Now, here we are, all because of political reasons all these kids are in cages and separated from their families. Last I researched this, late in 2020, 3 children had died. All this happening in the United States! Our land of the free. Let’s go back to the children.

I had a client who I will call Carlos. Carlos was 6 years old. Going to school, had other friends in school whose parents had been taken by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) they take undocumented people who come to the United States.

The family wanted to make a safety plan. Wanted family to know what to do, where to go, like other families who were with them. Just in case ICE came. First of all, “DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR”! They will announce themselves and let you know who they are.

This child had been born in the United States but feared for his parents, and himself.  He was having nightmares and had not been able to sleep for several weeks now. “Am I going to be placed in a cage?”

I asked if they had taken him to the doctor? They said yes. But he did not help, just gave him something to force this child to sleep. But he would wake up crying. He got worse and so the parents stopped the medication. The doctor said, “All kids go through this and he will outgrow it.”

I investigated on what was their spiritual belief. Carolos’ parents went to church on Sundays, they were Catholic and were teaching their children as well.  While I was talking to Carlos’ parents, I gave him a little bottle of bubbles to blow bubbles. I asked him to tell me what colors he saw in the bubbles and what shape he saw the bubbles were. He responded appropriately.

I asked him to close his eyes and using his imagination to think of himself inside that bubble.

“Now, being inside the bubble, tell me what colors you see. Carlos tells me. I also asked if he had faith in God and his protection? He said “yes”. Long story short. I asked him to have God put the light of the Holy Spirit God, around the bubble with him in it for protection. You are building this bubble to place yourself and your parents in for God to protect them anywhere they may be, home, work, church.

We repeatedly practiced placing him inside the bubble within a second. He later said he could get inside the invisible bubble made by God for his protection so quickly, he felt safe. As I talked to the parents about other things, I would use the word “bubble!” to have him place himself inside it quicker, and he would close his eyes and imagine himself inside the bubble instantly, and say, “Safe!”

According to his parents, he didn’t need the medication and slept soundly after that.

I pray for these children, but I feel this is not enough, they need emotional resources and support as well. I understand there are some organizations, resources, and passionate people who are taking care of these children living in cages.

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Trauma and My Kids

I was thinking the other day, how many of us are there, that have lived adverse lives. Not until I was really thinking of how we are affected by our traumas and how it has affected our lives, I saw a very extremely skinny, pretty young lady, in her early 20s. It reminded me about my trauma and my kids.

As she smiled, I saw she had only one front tooth. She had a very worn-out face.  I had been studying up to give a talk on how trauma affects our young. I decided to mention her, thinking, “what kind of pain has this little girl been suffering?” It turned out she was looking for her mom.

It just happened, her mom was visiting neighbors and was assisting with some home repairs and doing a good job, I might add.   When I saw her mom, she looked just like her. They were both very skinny and looked like they could use some good dental work. It was so sad that her mom was also using. What had happened here?

When we suffer from trauma ourselves, what can our children expect? Sometimes as parents, we are not good examples ourselves. I wanted to provide some advice to them, phone numbers, people to talk to. But I did not feel very comfortable with offering anything. So I just send them the white light of protection. I felt so bad. I prayed for them and sent positive energy, thinking this was the best I could do.

While I was thinking of them, I had a flashback. I would place a quarter in my oldest little girl’s pant pockets when I would wash her clothes, because on some evenings when I would get a feeling that my husband was going to come home drunk. When he was drunk, I knew I was going to get a beating.

I always would get a feeling that he was going to drink that day, just by the way he walked out the door. I was so well trained or something inside me, “just knew.”  I was very devoted to my church. I was very Religious’ back then. I was always told, “God hated a divorce”. What was I to do? Let him kill me and my kids?” I later quit that religion.

Anyway, that night, sure enough, my husband came home drunk. I told the children if they heard us fighting to escape out the window, and run to the neighbors. I told the oldest (who had the quarter in the pocket) to leave the kids with the neighbor and call the police.  I had hidden all the knives early that evening. He had already tried to slice my breast off at one time and I did not want to take any chances with the knives on the counter.

My poor kids. I thank Our Heavenly Father for his protection on that evening and for all the other times. I did get out of that marriage.  I am now learning all about how traumas affect children. God works in mysterious ways; my precious children were some of the strong ones. It brings tears to my eyes while escaping and we were all scared and crying.

I looked in the back seat and my 3-year-old son had his eyes closed and I asked him “Why are your eyes closed?” He answered, “I am praying to Jehovah to protect us mammy”… “Of course, HE did.”  Oh…brings tears to my eyes!

I take a closer look at children, now.

I was at the store a couple of years ago. I saw this lady walking and pushing a baby cart. I looked at this child and saw a very cute baby like maybe one year old. I bent down to say “hello,” and he had the coldest still look in his eyes. He did not look at me or smile, just like he was not here on this earth. Gave me the chills.

Mom was pregnant again. Next to her was a young man. He said he was excited about this baby coming soon. Mom had this weird look on her face.  Didn’t know her name, or his, to just have someone like the police or someone perform a “welfare check” on that child. All I could do was to pray and surround this child with the white light of the Holy Spirit. What could you have done?

I pray for all the children in the whole world. The children are all safe in my heart…my heart will keep them safe and my heart and prayers will go on and on.. and…

 

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What Are ACEs?

Finally, in 1998 someone decided to make an assessment test. This test was developed at the Center on the Developing Child at the Harvard University.  It has been implemented in many areas to use for screening on children and adults.

I learned that many therapists, phycologists, mental health counselors, life coaches, and anyone who wanted to help anyone, who had suffered a trauma in childhood and because of it, had changed their lives. These people were probably drawn to help others because they, themselves suffered the same kind of abuse or trauma.

Helping others to heal was and always will be the main reason you would want to do something about a severe problem that affected yourself or someone you love and care about.

Nadine H. Burke, a pediatrician M.D. saw evidence in her Center for Youth Wellness in San Francisco and wrote a book called “The Deep Well”. In that book she explains, the assessment test.

Depending on the score you can recognize that a child or person might have been producing unhealthy reserves of stress hormones.  Too much of this hormone in a child can do so much damage to the body. At a young age, this could trigger many illnesses and dysfunctional episodes in life. It can than result in many problems as you come to adulthood.

What are ACEs?

Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Screenings in which the California Surgeon General started implementing that many care givers, mental health providers, and those in a position to assist with helping victims of trauma, receive training guided by Dr. Burke, to use the ACE screenings and how to read them.  We are all effected by this.

The more ACEs a child experiences, the more likely he/she will suffer from things like diabetes, poor academic achievement, heart disease, some sort of substance abuse, and jail, or prison time.

Experiencing a frequent number of ACEs, things like stress from any routine task such as simple daily decision making, even as rudimentary as “What should I wear to work today?” Especially, if you work at a place where you have to be presentable, talk to people, or deal with people’s money.  Like work at a coffee kiosk, flower shop, gas station register, or other working environments where you could be triggered by anything (which most likely would not make sense to anyone else) that could throw you into severe “toxic stress”. This type of excessive activation of stress to the nervous system can lead to long lasting wear and tear on the brain and especially the body.

Today! How about the coronavirus? COVID 19 is a virus/illness that effects the lungs. It can spread from person to person and can be picked up from touching contaminating surfaces. That is why people should wash their hands as often as possible. Especially when getting home. Our children don’t always wash their hands. I have seen parents not wearing masks, taking their children to grocery stores, kids putting their fingers into their mouths, etc. How is it effecting our children?

As we talk about trauma and its effect on our children? Right now, some children do not have much to eat. Some schools are in their kitchens making breakfast, for kids to come in pick up the food and take it home to eat. Some buses are going to rural areas and delivering lunches. I know this because my daughter works for a school district and makes sure the buses are running on time.

But what happens when mom or dad can’t work due to the virus?  Because the virus spreads so quickly, children are stuck at home, they miss their friends, and they should not go outside to play.

Many places are banned at this time, like places of worship, workplaces are closed, children cannot go to school (that’s understandable, a very unsanitary environment). Some adults can’t go to work.

These changes are very stressful for the family as a whole.

I am afraid for the children. How is this new situation affecting them? Who is going to help? That’s why it is important for us to learn about trauma and what we can do about it.

Traumas are often repeated through families and when we address and treat them, we can break the inter-generational cycle. How powerful is that?