Author: Rosa M Luna

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What is trauma informed care?

What is trauma-informed care? Trauma-informed care was started in 1992, but in 1998 it began to take strength with “women, co-occurring disorders and violence study sponsored by the SAMHSA (Substance abuse and mental health services and administration). Which integrated the service system for women with substance abuse and disorders and mental health illnesses who had been victims of violence and trauma.

 

SAMHSA is in charge of improving the quality and availability of treatment and rehabilitation services to reduce illnesses, death, disability, and the cost to society resulting from substance abuse and mental illness. SAMHSA reports directly to the U.S. Department of health and human services. This is a Federal agency.

The effects of trauma can be traumatic within itself. Its effects of trauma go far beyond its psychological and physical effects, it doesn’t only affect us emotionally, mentally, and physically, it changes all who are affected. 95 million people this only includes just people here in the United States that are affected with trauma and its effects each of us in a different way.

How it affects a person differently from one to another is still a mystery, It is very complex, it depends on many other factors as well., including the resources of each individual.

Trauma in childhood experiences is more severe and it affects the child’s mental and emotional development and its lasting effects on their health and their well-being in their adult life.

Survivors of trauma are at times unconsciously or at times consciously “triggered” by anything that could remind the individual of the event and reacts unknowingly and reacts to the feeling of being unsafe. Trauma-informed care gives the traumatic skills to the power imbalance between the triggering of the person’s anxiety and its effects.

The therapist presents a practical model of care and coping skills to deal with triggers. This gives the individual more excess to the balance of some other feelings of been unsafe, in danger, and the needed knowledge of self-care and empowerment.

Trauma-informed care has been defined as a strengths-based service delivery approach in which is it is an understanding of responsiveness in trauma. It gives attention to the impact of the emotional safety of both providers and survivors which allows them to rebuild with a sense of control and empowerment.

Trauma-informed care creates a healing environment for everyone who cares to be involved. This program is for everyone. Many care providers and staff, including all other co-workers, are all trained in this program because anyone can be affected by many forms of trauma a shared aspect relating an understanding for all.

Health care staff and therapists can teach calming techniques and breathing exercises.  A child can use the example of blowing soap bubbles, I use this method to assist with children, very successful, I use the soap bubbles in other healing modalities as well.

Practicing some of these exercises can help us personally, in our hectic working world.  Practicing mindfulness and staying in touch with our thoughts, our feelings, our breathing and utilizing some of these exercises, we can lessen our symptoms of trauma and manage our stress.

Trauma is a universal human experience, but more prevalent in other populations around the globe. Especially in children, all children in which the health problems start in some cases in adulthood.

Trauma-informed care holds promise for providing and improving health outcomes and better results. Including breaking the cycle of intergeneration of trauma. Those who utilize this program can improve their lives by intricating the lessons and tips provided in these programs. They come with experts and well-trained health professionals, co-workers, and staff. Many blessings to everyone.

God Bless

 

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Group Therapy About Trauma

The first heard of Group therapy was started in 1895. But group meetings did not get popular until world war 2. Those groups were started mainly to treat the men who came back from war. As group therapy about trauma.

There were no mental health professionals at that time. Doctors wanted to help with war-related mental health issues at that time in 1941 and started group meetings.  A little history there.

 

Have you ever attended a support group, or in any kind of a group that gets together and shares their health issues, problems, or almost anything that a person is willing to talk about? Sometimes, people, all need is to talk and to hear themselves talk and suddenly their problems have been resolved.

Group members will discuss the rules and goals of the group. The therapist will go over the rules of confidentially and the role that each person plays at the group meetings.

That would be an ideal solvent to a problem, yes, just that quick. We can talk about anything, just let your group lead, therapist, or the group know if it is ok, to talk about whatever it could be that you need to talk about.

Ask for feedback. Here is a list that you can get some ideas of what people could talk about.  Always remind people to keep confidentially. Of course, It all depends on your trust in people.

  • Very popular topic – Divorce.
  • Marriage problems.
  • Advice from trying to talk about an important topic to a spouse. Where can I start? How can I do this?
  • How to talk to your grown children.
  • Someone just died in your family, having a hard time dealing with a loved one’s death. Guilt mainly.
  • For my health purposes, I need to lose 35 lbs. can anyone help? Personal trainer. I will pay.
  • Drug or alcohol addictions.
  • You’re in a domestic violent relationship and need help.
  • You need a safe place to live. (Rent)

Members of the group can offer you advice, or maybe somebody is a lawyer. You just never know what someone can offer unless you give them a chance. They can also give you a shoulder to cry on or maybe even emotional support.

If the group has come up with a group problem, the therapist can help by doing some research and present it to teach the group coping skills, other concepts of different skills that best match what everyone needs, or valuable information that someone could use.

There are other group activities, for example, cooking, gardening, even painting, this requires working together with others, and suddenly, guess what? You’ve made new friends… Just be careful, you could meet some people with different personalities or worse problems than you. Know your boundaries. In these groups, you will get to know different personalities and have a choice in who you would like as a friend.

Are you in an “open group meeting” or a “closed group meeting”? A closed group meeting would mean, once a group is started, no one else can join in, only a certain few start from the beginning of the group, and no one new can come in.

An open group of people can come to attend at any time. You will have a harder time getting to know everyone in this group because people will be joining in at all times.

Also, important to know that therapist is obligated by law, to report to police, if members express to harm themselves or others. And in group settings, it is their responsibility to maintain a peaceful, respectful, and safe environment and free from verbal, physical, or emotional abuse.

The therapist should make it known that group therapy sessions are to be nonjudgmental and very productive for each person. All of the above is including the Therapist.

God bless everyone including the therapist who tried to heal those who wanted to heal. Many blessings to you all.

 

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Trauma and Emotional Abuse

75% of our population is emotionally abused every day. Especially women, second is children and then our Elderly.  I believe there is more with this pandemic and isolation. Our children have no outside contact today, because of no school. No one to check on them. This is alarming. This is a concern for trauma and emotional abuse.

Adults especially women are abuse as well. They do not feel safe calling someone. Tried to get help, but it did not go well. The abuser got a hint of it when things were been put together. We cannot always fool them when trying to get away.

Especially the abuser is a man of prevalence, a police officer, a minister, or someone who will look upon negatively, and does not want people to discover his true colors or his true self. There is a worse danger for this type of abuse on children.

Even though some children are resilient, some are not and could be traumatized from the abuse and at times, blames themselves for parents’ disapproval and lack of love and attention. All this emotional chatter gives a child or even a younger teen a confusion of what love is about.

Some emotional abuse has no scars or bruises. You may be able to tell if children have received emotional abuse. Concerns may look like the  following;

  • Sometimes, like when at the grocery store you hear how an older child treats their siblings and yells at them, as an adult would. Children imitate their parents.
  • You hear a child talk and they talk in an “adult manner.”
  • When a parent belittles a child in public, while others are looking.
  • The child is a bully and hurts other children when playing with them and using adult words.
  • Bedwetting and at times having a tantrum. Bedwetting is a sign of trauma in a child.
  • Of course, bruises on parts of the body, especially around the neck area or where you can see bruises.
  • Denying a child affection and daily care can also be counted as emotional abuse.

Sometimes, we could be wrong, but at least we paid attention. Sometimes children need rescuing and don’t express it even with all the teachings at school. Teachers have told kids to report their parents if they feel threatened.

I have seen children report to the teacher and teachers will check the children for wounds and bruises. Parents are getting away today because of the pandemic. Children are unable to talk to other concerning adults who care.

If you’re witnessing something and your consciousness does not let you sleep. Defiantly do something. If you know names and addresses. Please call child protective services to investigate or call the national child abuse hotline at 1800-422-4453. They will assist you with any questions you may have.

Emotional abuse goes together with psychological difficulties. This could come from a mental illness, and both the abuser and the abused will need mental health help. With all this emotional abuse comes together with;

  • Depression
  • Anxiety and panic attacks.
  • Difficulty sleeping, the child can not even take a nap and without feeling safe.
  • Self-harm, cutting on themselves, or slapping themselves.
  • Bet wetting.
  • Eating disorders.
  • Suicidal thoughts.
  • An adult could develop substance abuse to cover the pain and suffering.
  • An adult could model the same parent behaviors as a parent.

If you or your loved one needs help you can always call 911 for assistance. Or you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-80079972 where they will make sure you get one on one attention.

You can also call it the National Suicide prevention lifeline. At 1-800-2738255 They can provide good resources as well.

May God bless and protect you and give your life-giving courage

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Motherly love

When you are in physiotherapy, one thing you do is they take you back into childhood.  Were you loved, by your family? Especially by Mother. It’s really amazing that when a mother is blamed for the reason that you are screwed up.

The traumatized inner child feels better, maybe not completely healed, but it’s a good start, right? Sometimes there are healings and Mom is seen in a different light. All is forgiven. But not always.

Was it really mom? Why, because she did not protect me? Did you tell her someone molested you? Someone traumatized you. Back in the day, we told our mom, but what if she did not believe what happens to us. Mom would say” she likes to invent things; tells stories you know how kids are?”.

Sometimes you feel like you were loved, but sometimes you didn’t really feel the love. Now that you are an adult, you learn how to treat your children. At first, you didn’t hug them but when they hugged you. That made you feel love. Is that what love is? you just melted, when they’d say “I love you, mommy.” Did my mom not feel that?

You love your children back, hugs kisses, saying loving words. You missed all this when you were young. How could she of spanked me? “It’s going to hurt me more than it going to hurt you” it did hurt me so bad just to scold the kids.

I sometimes cried with them. My mom would always say “it’s going to hurt me more than it hurts you right now?” Mothers did the best they could. My mom as well did not receive much love.

What happened to them that they acted as they acted? There could have been other factors, but maybe mom did not have someone to protect her from a family crime. Who knows, because we just go on with life. We get married to someone, just to get off a dramatic family.

I know I got my resilience from my mother. Women are taught to stay with the man that they have chosen, at least I was.  Back in the day, that’s was how I was raised. God brought me Charlie Brown; I should feel so lucky to have a man.

My mom taught us, we do not divorce our husbands. We stay because of our kids. Even if they beat you and your kids. “Till Death do us part.”

My mom was resilient, I am so proud of her for staying, but I didn’t. My mother died before I got married, and something, she said to me was ” I do not really worry about you, because of who you are…

How do I know if I am healing from all the trauma? That’s a good question. When your life is not always in chaos? Am I happy? Yes, there have been times I wake up and feel good. Nothing hurts, I feel joyous and happy.

That could be a sign that I am healing and so can you. By looking for a professional therapist or mental health professional. There are so many resources to assist with your healings. We cannot always heal ourselves. It takes much discipline and daily structure in our life. We start with a structure and a routine that we will try to stick to. It is not easy, but healing is the goal here.

I read somewhere, a favorite object of yours broke, something very precious to you. So you try to glue it back together, but it will not look the same but your precious item can look like you place it back together, but you can place a ribbon, or glitter glue, glue a pretty object on it.

Because it is precious to you, it will have a better look to it. Maybe it may not look the same but it will still look precious to you and it will be the same object only better. So will you.

We will not be the old us but, the better us. We learn by our experiences. Our parent/s made us who we are today. Resilience and we are thriving in our lives if we still want to get up, shake the dust off, and continue with our goals, our structure, and our resilience.

As a mom, I did the best I could. They’re not in prison, involved with the police, or on drugs. Is that a good sign?

 

 

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Aging is a traumatic experience

Are you a senior? At what age are you a senior? I understand it could start at 55 years old. Where can we go to be prepared to become a senior? A senior center maybe? Talk to another person your age? Nothing really prepares you. You need to smart enough when your young enough to start a retirement plan, especially if where you’re working, they can help with building one for you.

You really do not think about this, because, I don’t know why? Been around others who are retiring maybe? Just thinking about retirement is trauma in itself. We do not plan on well, how long am I going to live for example? Where am I going to live?

You hear about your children placing you in a nursing home and having somebody who doesn’t love you or care for you, take control of your everyday life. They are paid to take care of you. How much did you love your job when you worked? Be paid only minimum wage? You will need to clean my poopy ass? For minimum wage?

Oh dear, aren’t we seniors in for a surprise. As Seniors we already have a lot on our plates, we need to guess what health insurance we will need. We have to know what social security will pay for and what they will not pay for and pay for supplemental insurance. That could be out of pocket money and who much?

There goes your itty-bitty social security check. Unless you were smart enough to get a retirement plan from work called an IRA pension plan, any retirement plan to supplement your income.

I was not aware that they give more money if you went to college or have a college degree. How unfair is that? You worked your butt off for 10 to 12 hours a day for over 25 years and what do you get?

A traumatizing event…Yes, it is. Trauma is when we decide to stop doing what we have been doing daily like working and having a routine for over 20 years and then we stop. We wake up every morning and think of all of our friends we made at work and how they are facing that horrible morning traffic, trying to make sure they have taken the right route to get to work on time.

Sometimes, I send them a prayer. OK, so I am now retired, I keep my doctors appt. and she is telling me “I am aging appropriately for my age”. “Soon I will have aches and pains, my back will hurt, my knees will give out and I will experience falls…” What! But wait!” “I feel fine.” “It’s just part of the aging process,” she says.

Why do they put these negative things in your subconscious? That is so negative. It is said that 90% of people age 65 and over, have experienced one major traumatic experience in their life. It is reported that 12% suffer from trauma each year. Of course, if people have suffered trauma and not taken care to understand it, or deal with the emotions it comes with it, illnesses, will start to appear.

Trauma experiences come in a form of a disease, if not dealt with. How? Come to terms with what happened as a child, teenager, or as an adult. talk to a curandera/healer, a good therapist, or mental health professional. Somebody who can help heal the pain and suffering.

For help contact the national council of aging online. Or call 571-527-3900, they are open Mon to Friday 5 am to 5:30 pm. you can contact them and help you get help no matter where you live. Please do not hesitate to get help. 211 is a good number to call as well or 911 in case you need immediate help.

God bless.

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Trauma of abandonment

The feeling trauma of abandonment can affect not only a child who was left at the hospital without a mother to love it. Abandonment will leave a child feeling unsafe, not important enough to be cared for, and especially loved. Unfortunately, this can leave an imprint on the child. They could heal if they are given the necessary loving emotional needs even if it is not from their original parent.

A cared child even if they were adopted and were giving love, were cared for, will develop a good self-esteem. Self-worth, and safe in their own world. They will be able to build and stay in a healthy relationship as an adult. Even if he knows he was abandoned as a child.

Abandonment also affects someone as an adult. Abandonment comes in many forms, getting a divorce from someone who you thought loved you and would stay with you no matter what. The death of someone you loved.  A friend, who you considered a special friend who you two were un-separable, then, she got married and your relationship changed. Understandable, but why are you feeling this way? I had a friend like that, she stopped talking to me, without an explanation. I got married but wanted to continue our loving relationship. But up to this day, we separated and I tried writing to her, left her notes at her house, left messages on her landline phone. Never heard from her again.

I kind of understand why, but not connecting at all? It hurt me, but life does go on. I will never forget her. I did give up after years of trying to communicate with her. It has been over 40 years now. I still miss her. She abandoned me. Maybe it hurt her for me to get married and she felt like I abandoned her by getting married. I guess I will never know, we have moved to other states away.

For children, this could lead to illnesses as an adult, they could develop eating disorders, to find something to make them enjoy the feeling food gives them. Substance abuse could become another form of feeling numb or good, covering the pain and suffering.

One of the ways to start healings is maybe trying to find their parents, where their parents have gone on with their lives and maybe even have another family now. This could hurt too and just make your emotional issues get worse. You may start to have suicidal thoughts. Please get help.

Get help from a mental health professional. You are not alone, others are survivors. There are support groups that you can go to, and find others who can help you.  It can be of enormous help for you to get together with others who know exactly what you’re going through and who have already discovered a way of responding to the awfulness and misery that you are going through. Please get help.

You have many friends and other people who love you and miss you if your answer is suicidal. If you have children, how will you affect their lives? They still need you and need a good example, for when they too become adults?

Let’s say you feel you don’t have anyone to reach or to talk to? Please call 1800-273-8255. Reach out to someone to talk to. This national suicidal prevention lifeline is open 24/7. Please call and talk to someone that can help.

Many blessings and may your understanding of a higher source give you strength and courage to stay and get the help you deserve. God bless.

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Healing Trauma with Music

I had a client who tried in many ways to give his wife all he knew how to try to make her happy. Later in their relationship, he discovered that she had suffered violent and traumatic traumas. Without knowing, and being a musician himself, he gave her the greatest gift she has ever received- music, where she could write her songs and heal from her traumatic past by composing music and singing.

Little did I know that writing your songs, and singing them, was another form of healing. In my research, I have discovered that cultural modalities play a very important role in helping to recover from trauma. I like Mexican music. I always used music, as a motivational tool, when my house needed to be cleaned, laundry needed to be done, and clothes folded. I used the broom to sweep and dance with it. It has made such tasks, fun.

In my research, I understood that individuals suffering from PTSD used sports and games to cope with their trauma. I also learned that poem writing, writing your story, writing and singing your story, or learning to play an instrument is a way of healing and coping from trauma.

Children created musical compositions to assist them with their feelings of feeling unsafe at school. Music therapists and music programs along with the arts programs in school or the community, get very little recognition as a mechanism for recovery for children’s trauma and adults as well.

But despite all the positive and effective positive examples of art and music therapies, there is a need for recognition of these evidence-based coping styles. These programs are not given the credit needed to be implemented in school programs.

These programs are designed to reduce stress, improve coping with trauma together with crisis situations, by drawing and special techniques along with musical songwriting and singing, together with relaxing the mind, body, and spirit with music.

A bright light turned on in my head, karaoke, sing-along songs, is a very healing way of coping with trauma as well. Even if you cannot carry a tune, you can do this in the privacy of your home or bedroom. Look for your favorite sing-along songs.

Children also use the karaoke machines and sing their favorite sing-along songs. Make it a karaoke night. Have the children pick the songs they would enjoy singing to. There are so many. Your children will love it and at the same time healing with songs will become some of the favorite ways of feeling much better and heal from almost anything.

Doesn’t this make a lot of sense? It’s a way of releasing your feelings, your negative energy, it’s a fun way of healing, you may find yourself crying and releasing heartfelt pain. At the same time feeling much better, a little sad maybe, so sing another song with more pep in it.

Check on your emotional state of mind. You will see and feel different. Remember, it might take a couple of songs to write or sing, next thing you know you’re feeling good.

You will wake up and you just could feel some relief in your song and be free of some unexplained pain. Continue doing what you are doing to heal the suffering too. It’s a beautiful feeling.

Please do not look for the pain and suffering, because it will come back if you stop singing or songwriting. If you are feeling some sadness and some disappointment in your life, singing is just a tone away.

Voice your feelings and turn them into songs. I know this artist who turned into a famous singer, singing about her traumas and became very famous and popular singing about her losses in her life. She recounted them in songs and now she is famous and making a lot of money as well.

Many Blessings and healings from your song. God Bless.

 

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Trauma Triggers

The smell of freshly made bread, biscuits, or freshly made tortillas, brings back wonderful memories from I was still at home and reminds me of my beautiful mom. The happy times of family. But what happens when, due to a violent or sexual assault, you remember the smells surrounding the tragic incident, like it was raining. It is so amazing to me how certain things that you do not remember, can be triggered by little things.

For example, seeing things reminds you of a traumatic event. Hearing someone argue verbally in a certain tone. A certain place, an area, or a house, that you were walking by.  Many things could trigger someone and to cause them all of a sudden to stop and get lost in the traumatic event taking place as if you were right back there as it pays out in your mind’s eye, or it could be even more severe as if you are experiencing the traumatic incident in the flesh again.

In certain cases, you may not realize something is triggered until you have a reaction to it. It was my client’s birthday, during a session, as I wished her a happy birthday, she remembered an incident that happened while she was celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend’s family. They decided to hold her down and spank her, I guess that’s was a tradition in that family.

My client stated that she started screaming and crying and telling them to stop. She said she continued to cry and sob and telling them that she was ok, but at that moment and time, she did not know why she started crying and sobbing? The family felt so bad and apologized over and over again.

But if you teach yourself, to subconsciously know that this is over and you are no longer in danger, this too will help. By getting professional help, you can heal faster. Be less afraid. The world is no longer a safe place for you. Even before all this happen, you felt the world was already scary, you could be even more traumatized and scared now.

Even seeing a movie could re-traumatize you all over again, for me it was “Sleeping with the Enemy” starring Julia Roberts. Avoiding certain movies is a good suggestion and good advice. I could not sleep after I saw that movie.

Sometimes, you could be just writing a letter or a text. Now, these days can also experience trauma triggers as a bad feeling, as if someone is going to hurt you somehow, you can feel the electricity of it as if it is crackling in the air.

I pray and surround myself with the white light of the divine spirit when I start having a thought or an unexplained feeling of doom, it is an unknown trigger and just comes out of the blue.

Tell someone you trust who is not judgmental. Talk about what you are feeling to that person, someone that you have talked to about this traumatic event, and you feel better after you talk to them or feel safe when you ae around them. A therapist can help identify most if not all your triggers.

Get to know your senses and yourself well enough, your body’s vibes. Be connected to all your senses in your body to know the different ways you can understand your feelings, tingles, stomach, and gut feelings. You have become so connected to yourself, you question many of your feelings, especially if you are in a different safe environment and you are not too sure of that. Crazy huh?

What could trigger some of these memories?

  • Movies show certain emotions.
  • An object, a color, maybe a physical feature on another person, long hair, bread, mustache, a scar on their face. Etc.
  • A certain smell, they are strongly attached to a memory.
  • Something on the news report, or post online.
  • Hearing something like a vehicle backfire or a police car with sirens and flashing lights speeding by.
  • Pain, like a headache, a touch at a certain place on your body parts.

You are the only one that can sense if you are safe in a certain area, and for a while, ask a friend you trust to accompany you to go like the grocery store, outside to walk your dog. See someone to help you with these feeling of sensations, thoughts, and emotions. A therapist could help.

God bless and heal you from all this negativity and these trauma triggers.

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Trauma Caused by the Church

When I was young, about 12 years old, my mother would send us to go clean the church and our priest’s house. One day when I was cleaning and dusting his office, the priest startled me when he playfully grabbed me and placed his hands on my breast and said “you have grown into quite a young lady” and started to molest me. When I mentioned what this priest did to me to my mother, she slapped me and shouted, “Do not lie about God’s chosen saints!” My mom did not believe me.

I did not want to clean his office, clean the church, or go to mass for that matter anymore. But my mother forced me. I asked my sisters if this had happened to them when they had cleaned his office? They did not respond to me. Why?

They just continued to clean. We would take turns with another family to clean the church and the office. How many other girls was this man doing this to? I never will know.

The outcomes of these incidents can be overwhelming to us young people. Even though the world was not paying as much attention at that time and era, but equally important is long-term destructive effects in the lives of abused victims.

The damage to victims and the emotional damage as well, also the belief in our religious background. I remember him giving a sermon on keeping clean, staying away from lust, and sexual desires. I did not know what to do but feel disgusted based on what I had already experienced and keep things to myself.

Some of us cannot have normal or healthy emotional relationships with other people because of the distrust of other male people just wanting to be a friend or an acquaintance.

When does this emotional feeling go away? With time and work on yourself with the help of a professional.

Getting rid of all that shame, guilt, and our accusing God of allowing this to happen to me. One day, the priest was no longer there. He was gone. This made going to church more comfortable.

  • I went on to learn the ritual prayers.
  • Celebrated my holy communion, just to please my mom.
  • I made my mother proud when I got married in the church. In a white dress and I did not feel guilty about being married in a white dress, as if I was a virgin because I was blessed by doing that act with a priest “a man chosen by God himself” according to my mom (that was my justification).
  • I did leave the church soon after I got married.

Has this experience taken my belief in God away? It did at first, but now I understand, that they (priests) are “after all, just a man.” Not “made in the image of God” Genesis 1:27 as well.  This verb is a reference to man and indicates that man was created with a difference from animals.

Clergy are charged with the habitual conformity of all Gods power, to do the will of God and to the will of his powers to the will of God clearly discerning, his will in embracing his chief good without error in his knowledge, passions, or his appetites, and senses, also being all, to wisdom and enjoyment of his facilities in all his ministry and pray to restore our souls.

That’s a lot of responsibilities to place on a man’s shoulders. If so, that is probably the reason clergy are mostly men, ministry, men, church leaders, men. Today there are women in the ministry as well.

Healing will come as well,  getting help, by seeing a professional, or a good therapist.

 

 

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Family Feuds and Trauma

I bet you love your family. Have you gotten into an argument, face to face shouting with one of your favorite brothers or sisters, or someone in your family, mom or dad? Ever?

I have, several times in my life. I believe each of us has. Sometimes, you feel like you never want to see them again, especially when you are still upset at each other, at that moment. Yes, it felt like that, been there done that.

But do you really want to do that? Can you imagine how that would affect your life? What will you be missing in both of your lives?

Without this sibling, your parent, or another person in your life, how would you feel? Because you will miss them, so you could probably replace them with another special friend. I have seen this happen as well.

People replace a sister or a brother with hanging around someone else who can replace that missing person in your life. We do that. When we get what we are needing from this other person. So much so that if they plan to move, you just may move to wherever that may be so as not to lose that connection with the other person. Of course, you could call this co-dependency disorder.  Well, that’s another story.

Maybe, just because we are related to each other, and had the same upbringing, we are made out of different ideas, have different feelings, or opinions as adults. When the shouting and name-calling starts, all shit breaks loose. Old feelings come out, you are upset and you will start saying things, that you wish you would have not brought up. These hurting words will not always go away. It can tear families apart

You may apologize a million times, but sometimes it is still there.  We do not always see things the way others do, even if they try to explain, or sometimes pride gets in the way making it unlikely that you could admit that you were wrong. Sometimes that gets in the way of making peace. Other things could be.

  • Our ego or pride.
  • Something they, family or siblings, made fun of you or were just being silly or sarcastic, but you were serious, whatever it was.
  • Someone trying to give some family advice, who really does not know all the facts.
  • Family gossip, someone says something, you told them in confidence.
  • Siblings resentments.
  • Arguments, only one other person took seriously, and they are no longer speaking to you or others.
  • We said something negative about their children.
  • Someone said something negative about mom or dad.

Sometimes, you taking the initiative to assess the situation, and be the first to apologize, for the sake of peace this makes you the wiser person. Your family member will respect you more for being the first to apologize. This will show that you care and may even be understood. Does this look on their face, make you just want to keep the peace?

Your family member will have more respect for you and will listen to you with more openness. They will feel safer talking to you about others in the family that together with you will try to help keep the family peace. Setting a good example of open communication is very important and plays a role in family discussions. The pecking order is important too, but you will discover that people in your family will have more respect if you show your love for the family.

Do you agree? Yes.

May you receive many blessings and peace in your family. God bless.