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Family Feuds and Trauma

I bet you love your family. Have you gotten into an argument, face to face shouting with one of your favorite brothers or sisters, or someone in your family, mom or dad? Ever?

I have, several times in my life. I believe each of us has. Sometimes, you feel like you never want to see them again, especially when you are still upset at each other, at that moment. Yes, it felt like that, been there done that.

But do you really want to do that? Can you imagine how that would affect your life? What will you be missing in both of your lives?

Without this sibling, your parent, or another person in your life, how would you feel? Because you will miss them, so you could probably replace them with another special friend. I have seen this happen as well.

People replace a sister or a brother with hanging around someone else who can replace that missing person in your life. We do that. When we get what we are needing from this other person. So much so that if they plan to move, you just may move to wherever that may be so as not to lose that connection with the other person. Of course, you could call this co-dependency disorder.  Well, that’s another story.

Maybe, just because we are related to each other, and had the same upbringing, we are made out of different ideas, have different feelings, or opinions as adults. When the shouting and name-calling starts, all shit breaks loose. Old feelings come out, you are upset and you will start saying things, that you wish you would have not brought up. These hurting words will not always go away. It can tear families apart

You may apologize a million times, but sometimes it is still there.  We do not always see things the way others do, even if they try to explain, or sometimes pride gets in the way making it unlikely that you could admit that you were wrong. Sometimes that gets in the way of making peace. Other things could be.

  • Our ego or pride.
  • Something they, family or siblings, made fun of you or were just being silly or sarcastic, but you were serious, whatever it was.
  • Someone trying to give some family advice, who really does not know all the facts.
  • Family gossip, someone says something, you told them in confidence.
  • Siblings resentments.
  • Arguments, only one other person took seriously, and they are no longer speaking to you or others.
  • We said something negative about their children.
  • Someone said something negative about mom or dad.

Sometimes, you taking the initiative to assess the situation, and be the first to apologize, for the sake of peace this makes you the wiser person. Your family member will respect you more for being the first to apologize. This will show that you care and may even be understood. Does this look on their face, make you just want to keep the peace?

Your family member will have more respect for you and will listen to you with more openness. They will feel safer talking to you about others in the family that together with you will try to help keep the family peace. Setting a good example of open communication is very important and plays a role in family discussions. The pecking order is important too, but you will discover that people in your family will have more respect if you show your love for the family.

Do you agree? Yes.

May you receive many blessings and peace in your family. God bless.