Who did not grow up without seeing your parents fighting? I wished none of us did see our parents arguing. Sometimes it got ugly. My father would beat my mom. I never heard my mother argue with my father or yell at him. But I did witness him hitting her. Parents fighting, cause children Trauma?
When I first started going to school, we were told that here in the United State men could not beat women, it was against the law. I was told that in school. How amazing! That women had protection.
Well, the day came when I decided to use that “right.” To my surprise. The next thing, I knew, a police car was in front of our house. My father started to beat my mother. I got on the phone and called the police.
I wished there was a law against beating your kids back then. I have gotten the beating of my life, from my father. But it was worth it. My father did not go to jail, because my brothers saved his ass. He came back inside the house after the police drove off and like a big bear, asked who called the police!
Of course, all my siblings were afraid of him and all eight little fingers pointed at me. I got a beating from him. But it was worth it! saving my mom at least for that one day.
Does all this screw up a kid? Of course, it does, I grew up a very angry kid. Up to a very angry adult as well. I had a lot of healing to do after I grew up as an adult and after my kids were grown. (That’s another story).
As children, we, become hostile with other children, distraught, hopeless, again angry, we develop behavior problems at home and school. Sometimes, children do not sleep well. Sometimes, children who are raised in a conflicted environment, develop troubles forming healthy relationships, even sibling relationships go to an extreme. Been overly protective of becoming over-involved, distant, and disengaged.
All of this can cause trauma in our children and affect every inch of their lives. Developing serious illnesses when they are adults. More recent studies show that other physiological systems in our bodies are damaged as well. The autonomic nervous system helps us to respond to threats, which react to as our brakes that calm us.
Now as parents, we know how destructive conflicts can be. We avoid to think how it can affect our children, we forget how it was when we were children, how we felt when our parents fought. I wish, there was someone to of reminded me how it felt when we were kids.
Sometimes, children get in the middle of the fights and they could get more damaged or physically hurt. As single parents, we must be very careful, with what is worth more, if not the health of our children. If we have girls in our family. We must be careful with what kind of partner we bring into our home.
I was very religious back then, I married someone from my church, thinking of a Christian man, someone who claimed to love God. I thought my girls were safe. So, moms, please be very careful, who you bring home. Now and days, you will never know.
My world was always better when my little ones were in it. Sometimes we get together and reminisce. “I am sorry” “please forgive me..” But we love each other even more. Many Blessings for that and to you.