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Cut the Strings

There was this story one of my smartest friends told me at one time and it made sense to me. There was this farmer who was working outside his barn, when all of a sudden, a big round one-ton roll of hay fell on him, pinning him face down. This farmer was there for a long time.

He couldn’t yell out loud enough because his face was almost covered with dirt under the hay. But he tried anyway hoping someone could hear him. After many hours someone did come by looking for him and heard him under the hay. He tried to push the hay off but it was too heavy just by himself.

The farmer tried to tell him to cut the strings holding the hay together, but the helping friend could not understand what the farmer was trying to say. The friend decided to get help and brought back several friends and they all pushed the hay off and got the farmer out. Afterward, the farmer said he was trying to tell people was to CUT THE STRINGS! The hay would have fallen around him and set him free.

Sometimes, the solutions to some of our problems are really hard to get, but they are not always the mountain we make them out to be. After we calm down, we can see it.

Unfortunately, it has happened to me, many times. All I had to do is see the problem from another angle or see it through other people’s eyes, or opinions.  I don’t always listen.

It’s hard sometimes to listen to others when you are upset, or “I want to do it my way”. Sometimes you just have to get yourself out of the way.

What we do to get our communication understood

  • We must be in a listening frame of mind. We appreciate everyone’s help, but maybe you want to be left alone and calm down.
  • Communication isn’t all about you, it is a two-way street, we must remember that the other person’s thoughts and feelings are just as important as our own,
  • Communication is a two-way street of giving and taking
  • We should be honest on both sides.
  • Plus, be opened minded, and ask questions if not too clear.
  • Having an understanding of what is been said and watch the tone of voice.
  • Do you want me to just listen, or do want me to listen and then help solve problems?
  • Are you OK with this?

Let’s try doing something else when there is a pressing problem and it affects our mood. Breathe, breathe, it might be hard, but let’s try. Sometimes we might not be able to communicate but just cut the strings.  Sometimes just stepping back and relaxing by taking your mind off of things, the answers could come.

There are specialist mental health and spiritual processes that help to cut the strings of any given circumstance. By reaching out to a professional therapist, counselor, coach, or spiritual healer, you could be guided through the process of cutting the emotional cords which may be keeping you from living the life you desire.

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More Homeless Children This Winter

 

I still have not heard what congress is doing about the no-eviction order. I am very worried about what is going to happen to the children. We know that homeless teens are suffering, resentful of adults, and authorize personnel who actually want to help them and get them off the streets.

Those teens are distrustful. They are children who are suffering and in pain, because of some trauma they are going through or have gone through. There are many resources they can utilize and shelters they can assist with other programs to get help, even if the home is not an option.

 

Can you imagine what a female teenager is going through right now? It’s cold outside, shelters are packed with other homeless. They don’t want to go home to an angry parent /parents, who right now have other mouths to feed.

Moms boyfriend is not a safe person to trust right now.  Sometimes the shelter homes will assist you with a program to help you get off the streets.

Now, the eviction ban program is coming to an end and many Landlords are ready to have people evicted. Because they need to make payments on their property or they too will lose their livelihood support as well.

How about our children, those young ones who don’t have any control over anything?  What a time to lose a home, it winters today, but it has been cold for a long time now, since September and it has gotten colder. Doesn’t it feel like no one cares? Like the Government who started all this “stay indoors control gatherings, wear your Masks.” What is a person to do? Do what they say.

This reminds me of the depression in 1929 and continued until 1933. Others are saying this is how things will be.  The Spanish influenzas started in 1918 and lasted until 1920.

Today, we have COVID-19, which started I believe in 2019. I believed I caught it during a time my immune system was low, as I laid in a hospital bed. After I got home from the hospital, that same day, I woke up with a really bad cold, I had a high fever, my body ached with pain, and I was having trouble breathing.

My chest hurt. I recovered within a month at home. I felt like I had shortened my life span. I was very weak afterward. Today, I feel back to my old self again. Healthy, vibrant, and energic. I am grateful to be here today.

I worry about the children and how all this will affect their little lives. Will they be traumatized? Will they be OK with all this? Children are so adaptable in many situations. It starts from a strong parent, a survivor themselves. A survivor who refuses to be a victim, but a survivor.

When I was talking to one of my children. She stated she had survived because of how strong I was during the bad times. I thanked her for that, I was feeling so guilty about the trauma I placed them through, by making bad choices.

As parents, we must forgive ourselves. I finally did as I write this book of survival. Some children will pull through. Some will have a rough start; some will make something of themselves. For their instincts, tells them to survive.

May God bless them, and continue to protect them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Will there be more homeless in January 2021

Now What is next? Could you imagine how our country is going to look like after this date? The Federal eviction protection order will be over, supposedly, the Landlords will be able to evict those who are not able to pay their rent. More homeless, or will the Federal eviction protection order be extended? If not, there will be millions of people out of their homes. Now homeless.

Will there be more programs for people to get to more resources? Pay the rent, get to a job, with what gas money? Will there be a community of “Tent Cities”. Our children are no longer attending schools, they got lab tops to do their homework on but, you have to have internet.

Now what? There are a lot of questions. Due to many many things, standing in a way of housing, food stamps COVID-19, no schooling in the school building, parents looking for work, children been left with other families, maybe by themselves, meanwhile, parents, work, standing on corners begging for money, The suffering could just be too much.

If you get evicted, where are you going to put your furniture, your personal treasures, it takes more money just to store it in a place like the U-Haul place. I placed all my furniture in storage and I pay close to 500.00 dollars a month and pay rent on top of that. It is going to be hard when this time comes. Hopefully, since the COVID-19 is still here, they will probably extend this order longer.

Could you wonder though, how this pandemic has affected everyone like the younger generation and the children? It is already hard to be able to talk to and control the teens. They are angry, some are on drugs and their behaviors are hard to deal with even if they are not on drugs. Some moms and dads feel like their hands are tied.

I have seen much more teens on the streets, begging for money on the corners of the roads. They are the least able to work and care for themselves. But how about the younger children. They are been left out in the cold. According to the Department of Health and Welfare, tells us that there are 65% of teens are homeless and, on the streets, maybe more by now.

Their families do not want to be bullied by some and can not help them. Some say they rather just leave them alone and kick them out of the house for the “sake of peace.” The other children need more attention and this one is a bad influence on my other children. I will have to do something.

I have a client who is fighting for custody for her kids, according to my Client, they are so badly ill-mannered by their other parent.  Suddenly, her 14 years slapped her mother on the face so hard she left a handprint on her face.

The client stated Child was hoping that she would lose it and hit her back, but, she didn’t she said it was really hard, but she kept her cool.  Tried to talk to her instead.

If we do not get our expansion on this order, what are parents to do. According to Fox News, we are getting another 600.00 stimulus check of 600.00 dollars. Not much, but it counts as something.

The compromise COVID-19 relief bill in Congress is expected to have $25 billion for emergency rental assistance and could extend the CDC order through, if not pass,  January 2021.

Please let me repeat this again. The CDC is expected to have $25 Billion for emergency rental assistance.

Housing advocate, Yentel says that’s a good thing. The rental assistance is desperately needed and the CDC order is protecting many people. But she says the order itself also needs to be beefed up because there are many other cases where it’s not working.

Landlords are saying they do not have to obey those orders because it is really not a banning order and it does not apply to them. They evicted tenants and nothing has happened to them. Some Police and judges agreed with the Landlords.

“One of the flaws is that it’s not automatic, and so renters need to know that the protection exists and they need to know what actions to take in order to receive that protection,” housing advocates Yentel says.

The order is also being treated differently by judges around the U.S., so outcomes vary completely, depending on where people live or what court they end up in. I re-searched how many states out of the 50 states complied and 16 other states did not agree with the Federal eviction protection order and did not hold the utility bills until the COVID-19 19 would clear…

People’s utilities would be shut off if arrangements were not made before the shut-off moment. Employees of the electricity company were directed to offer people choices and in this way, they would make sure they were recorded, so no allegations could be made to the electrical agencies. They in many cases offered alternative choices to pay the electrical bills to their customers.

How reasonable is our Government, we shall see? Meanwhile, God Bless us all.

 

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Can Children be afflicted with Trauma by watching T.V.

What an interesting question. My option is yes. Children who are watching a scary movie, may not understand that it and may believe it is real. Children can be affected by trauma by watching T.V.

My grandchildren were twins.  I believe they were 5 years old, at the time, and we were watching a cartoon where four people were going into space, mom, father, and two children, the ship blew up, but mom and dad, placed the children in a different vessel and they lived, but mom and dad died.

They asked the other kids “where are mom and Dad? Someone responded “they died on the ship, aren’t you watching the movie?  Both of my grandchildren started crying uncontrollably,

I tried to explain, that it was just make-believe and it was not a real-life movie. Took me 20 minutes of talking to them to calm them down.  They were ok and went back to watching the movie. They said, “they placed themselves in the movie.”

As a mother, in my time, I did not think too much of what the kids would watch, maybe it was because I explained this part of T.V. watching to my kids. It’s not real.

One movie, that I know of affected my son to this day. He liked watching scary movies too when he was young. He does not like clowns since he watched the movie “it” a clown who killed children.

This movie got to my son up to this day. Currently, he is not as frightened about it as he was when he was a child. He stated it “scared the bejesus out of me”. Still talks about it, when we bring up the twins crying (my grandkids) at that age.

There was another time I was watching a movie with one of my other grandsons. This one bothers me up to this day.

We, my family, and my grandson were watching a movie about aliens who looked like cats, who could turn into humans but to survive living on earth. They had to stay in the human form.

They needed to feed on Virgins, of both sexes. As my little grandson was watching this movie, I turned to him and noticed he was trembling, I picked him up and took him to the other room. He said he wanted to finish watching that movie.

As I put him down, he ran back into the living room and finished watching the movie. I asked him why was he trembling as if he was so scared, and he said “he liked getting scared.” As he grew older,  I asked him again and he stated “I don’t like watching scary movies anymore.”

Later in life, he developed an allergy to cats followed by Asma. Was it because he watched that scary movie about the cats?  He breaks into a rush when he picks up a cat to pet it. What do you think about that?

We really would like our children to grow up healthy, happy, and balanced kids. Now that we know better, we have concerns about what the kids watch or the games they play on T.V. or the computers or game boys. Those other games they take everywhere with them.

I remember, the grandkids having all these games they would carry everywhere they went. Hand-held games. They would play for hours and not pay attention to Nana. There were no conversations anymore.

I wish we could go back to when the kids could play games outside, they would use their imagination to create run after me games. I enjoyed hearing them playing and laughing. I used to make ice-flavored popsicles or homemade ice cones with Kool-Aid flavors, on a hot summer’s day.

Do our young children get affected by these scary movies on T.V. or the games? I believed some do and some don’t. Parents need to be vigilant when it comes to allowing their kids to choose what they can and cannot watch.

Watch a family movie with them. If there is a lesson or some topic that the children could learn from it would be better, right?

Ask them how they feel about what they just saw. You can show something they can benefit from. If you own a cat or dog, they die. Sometime in their lifetime,  they will experience the cycle of life.

Do cats really have nine lives? (that’s another story.)

Many Blessings to you.

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Why Do We Sabotage Ourselves Sometimes?

I know I need to get another job, my unemployment check is going to stop sometime this month, not sure when, I need to find out when I will do that. I do that as soon as I wash dishes.  I can’t do that until I…

Sound familiar? It’s called procrastination. Have you done this before? I know I have. Then, you stop and while washing dishes, think of all the other overwhelming things you have to do and go back to that, “oh well, I will do what I have to do to survive.”

I have an interview tomorrow and I need to go over some of the possible questions they will be asking. I am guessing right now because I do not know exactly what questions they will ask me, but I have to be ready for those questions, (sigh!) What am I going to say about myself? They always ask those questions.

Why do I want to work in this job? Well, I need to pay my bills!  No. I can’t say that!! BUT IT’S THE TRUTH! What can you bring to this company, that we do not have now?  Oh, dear God, the pressure!

What am I going to wear? No, I can not do this? I just won’t show up. Yeah, that’s it! I still have a couple of weeks to find another interview. Now, you have just sabotaged yourself.

Your low self-esteem has taken over. You have talked yourself out of an interview and out of a job. My clients would know ahead of time that they will be interviewed. Think about the whole ordeal until it drove them crazy, (sort of speak) and did not call me, until the last minute of the interview. It would be too late to talk them into it. I would also call to check on how it went.

Sometimes, I would call the employer and ask if I could be on the interviewing committee.  My client would feel better if they could just see me. I know this is overly extreme, but it worked, my client would get that job and do well there. There are some very understanding employers.

Sabotaging ourselves happens because of a trauma, that has turned into a mental state of mind.  It feels like the whole world is untrustworthy. People are against you. You are in some state of danger. Sounds like paranoia, yes, another symptom of trauma.

A Therapist’s job is to remind you of what you have accomplished for yourself and how far you have come. Sometimes, we fall back over some pressure and stress, but we must see how we have been thriving. It’s important to know that sometimes there will be harder days than others.

We have come to be self-aware that we are women and men of strength, we are survivors. We can find strength in each other. Together we can overcome anything.  I know we have all been there. Know that we are not alone. One of our main problems is we are not asking for help. We are stronger together.

When you are feeling low go to your support group or call a support group friend. You just might have called them at the right time, when they needed to be heard too. Why is it so hard to ask for help? Our pride maybe. Our ego says “we can do this ourselves” “we do not want to be seen as weak”. Really?

We are strong, we are courageous, we are nurturers, we are love, we are leaders. We are there for each other remember that.

Merry Christmas! Many blessings and strength to all of us.

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Can an Abuser Change

When we as women fall in love with some who we think will treat us with gentle love.  But when we decide to live with them there is a change in them. They take off the lamb’s disguise and show their real wolf character’s teeth. They are desperate or needed a place to live or someone to really have their way with. Some men love to conquer.  Especially if they are in the need of companionship.

As women, we were raised to take care of others. Place others first. Maybe not anymore, but in my day. In the Mexican culture men were fed first then the children were fed and the women who helped in the kitchen sat and ate.  As older women, we still serve our men first. Now, of course, we all sit together around the table as a family. It’s nice for all of us to eat together.

Especially if you can take the kids off the computers or T. V. video games. There are other cultures likewise the same. In my culture, men were given a special place. Thus, “Mama’s Boy”. Or more respect, because they were men. Back in the day, they were the ones that were going to make the money for the family.

If the dad beat the mom, you can too, can expect the same treatment, after the honeymoon is over. I remember a story I was told about a bride who made herself a beautiful wedding dress, It was so beautiful,  many of her friends admired it.

On her wedding day, and after the wedding, both couples went into their wedding suite and the groom could no longer wait for his bride to get undressed.

The groom ripped her beautiful wedding dress off and raped her. He was not gentle with her, she stated. He raped her again and again. Back in the day, women were like property. This happened a long time ago.

She told us that story and she said she took her torn-up wedding dress and made a wedding dress out of the same wedding dress material for a doll she adored. kept that doll dressed like that until the day she died. This lady would fantasize and change that night in her dreams.  Gave that doll to her niece to remember her bye.

What makes someone an abuser? They blame others for their own feelings. “you make me mad.” It’s your fault, I hit you”. We grow up with the change in our daily lives, every day since we were young. We missed the bus, who was going to take us to school, we did not want to miss the bus, now what? We are always ready to make changes; changes are in our everyday life. Can he change?

Can an abuser change? Only if he really wants to change. Many abusers are in angry management classes, but they are mandated by the court. They were given this alternative through the court-go to jail or classes. So, they want to stay out of jail, they pick the alternative, class.

They are there to do the time, not to sincerely feel like there’s a problem. They have been forced to be there. They will go along and say and do whatever it takes, they just want to get back to their normal life.

But you really want this person you love to change his ways, right?  But, consciously, it’s like an addiction or like correcting a personality flaw that is harmful to others or themselves. Can they change for the better?

Was there a problem from the start when you met him? Were they Traumatized as a young child or a young boy?  What’s behind the violence? They will not change unless they really want to.

For anyone to change they have to admit and take responsibility for what they have done. It is not easy for some men to admit they were wrong. Unless it will keep you from leaving them. It’s a survival skill for them.

I had a husband who would surprise me when we are having a simple conversation like you and I are having right now, then, out of nowhere and suddenly, there was a slap to my face or he’d hit me with his fist. I would ask (later) why? He’d say “I did not agree with what you said.”

Will they admit to being wrong? I have always said that “a man who hits a woman is because he is too stupid to deal with her brain or intellects, so he hits her instead.” Of course, they would prove my point, when I’d say that.

When we as women, start loving ourselves, and we are finally, feeling empowered and in control of the safety of our lives, then, we will be less likely to accept bad behavior from others, let alone from ourselves.

Let us all, become self-aware that we are survivors and no longer victims.

  • We learn to love ourselves again.
  • We are women of leadership.
  • We are self-aware of our worth and our self-esteem.
  • We are aware of strength and courage.
  • We are love and motherhood.
  • We are aware of our empowerment along with our other friend survivors. WE KNOW, WE ARE NOT ALONE.
  • We are nurturing, to ourselves, to our children, and others.
  • We have beauty, we have respect, and love for ourselves and others.
  • Always check in on your self-esteem, once in a while.

Let us find someone who can respect us and agree with us, about all of the above, or learn to take care of ourselves and our children. I promise you will be happier and safer. Have independence, which, feels Great!

Anyone can call these free hotlines, 24 hours a day, every day of the year. Whether you are the recipient of abuse, the perpetrator of abuse, or a third party in need of advice on behalf of someone enduring domestic abuse, you can call anonymously and receive help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Or the SAMH’s National helping line -1 800-6624357.

“When people are not motivated to engage in changing their behavior,” “they almost always, don’t change.”

Much happiness to you, along with many blessings. Because you are worth it.

My name is Rosa M. Luna and you can find me at RosaMLuna.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Unresolved Trauma is Killing You

In my coaching practice I work with women who struggle with unresolved trauma that extends back in time, sometimes trauma they endured from their earliest age. If you have traumatic memories locked away in dark recesses of your mind and hidden inside your body, this unresolved trauma is killing you.

This is an innate survival instinct. It’s as if your higher aware self realizes that if you had to deal with the pain from these adverse childhood experiences (ACE) head-on, you may not survive the process, and at the very least, it may affect the rest of your life so dramatically, your life may crumble all around you, jeopardizing your survival.

A client is attracted to or referred to my practice because they are suffering the consequences of repressing unresolved childhood trauma. While my clients may look like high-functioning adults on the surface, the unresolved traumatic wounds, which though they are hidden from the surface, continue to fester and infect the area in the mind or the body where they are hidden from conscious view.

The more the hidden wound remains ignored, the more the out-of-sight the more septic it becomes. It grows and spreads its toxic poison throughout the body, and it will surface somewhere as a symptom. When unresolved trauma expresses itself, it may show up in the form of disease symptoms.

Most medical science will dictate that if the patient comes in with the symptoms of gastrointestinal disorders, then following the prescribed treatment regimen for that disease would be the logical course of action to administer as a proper medical response.

But what if the root cause of the disease (whatever disease that may be) is this toxic ACE wound that is continuing to grow and release even more poison into the body, while the doctor treats the symptom?

The patient feels better, may even be able to clear the symptoms of the originally diagnosed disease, but the poison continues to spread, expressing itself again. This time presenting a new batch of symptoms. Maybe this time they show up as the symptoms of heart disease, some other disease, mental disorder, self or substance abuse.

The body will continue to break down and deteriorate until there is no life left in it if, and the victim will often entertain suicidal ideation if these unresolved childhood traumas are not dealt with, and they will have no idea why their life is in shambles. The symptoms can cause problems in all areas of life including friends, family, and the workplace.

If you are ignoring or pushing down your trauma from the past you are sick and tired, and your life is a mess.

The thing is, that your mind is desperately trying to protect you, and experience has convinced your subconscious mind that this (hiding the wounds) is the best course of action because it works – in the short term. You get up the next morning, your life goes on, seemingly without a hitch… while the poisonous toxins invade and spread silently in your body until they reach critical mass and reveal themselves.

In many cases, repressed trauma will stay hidden until another traumatic event, news reports, or the death of the perpetrator triggers the memory.

In my life, I have dealt with enough adult trauma to keep me focused on my own recovery. I have spent most of my adult life working with others dealing with mental health issues, many of which were the result of repressed trauma, and it wasn’t until my own childhood trauma was uncovered under hypnosis, that I realized how important this work is and how deep the rabbit hole could go.

I was nearly killed as a four-year-old victim of sexual abuse, and this led to a series of victimization which continued until my teens, which my mind protected me from, knowing that I might not have made it otherwise, so these memories were secretly stored in my body, and they did express themselves as a disease.

Into my adult years, I continued to find myself in dangerous and abusive situations, dealing with each one, until I could finally break the cycle. I then focused my efforts to help other victims do the same, freeing themselves from the cycle of abuse, healing hidden wounds of unresolved trauma, and starting a new life, free from trauma.

Some of this work is so critical and deep, that we must summon all the power of God and the universe to do this sacred work.

I am a fourth-generation Curandera Healer, who retired from my work as a Mental Health Counselor for the State of Oregon after 34 years of service. I also studied to become a Reiki Master and teacher, and am a Certified Olympian Life Coach.

It takes all the therapeutic science, training, tools, techniques, spiritual practices, and intuitive coaching methods I have been able to accumulate to find ways to help victims take their lives back from the trauma they suffered in the past, so they do not have to be victims anymore or ever again.

I have written a book entitled Trauma-ties which reveals my traumatic past and gives the reader insights into their own potential hidden and repressed trauma. I also train and certify counselors to be Trauma Advisors.

If you are suffering from repressed trauma, please feel free to reach out to me. And remember, you are not alone. With a compassionate and empathetic hand, we can get you through this.

If you are a therapist or counselor looking to expand your practice to include helping others with unresolved trauma, and you are interested in becoming a Certified Trauma Advisor (CTA), please contact me as well.

Many blessings to you and yours,

Rosa M Luna

 

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What is EMDR?

EMDR combines different elements to maximize treatment effects. A full description of the theory, sequence of treatment, and research on protocols and active mechanisms. (references can be found in F. Shapiro (2001) Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing:  Basic principles, protocols, and procedures (2nd edition) New York: Guilford Press.

EMDR therapy involves attention to three time periods:  the past, present, and future.  Focus is given to past disturbing memories and related events.  Also, it is given to current situations that cause distress,  as did the bills that had accumulated for our client Mary. This had caused much stress and assisted Mary in developing the skills and attitudes needed for positive future actions.

With EMDR therapy, these items are addressed using an eight-level treatment approach. The following are some of the treatment plans we used.

Level 1:  The first phase is a history-taking session(s). Our team and our therapist assess the client’s readiness and develop a treatment plan. Client and therapist identify possible targets for EMDR processing.

These include distressing memories and current situations that cause emotional distress.  Other targets may include related incidents in the past.  Processing may be directed to childhood events.

Mary preferred to write all her incidents and e-mail them to us. Then, to adult-onset stressors or the identified critical incident if the client had a problematic childhood.

The length of treatment depends upon the number of traumas and the age of PTSD onset.  Generally, those with single event adult onset trauma can be successfully treated in under 5 hours.  Multiple trauma victims may require a longer treatment time.

Level  2:  During the second phase of treatment, together, our team and our therapist ensure that the client has several different ways of handling emotional distress.  We are all aware of our therapist teaching Mary a variety of imagery and stress reduction techniques that Mary could use to maintain equilibrium during and between sessions.

Sometimes, we would get messages on the main phone line when Mary was going through something. Someone in our team would get a hold of Mary. Sometimes she just wanted to live us a message.

Levels 3-6:  In phases three to six, we would identify and processed using EMDR therapy procedures.  These involve our client identifying three things:

  •   The vivid visual image related to the memory
  • A negative belief about self.
  •  Related emotions and body sensations.

In addition, Mary could identify,  a positive belief.  Our team would help Mary rate the positive belief as well as the intensity of the negative emotions. We would also let Mary how proud we were of her.

Depending upon Mary’s report, our team would choose the next focus of attention and Mary would be involved of course.  These repeated sets with directed focus and attention occurred numerous times throughout our sessions.

If Mary became distressed or had difficulty in progressing, our therapist would follow established procedures to help Mary get back on track.

When Mary reported no distress related to the targeted memory, she was asked to think of the preferred positive belief that was identified at the beginning of the session.  At this time, Mary would adjust the positive belief, if necessary, and then focus on it during the next set of distressing events. Sometimes, Mary would report having difficultly focusing but stated once she used the breathing techniques, she was better or just leave us an e-mail. Mary was very active in reporting her day or emotions on the computer, sometimes, they were very lengthy.

Level 7:  In phase seven, closure, the therapist asks the client to keep a log during the week.  The log should document any related material that may arise.  It serves to remind the client of the self-calming activities that were mastered in phase two. Mary later admitted to actually enjoyed letting us know, by writing a whole lengthy report.

Level 8:  The next session begins with phase eight.  Phase eight consists of examining the progress made thus far. Our whole team would meet with Mary, or we would talk about her successes in our daily meetings. knowing how positive the process was.

The EMDR treatment processes all related historical events, current incidents that elicit distress, and future events that will require different responses. That is, Mary should be able to get better results and be healed in less time. Mary would have to continue to be seen as long as she wanted. Mary started a job and using her specialty in creating websites. Mary was very successful in working for a company that is aware of her challenges and call us if there would be a concern.

All of this amazing process was discovered by the following amazing lady, Francine Shapiro, Ph.D., This amazing discoverer is the originator and developer of EMDR.

For more information, visit: https://www.emdr.com/

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Healing Trauma with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

This is another discovery that I had forgotten about until I ran into a friend with whom I used to work at a mental health clinic. I asked him about how work was going and then I remembered he had taken this process course for his work as a Mental Health Professional (MHP).

He said he took some time off to finish getting his certification.  I asked if this process really worked. YES! And it takes less time to heal. It takes maybe 3 to 6 months, depending on the client, he may be healed in 12 to 26 sessions.

This may take a lot less time, instead of years. The Client needs to be ready to do what is asked of him or her. Easy and almost painless.

I was chosen to be part of this mental health team and partner up with my friend. This was before we became friends. This was how I met my new friend.

As a team, we were assigned to work with a client who had lost her partner to cancer. A very educated lady, who had taken her sick leave and all her vacation to be with her partner, but later had to leave her position to support her partner until the partner’s death. ]

This devastated Mary, our client.

As trauma does, it leaves you in shambles and it changes the cells and nervous system, affects the brain cells, and basically the body as a whole.

My friend and all those involved with her treatment plan, including our client, Mary, started the process of healing her. Utilizing EMDR treatment.

The reprocessing involves “reflecting on specific experiences of past trauma in your life. It is a form of therapy that helps people like Mary to heal from trauma or other distressing life experiences, during her lifetime.

These are the experiences causing you the most stress, grief, or other emotional reaction. This formal process takes time and requires the services of a trained therapist, and certified specifically for the EMDR therapy program treatment.  Most people gain remarkable, life-changing success in 12 to 20 sessions.

Mary was mainly interested in finding a job to pay some of her basic bills, which started to pile up. This was causing her more non-relieving stress. Mary wanted a job.

It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. However, EMDR therapy, shows that the mind can in fact be healed from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma. We used the EMDR to re-wire the healing process to give Mary the focus needed for a job.

Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference.

EMDR therapy helps children and adults of all ages. My friend said, the therapists use EMDR with a wide range of challenges, including, but not limited to, sexual assault, pain, panic attacks, violence, abuse and anxiety, and PTSD.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that was originally designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories (Shapiro, 1989a, 1989b). Shapiro’s (2001) Adaptive Information Processing model, EMDR therapy facilitates the accessing and processing of traumatic memories and other adverse life experiences to bring these to an adaptive resolution.

After successful treatment with EMDR therapy, affective distress is relieved. Negative beliefs are reformulated, and physiological arousal is reduced.

This is so amazing for the sufferer. Mary started showing some positive results. Her treatment plan would have to be changed, as some of her skills started coming back to her.

During EMDR therapy Mary paid attention to emotionally disturbing material in brief sequential doses while simultaneously focusing on an external stimulus. For example, talking to people about her working skills. Mary was good in using computer technology and knowledge of her feelings, to express herself upon reporting using technics learned, texting, and/or e-mailing her feelings and experiences of some of the positive results that she had received by EMDR therapy.

Her therapist (my friend), directed lateral eye movements in the most commonly used external stimulus, and a variety of other stimuli including hand-tapping and audio stimulation are often used.

Our team and our EMDR therapist met to facilitate and access the traumatic memory network, so that information processing is enhanced, with new associations forged between the traumatic memory and more adaptive memories or information. This was to check if Mary would be able to safely excess her information.

These new associations are thought to result in complete information processing, new learning, elimination of emotional distress, and development of cognitive insights.

EMDR therapy uses a three-pronged protocol: (1) the past events that have laid the groundwork for dysfunction are processed, forging new associative links with adaptive information.

(2) the current circumstances that elicit distress are targeted, and internal and external triggers are desensitized. This part of the process was successful with Mary with some assistance of some help from our other teams.

(3) imaginal templates of future events are incorporated, to assist our client in acquiring the skills needed for adaptive functioning. Mary was required to make reports, and send us information on her feelings, and some other parts of the process by using tools our therapist suggested, without speaking in detail or doing homework used with other therapies.

Which, as I understand it, EMDR has been so well researched, that it is now recommended as an effective treatment for trauma.

In the Practice Guidelines of the American Psychiatric Association, and those of the Departments of Defense and Veterans Affairs.

Dr. Shapiro is a Senior Research Fellow Emeritus at the Mental Research Institute in Palo Alto, California, Executive Director of the EMDR Institute in Watsonville, CA, and founder and President Emeritus of the non-profit organization that coordinates disaster response and low fee training worldwide.

We are so fortunate, to have these healers in our midst. You may find some of these EMDR therapists in most of the local Mental Health, or Behavioral Health clinical facilities.

We could use this discovery by Francine Shapiro Ph.D. I understand it has been around since 1988.

For more information, visit: https://www.emdr.com/

I hope this is helpful, information. Many Blessings to all.

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Grief Over Loss of a Loved One is Traumatizing

I am writing about death, grieving, it is like another blow to the heart. Haven’t we suffered enough? Grief hurts just as bad, if not more. I just got the news that one of my older sisters died. During this time of the pandemic. the funeral had to be limited. So out of respect for my other family, I did not attend the funeral services.

My sister’s immediate family did not want videos taken, so we could not see them.  No one disrespected their wishes. One of my nieces was unable to come to her mom’s funeral. This is the fourth sister I have lost. Out of 14 of us, only nine of my siblings remain. It sounds like a lot of families still left, but not when you’re missing a few.

I miss my sisters so much; it is hard to put feelings into words. I understand crying is OK. Missing them is OK. My spiritual beliefs help me to understand the why?

They are in a better world, no pain. What you or I believe in, could be a wonderful resource for grief recovery or if you are religious and believe in hell!

Or purgatory, a place to dwell until judgment day. Then how am I supposed to deal with that? I will have to pray her out of there, what am I supposed to do? Or is believing in my past church teachings, like a barrier for us to heal.

Life is Death

I was told that death is part of the life cycle. Why? It hurts so damn much. Is it like the menstrual cycle? You can’t stop it unless you’re giving life to a child. How ironic, isn’t it? No control…

What Can You Say?

Some friends will also pull back and some of my other family, will not talk to me because they really do not know what to say.  They speak my sister’s name and I break down.  You feel abandoned.

The thing you can say is, “I am sorry for your loss,” and back away. And for god’s sake, don’t say, “I know what you are going through.” This is not the time when the heart wound is open and bleeding.

To hurt is part of being a real and alive human being. They say one of the ways to heal from grief is to talk about the person. My sister and I were close. We were closer in age. My sister was the prettiest one of all of us, eight girls. She was my mom’s favorite. When my sister would visit my mother just after we were all married, my sister would come to visit and clean her house and would be doing the chores for her.

When I would come to visit, my sister had already cleaned the house, so I would be spending quality time with my mom. We spent time talking. I loved that and I miss her, so much. My mom died when she was 52 years old. She died too young.

What Can You Do?

The following was what I was told to do after the death of my loved one;

  • Take care of yourself. Make sure that my physical health is good.
  • Keep doing what is routine in my life, go to bed at my regular time. Even if I don’t feel sleepy. Do not drink alcohol or do drugs, they are not the answer.
  • Instead, I should meditate, do yoga, pray for my sister to be happy for her, no matter where she may be.
  • It’s OK to cry, crying will heal me as long as I express myself emotionally.
  • Talk about my sister, to those who know how it feels to lose a loved one.
  • For me to make time for myself. If I needed to be alone, find time to do so.

Well, my friends thank you for allowing me to mourn my sister and my mother. It helps to have someone to talk to and cry with. I pray that when it happens to you, God will give you the courage and the right answers. I was also told that death is a universal experience, it happens to all of us.

Many blessings to all of us.

Thank you for being here for me.