I am sure you have heard or seen others cheat on their husbands or wives Where are they now? Are they still together? If they are it is a miracle. Why? Because, if your love has cheated on you. That relationship will never be the same again. That trust has been broken. The emotional thrust of this relationship has been broken.
Sometimes, couples stay together, I have known only one. The wife of a client of mine had an affair, that lasted for a short time. After the affair his wife told him, he said she told him because their marriage had become so boring, she needed to find excitement elsewhere. It divested my client. He moved out of his house. Had to find his way of support because, after all this, he lost his job, I believe it was due to finding out his wife of 29 years, had an affair. They fired him.
My client was not the same again. He later moved back into his house. Things seem to be OK for a while. But things changed when he found out she had met someone else. He looked into an e-mail that had come in on her phone. He stated he did not mean to look, but it grabbed his attention. When her friend sends her a selfie that they had taken of themselves dancing.
They were very upset with each other. His wife tried to blame him again. They fought a lot. But in time, somehow they made up. I was impressed. My client said it took a long time to trust her again, it took a lot of communication. Lots of dating, they spend more time together, going to places alone, just by themselves. Traveled to Hawaii on vacation. I want to believe that their love for each other won in the end.
Another story that did not turn out so well, A client of mine had cancer at a young age, this was due to unresolved trauma. Even though her children were all grown, and she felt good about that. They were all grown and did not depend on her anymore.
she discovered she had breast cancer. At first, she did not want the chemo treatments because of the devastating side effects, she just wanted to die. She came to my office one day and gave me the most beautiful blue set of bowls. She said she had decided to die of cancer instead of living. She had decided to give away her precious things to people she loved or appreciated and I was one of them.
This beautiful lady was later convinced by her children and husband that they loved her very much and wanted her to live, so she started chemotherapy. Sometimes, she would come to my office and cry because her beautiful hair was falling off. We connected the hair connection for chemo ladies and got her a wig that looked a lot like her hair and she was emotionally much better. This trauma was devastating for my client, she cried many times in my office and sometimes in my arms.
Long story short, my client had her good days and her bad days. One day she came in and stated she felt her husband was having an affair with her best friend. She wanted to hire an investigator, I agreed, thinking, this would ease her tension. So, one day she was here in the office when she got a call from the investigator, he suggests that she should drive to her best friend’s house and call her friend on her cell phone and ask for her husband.
My client did as her investigator suggested. She called her friend and asked for her husband, her friend said he was not there. She then hung up with her and called her husband, he answered and he said he was at a store buying a part for their sink. My client said no, I am outside so and so’s the place, and your pick-up truck is parked in her driveway, why are you both lying to me? 2 weeks later my client was dead. This had hurt my client so much she committed suicide.
This has a very sad ending. In her last meeting with me, she said,” I have no breast, I have no hair, I cannot even make love to my husband, because Dr. says my immune system is so low, my husband could give me another infection.
I am no longer a woman; I do not blame him for finding someone else”. There was no convincing her at that moment. No matter what I said. To have her see how important she was to her children and her grandchildren.
My client stated, “I cannot live without him. I love him so much. I never in my dreams thought he would ever do this to me”. She said “I truly, believed he loved me too.” She sobbed that morning. I let her sleep on my couch for a little while, I did not feel she should be driving at a time like this. I am glad she slept; she must have not been getting a good night’s sleep.
Can someone, cheating on each other cause trauma? Yes, and if you do not resolve your trauma it could cause you to feel many unpleasant emotional feelings, including suicide. Please remember to get help, talk to someone you trust. Think of those who do love you… remember all those who know you and love you very much. What will you do to them? They would have preferred for you to be alive.
Please stay well and may God bless you and give strength and courage to go on.