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Child Trauma and Lying

An example of child trauma and lying.  It was the holidays and I was having dinner with my relatives. Everyone was invited and it was going to be a potluck dinner. People were arriving and as the door opened my son who was 6 years old, ran up to one of my relatives and said: “My mommy doesn’t like your food, it’s always bad.” I barked at him, “Mijo, that not true!” An example of child trauma and lying.

Have you ever had a child say something you wished he had not said? Or see something they should not have seen?  I wanted the ground to swallow me up at that moment.

Children often get in trouble for saying something they shouldn’t at the wrong time. Children are so innocent; they have not been destroyed by the social hypocrisy of life yet. So, their social, emotional, and thought reactions are still innocent and they are unashamedly very honest.

When playing, they giggle and laugh with joy, you can see their innocence in their playtime. They are happy, and if you hurt their feelings, they cry like you ripped their hearts out of their chest, which could make you cry, too.

When they cry, they come to you for comfort, love, and protection. They just want you to hold them, hug and “kiss their pain away.” And magically, they go off and play with a big smile. Sometimes, adults see this as annoying. It makes an adult feel like it is okay to lie to children, As children turn into adults, they too, start the cycle of lying. This is learned behavior because that was the example that was well taught and well learned.

Sometimes, as adults, we justify, and lying is sometimes, the easier strategy when you’re in a working environment. For example, you needed a report from work and the boss wanted to know if you were done with it? You tell him “yes,” but you will have to do more work on it to get it as he wants it. You were not truthful about the report.

Another, very popular one is the “do I look fat in this dress?” routine. Another reason is to save someone from hurting their feelings. What I am trying to say is, sometimes we do say a “little white lie”. But a lie is a “lie.” We may tell our kids to “Tell us the truth, don’t lie to me.”

But we are such hypocrites to survive in our lives. In this society and our environment and situational life sometimes we do what we feel like we have to do to live according to our living situation.

Sometimes lying is a better strategy as said earlier. In our society, as we grow up, we lie. We are dishonest with the IRS, and sadly, to some, it is the way of life. Lying is a survival skill.

Well, of course, our children grow up very confused, “but mom and dad, you lied too.”

Here’s another example, your child has been abused by a relative. The child is trying to tell you or an adult in his/her life. Will the adult take the child seriously? We don’t always think about it really, we are too busy with life.

If we do not listen, this could do some very bad damage and cause traumatic wounds leading to illness or diseases later in this child’s life as an adult. They could become addicted to alcohol and drugs due to the painful experiences and memories, that occurred during childhood.

Children learn from their parent’s behavior. As adults, we don’t have to be afraid, scared, or feel distrust from another person, if we rediscover who we really are.

What kind of human beings do we want to be? Do we want to be trustworthy to others and ourselves? Would we want to be treated with respect? Do you want to be around others, who value themselves as well?

It’s up to the parents to decide what kind of people we want our children to grow up and be.

Many blessings to all who care for their children.