Month: December 2020

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Turning the calendar 2020 page into calendar 2021 page

Happy new year! How do YOU, bring in the new year. Many people in many cultures bring in the new year, by placing a hand-made scarecrow, fill it with unwanted material or letters that you wrote about the troubles of this year 2020 of releasing what you don’t want. Place inside it the scarecrow’s pockets and at midnight, on the strike of 12.00 A.M. lighted up in a safe place. All the family or those who believe in this tradition, stand around and see all their troubles and worries, burn away. All regrets gone.

There is another tradition, where people clean their houses, save the dirty water in a bucket and at midnight throw the water outside. You welcome the new year in a clean house. Representing a clean start for the New Year. I am sure there are many ways, people bring in the new year.

We have had a different year, this year, we saw our share of bad luck, the COVID-19 virus, People lose their jobs, on January 15th people will possibly lose their homes. More homeless out in the streets, unfortunately, Children included. I read on the internet that many popular restaurants are closing. I-hop restaurant, I am going to miss the pancakes. They said it was due to people are now eating healthier.

Applebee’s, taco bell, not all restaurants, but the ones not making much money. There are many many more, some not closing in certain locations like olive gardens, Burger King, the biggest hamburger and fries’ place Red Robbins. They are closing 10 percent of their locations.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! – ITS AS IF, AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT ALL WILL CHANGE, MAGICALLY!

It is as if there is something magical about New Year’s Eve. It is a very powerful symbol that wipes out the bad stuff and brings in new possibilities. A new job. A new relationship. Better financial opportunities.  On and on.

I wish we could take the disappointments, our fears, the unwelcomed health problems we now face with the virus, many other uncertainties that could come our way.  I pray all these restrictions disappear and all of us who own a little business, survive for another round. Everyone is trying to do their best. Even trying to be positive.  Let me tell you, it’s starting to be a little wary and it is taking a toll on all of us.

I sprinkle the world with positive energy, the white light of the holy spirit. I add the surviving with the divine energy and pray for everyone’s courage and strength to be filled with what people need to survive this pandemic. Our people are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

We must do what we must to survive.  Make room for the new open yourself to the potential of receiving. I bless my daily basic what comes with every day.  Like this Christmas, I received cards with loving messages from friends that I had not heard of in a long time. It’s a blessing.

I bless many things you might think is weird. Like my bills for coming in and my money for been here for me to pay them. Manny things you receive are blessings. If you think of them in a positive way and sincerely throughout the feeling and strong emotions, a blessing will come your way. Just pay attention. to the little blessings. People saying “hello” which means I love you as a person. People who do not know you will come up and say good morning.

Open your arms to the beautiful sky and the sunshine, when you see the sun thank it for coming your way to shine on you. We have an ocean of abundance. If we put out positive energy and thoughts, we will receive positive blessings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE AND MANY BEAUTIFUL BLESSINGS FOR 2021.

 

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Listening to Your Children as Adults

I have heard many stories of parents talking to their kids as adults and finally, our children healing from all the hurt, and pain.  It is the most difficult thing a parent can do. Mainly because it is hard to hear what a bad parent you were as your children were growing up. How they did not have a say on who would be permitted to live with us like a bad boyfriend. Who your mom would marry and introduce them to your new husband and the kids had no say in it.“Another marriage”

I would tell the kids we’d have more income and do more or have more, but like one of my kids would now tell me “mom we had more when we were by ourselves. We were happier too. Another thing my child, now as an adult. “The houses we stay in were dumps when you would get into another marriage.” I back then, did not see that. But now that the kids brought that up, it was true.

Is it hard to hear all this? Yes, but as one parent stated. It’s something, that needs to be done if you love your kids and you want them to heal from all the drama. Talk to one kid at a time.; You don’t want to feel like you are been “held prisoner or everyone is against you.” You just might not feel so regretful. That will be a bad experience as a parent and you will feel like you have to defend yourself.

Now they are adults, they have children too. I ask do they understand more? No. “mom, how could you have spanked us as you did?”  It hurts me when I have to discipline my kids.” Do you remember me saying “it’s going to hurt me more than you?” That’s what I meant”.

“Forgive yourself”

Now, that I know better, about how trauma causing diseases and unexpected illnesses, can come about if trauma continues to be unresolved. I feel it is a must for all of us to heal. Including the parent. You will feel better because your child has healed from the past trauma, you feel you have caused them. First of all, “forgive yourself too.” Because your adult kids will heal from this and be better parents themselves.

Here are some followings tips:

  • Maintain eye contact.
  • Don’t interrupt.
  • If allowed, ask questions.
  • Listen for the total meaning of what they are trying to explain.
  • Avoid counterattacks.
  • Try not to justify, their hurt or pain.
  • Ask if you can respond. If not, say “OK, I am here to listen.”
  • Be respectful.
  • Apologize for their hurt.

Apologize for their hurt, even if it was not your fault. Sometimes, if you talk to them in a soft tone, they will respond softly as well. Depending on your response, they could go off on you and if they are not

“If I could go back and change things, I would”.

 

calming down. Then you, lovingly. say “we can continue on another day, after you have calmed down, I will be here for you.”

You are the one who inflicted the pain, then say “I am sorry for hurting you, I never wanted to inflict pain on you and if I could go back and change things, you know I would.”

Your time and attention to our adult children are valuable to them and for us. in this way our kids will feel valued, and appreciated. Having this heavy talk will be good for their healing of the trauma we bestowed on them.

Did we do this on purpose? No. of course not, we love them. I pray that is all that they needed to spill out of their system. Is done, I wanted healing, peace, and love most of all for each of my children. Now that they are adults. I really want them to be healthy as well. Unresolved trauma kills.

There is so much to be grateful for our children and grandchildren are a big part of the mind. I thank everyone who healed them and are keep company with them as well, as their spouses. All my children are married. I pray they are happy.

Manny blessing and happiness to all.

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Issues Faced by Male Survivors

Most of us do not always hear about the topic of male sexual abuse. Why? Most men do not want to talk about it. Do they go to a therapist to talk to them about it? Not always. There is a general need to deny the existence of male sexual assault. It is rooted in the belief that men are immune to being victimized.

There is a belief that men can’t be forced into sex, either they want it or they don’t. Such stupid beliefs leave the man feeling isolated, ashamed, and “less of a man.” Even self-blame, leaves men suffering in silence after being sexually assaulted.

5 to 20 percent of all victims of sexual assaults are actually reported.  This is another sad fact, why we don’t hear of these sadistic acts. For most men, the idea of being a victim is hard to handle. These beliefs about manliness and masculinity are deeply pressed into our brothers as men. Some male survivors even question themselves, because in their minds they failed to defend themselves.

Male survivors see their assault as a loss of manhood and get disgusted with themselves because in their minds they did not fight hard enough. Their feelings are a normal reaction, but their thoughts are not valid. As a result of that, they feel shame and become very angry, so much so that some get into self-destructive behavior, like alcohol or drug abuse. Increased aggressiveness, like arguing with coworkers and others resort to picking fights.

This type of assault could affect and develop increased sexual difficulties. It may be difficult to resume sexual relationships, because it may trigger flashbacks, memories of the attack, or just bad feelings. Do not pressure yourself to be sexual before you are ready. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with sexual orientation. People do not become gay as a result of being sexually assaulted.

Gay men, however, already suffer from internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he deserved it. That it was the paying price for his sexual orientation. This self-blame, which, unfortunately, can be reinforced by the ignorance or intolerance of others who blame the victim by suggesting that a gay victim somehow provoked the assault or was less harmed by it because he was gay.

Gay men may also hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel. Because of this assault, gay men may be deprived of legal protection and necessary medical attention. Some sexual assaults of men are actually forms of gay-bashing, are at times motivated by fear, bullying, and hatred of homosexuality. Perpetrators may verbally abuse their victims and imply that the victim deserved to be sexually assaulted.

It is important to remember that sexual assault is an act of violence, power, and control that NO ONE DESERVES THAT.

What to do if you have just been sexually assaulted

  • Get to a safe place
  • Call someone who can help you: a friend or the police – 911.
  • Do not shower, drink, eat or change your clothes. These activities can destroy evidence should you decide to press charges.
  • Get medical attention – Hospital staff knows what to do in cases like this. Using a Rape kit.
  • Write everything down that you can remember. this may become helpful in any legal action that you may decide to take.

The trauma of sexual assault involves losing control of your own body and fearing life or death. Whether you are a man or a woman, sexual assault is traumatizing. There are certain ways that we can react to trauma that are the same for men and women. “Rape trauma syndrome” is a term mental health professionals use to describe the common reactions that occur for both men and women after a sexual assault. “Rape trauma syndrome” is not an illness.  It is an abnormal reaction to a traumatic event.

Many blessings to you, may our creator of miracles, protect all of you.

Stay in good health.

 

 

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Are Our Children Suffering in Secret?

How are our kids doing today, late in December 2020? Christmas is over the new year is almost here. What does that mean to our children? Nothing, 2021, to our children is just another day, with an angry parent who still can’t find work. No school for the kids of age to go to school, now, more restrictions about gathering. Still no school for kids. Tensions are up high for the adults.

The children still miss their friends from school. Some are missing their teacher. Are the kids really doing homework/school work on their laptops? Do they have supervision? Is mom helping them?  Some parents are working if they work in a health care career or are front-line workers.

Who is taking care of those children when the parent(s) have to work and/or they are single workers? Some hospitals have daycare services or night shift children care providers. That is good, those children at least get to see other children or other people who care for them.

I was reading a report from Joe Dorman, a former legislator and CEO of the institute for child advocacy. He made a very good point. There is a decrease in the reporting of child abuse, child abuse reportings have been down since February 2020.

Is that a good thing? It just means that because children are not going to school where teachers can see the bruises on these little children or bigger kids too. They are mandatory reporters who care about their classroom kiddos. There go the children’s caretakers, who almost always look for physical and emotional abuse on the children. Too, parents are not working and are staying at home with the children.

Parents are jobless, there is a lot of tension among the adults of the family. They have to get on unemployment claims, and in some states, they have to wait for up to a month due to a shortage of state funding, they need food stamps, and maybe, they require public assistance. That is not easy.

Having to stand in line and look at people you know or you seeing people you know there too, is humiliating and does not feel good to be asking for help. Even if the world as a whole is trying to survive this economy and this pandemic.

Due to the lack of mandatory reporters, there is no one for the children to report to. Who are they going to get help from? They are just children who have NO control over their lives.

There are many trauma-informed schools, where some of the school staff, were trained in identifying children in need of help.  Again, due to the COVID 19, what help are they today, right now. Children are living under adverse conditions. Who is going to check on them?

There is an organization that serves our most vulnerable and low-income population. The Child Abuse Network. They have been concerned as “as shelter-in-place orders were enacted and children at risk, lost a connection to caring adults outside the home, who could report suspected abuse.”

The president and CEO of the Child Abuse Network released a report stating that “instead of being safer at home, helpless children are trapped in an unsafe environment aggravated by the stress and economic instability inflicted by the pandemic. All indicators show the pandemic has led to a child abuse epidemic.”

If you suspect child abuse and neglect or are concern about someone abusing their children. Please have the courage to call the Child Abuse Hot Line – 1 800 522-3511 available 24/7 help. Or 911 can connect you to someone who can help.

I know that there are programs out there, that can help. If you are a friend, relative, or just someone who can help a child and in your heart fear this child or children are being abused. Call for help or advice, is better than not calling at all.

Many Blessings and protection for all of us and our children

 

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Can cheating on your Love cause Trauma

I am sure you have heard or seen others cheat on their husbands or wives Where are they now? Are they still together? If they are it is a miracle. Why? Because, if your love has cheated on you. That relationship will never be the same again. That trust has been broken. The emotional thrust of this relationship has been broken.

Sometimes, couples stay together, I have known only one. The wife of a client of mine had an affair, that lasted for a short time.  After the affair his wife told him, he said she told him because their marriage had become so boring, she needed to find excitement elsewhere. It divested my client. He moved out of his house.  Had to find his way of support because, after all this, he lost his job, I believe it was due to finding out his wife of 29 years, had an affair. They fired him.

My client was not the same again. He later moved back into his house. Things seem to be OK for a while. But things changed when he found out she had met someone else. He looked into an e-mail that had come in on her phone. He stated he did not mean to look, but it grabbed his attention. When her friend sends her a selfie that they had taken of themselves dancing.

They were very upset with each other. His wife tried to blame him again. They fought a lot. But in time, somehow they made up. I was impressed. My client said it took a long time to trust her again, it took a lot of communication. Lots of dating, they spend more time together, going to places alone, just by themselves. Traveled to Hawaii on vacation. I want to believe that their love for each other won in the end.

Another story that did not turn out so well, A client of mine had cancer at a young age, this was due to unresolved trauma. Even though her children were all grown, and she felt good about that. They were all grown and did not depend on her anymore.

she discovered she had breast cancer. At first, she did not want the chemo treatments because of the devastating side effects, she just wanted to die. She came to my office one day and gave me the most beautiful blue set of bowls. She said she had decided to die of cancer instead of living. She had decided to give away her precious things to people she loved or appreciated and I was one of them.

This beautiful lady was later convinced by her children and husband that they loved her very much and wanted her to live, so she started chemotherapy. Sometimes, she would come to my office and cry because her beautiful hair was falling off. We connected the hair connection for chemo ladies and got her a wig that looked a lot like her hair and she was emotionally much better. This trauma was devastating for my client, she cried many times in my office and sometimes in my arms.

Long story short, my client had her good days and her bad days. One day she came in and stated she felt her husband was having an affair with her best friend.  She wanted to hire an investigator, I agreed, thinking, this would ease her tension. So, one day she was here in the office when she got a call from the investigator, he suggests that she should drive to her best friend’s house and call her friend on her cell phone and ask for her husband.

My client did as her investigator suggested. She called her friend and asked for her husband, her friend said he was not there. She then hung up with her and called her husband, he answered and he said he was at a store buying a part for their sink. My client said no, I am outside so and so’s the place, and your pick-up truck is parked in her driveway, why are you both lying to me? 2 weeks later my client was dead. This had hurt my client so much she committed suicide.

This has a very sad ending. In her last meeting with me, she said,” I have no breast, I have no hair, I cannot even make love to my husband, because Dr. says my immune system is so low, my husband could give me another infection.

I am no longer a woman; I do not blame him for finding someone else”. There was no convincing her at that moment. No matter what I said. To have her see how important she was to her children and her grandchildren.

My client stated, “I cannot live without him. I love him so much. I never in my dreams thought he would ever do this to me”. She said “I truly, believed he loved me too.” She sobbed that morning. I let her sleep on my couch for a little while, I did not feel she should be driving at a time like this. I am glad she slept; she must have not been getting a good night’s sleep.

Can someone, cheating on each other cause trauma? Yes, and if you do not resolve your trauma it could cause you to feel many unpleasant emotional feelings, including suicide. Please remember to get help, talk to someone you trust. Think of those who do love you… remember all those who know you and love you very much. What will you do to them? They would have preferred for you to be alive.

Please stay well and may God bless you and give strength and courage to go on.

 

 

 

 

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Is Suicide The Answer

There is so much pain and suffering from trauma, mental and physical pain, and illnesses, like cancer for example. Doctors can give you pain killers, just to get addicted to them soon enough. Many people have survived cancer, more now than ever before. Holistic healing is the major reason. Yes, at one time, chemo-therapy cancer treatment, was thought to be the only way to go.  The cure was worse than the disease.  Chemotherapy cancer treatment, “is a curative intent. It is aimed to prolong life or reduce symptoms (Wikipedia)

Many people have taken their life, because of cancer. I believe it’s the hardest news to get, next to my son or my daughter’s death. As I have seen, it’s a miserable experience getting all the chemotherapy treatments.

There are so many suicides, every day according to the internet, there is an average of 132 suicides per day, or every 12 minutes just right here in this country. It is so sad that these people did not get help. Especially if they left children, spouses, or really anyone who loved them.

They probably felt like they had no choice. This next statement may sound cruel to you, but sometimes that’s a choice that a person has to make. Unfortunately, there is no choice to end this pain and suffering.

It takes a very brave person.

My dearest loving sister had cancer. Maria Elena was her name. To me, she was the bravest person I have ever met.  Maria Elena suffered from cancer for 18 years. I remember seeing her very sick and in a lot of pain when she took Chemo. (under her doctor’s care, of course.)

Unfortunately, my sister did not believe in holistic healing. When she did try to go to a healing institution, it was too expensive and they told her cancer was too far advanced, her insurance would not cover her cost.

My sister was very religious, she felt that God was punishing her for having bad thoughts about her husband. She wanted to leave him at one time. Then, she spoke to the stupidest person in the whole world about it. He said, “there you go that’s why”. Her father.

What we feel at the core of our soul and belief, sometimes does not help. It is as if (and I have heard this before) the universe heard you and It said, “your wish is my command”. What you feel and wish, by putting some strong emotion to back it up, comes to be.

I believe that a suicide mission depends a lot on what the person can bear and if they can let someone know that cares, they can get help. But if that person has no one, feels alone, depressed, and has extreme pain, they will commit suicide. Do we have control over anyone like that and can help? That is the only way to stop the suicidal person.

If they have a detailed plan on how they will kill themselves and start giving away things that were precious to them. They are saying “goodbye”

Some of the following are some signs of suicidal ideations;

  • Drastic changes in mood or other notable behavior.
  • Aggressiveness or irritability.
  • Threaten to kill themselves.
  • A loved one feels hopeless and cannot imagine the future.
  • Drastic mood changes.
  • Giving things away.
  • They feel like life is not worth living.
  • Frequently talking about death.
  • That person is feeling like a burden to their loved ones or others.
  • The negative view of self.
  • Even making funeral arrangements.

If you get the feeling of or know of, someone wanting to take their life. Do something.

If you know of someone and need help to decide if that person needs help. Please call –

1 800-273-8255

or call the “National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, –911.

It is a tragic reaction to a stressful life situation. Please “reach out” to someone, don’t let it go that far.

Is there something special we can say other than “I love you”, “I will miss you”.  I am so sorry, my readers. I don’t know what other encouraging words there are to stop someone from taking their life.  “I will miss you” has worked for me.

I feel love for you, we want you to feel love for your life, love for those who love you and will miss you. But most and first of all, love for yourself.

May God Bless and give you strength.

 

 

 

 

 

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Why do the cycles of trauma continue?

Does that mean that the trauma will never stop? No, that just means that you have not stopped the cycle in your life.  Have you changed your life circumstances? Have you physically stopped the violence in your personal life? How about your friends? Or is it your immediate family? Your kids, How about your parents

 

  • Get help for yourself?
  • Is there someone you trust that can help you? Family or friends?
  • Have you gone to a Support Group? As always, I highly recommend a support group. Not only will you find good friends there, but all the help and resources you may need.

If you’re a female, there is help if you use the resources given to you in these past articles.  Remember, you are not alone. Seek help. Ask and you shall receive. (A very popular phase).

I believe, it depends on how bad you desire to get out of your situation. Yes, it hard. You have a choice. Especially if you have children. They believe in you to keep them safe. After all, you are their protector.  They will love you, no matter what, but we will pay for it after they become adults themselves.

If you yourself do not feel safe, how do you expect your little ones to feel, they can read you like a book. If they see or feel how you are feeling, you are not fooling them. I thought I was when I was trying to protect my children from the trauma of seeing their mother been abused.

My middle child remembers me laughing when my flesh was been ripped off me by my now ex- husbands’ teeth. She remembers me laughing trying not to have my children be traumatized by seeing their mother all bloody. I did not realize; she saw more than I thought. They can not always be fooled. My daughter is now in her thirties, and she remembered that.

According to the CDC, 44% percent of lesbian, 61% of bisexual women, and 35% of heterosexual women have experienced rape or physical violence from a partner. 26% percent of gay men, 37% of bisexual men, and 29% of heterosexual men have experienced the same. These are alarmingly high rates of victimization that have a particularly negative effect, especially on women and children.

Some men have the same particular abuse from women. I have a brother who came home from work that evening and everything from his house was taken. At first, he thought they had been robbed. But there was a note from his girlfriend that she had left him and not to come looking for her. She stated that her son had just been released from prison and she wanted to live with her son. She claimed he needed her more than my brother needed her.

It took my brother a long time to get over the whole situation. My brothers too suffered an abusive childhood as well. It surprises me, that, they are not alcoholics like their father.  Involved in drugs or women beaters. Of course, my mother had a lot to with that.

My mom made my brothers promise her not to beat women, because, she said: “you hit a woman, you will be hitting me.” They may shake the shit out of one, but they will not hit one.” I know they would want to, but as far as I know, they haven’t. I am sure I would of find out. I used to have 6 brothers now I have 5 left.

Now when you feel stronger, and your vision becomes clearer, remember the law of attraction. Your power, as a person with a focus, you will feel more empowered and at this point, you will less likely to accept bad behaviors from others as well as yourself.

Remember, you have that power, to maintain control over your life and your journeys and adventures. Practice good safety measures for yourself, as well as you would your children.

You can manage to stay focused on positive thoughts. Turn this into a habit, and try, if not try again and again as long as it takes. Try to focus on the positives of each day.

Many blessings to you.

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Am I Depressed?

Do you sometimes just wake up and you’re feeling sad?  Do you feel like crying for no reason? We all wake up one day feeling like this, and if it goes away during the day. It was gone. If not let’s look more into “the Why” of it.

Depression comes in many forms, if we seem to be afflicted more often, or it just does not go away, then we have to become like investigators and find out why. Unresolved trauma?

  • It could be the medication we are taking for high blood pressure or high blood sugar or other medication you are a bit aware of having side effects.
  • A problem with your significant other.
  • On-the-job deadlines or need to find employment.
  • If you still getting monthly menstruations, sometimes the hormonal changes could onset depression.
  • Speaking of hormonal change, did you just pave a baby. This is called postpartum depression. It could turn into a serious illness.
  • Having financial difficulties. This is a big one.
  • A loved one died.
  • For thyroid problems, you’d have to see a doctor.
  • You need surgery, but no medical insurance.
  • Sleeping problems, cannot get plenty, and a healthy dose of sleep.

There are many more reasons you could be depressed. But if it continues, that it’s best to see a doctor. You will not know until you see one.   If your depression keeps you in bed all day, or you just want to sleep and not get up for your daily routines, and you feel you are unable to dysfunctional and you cannot get up to do your daily chores, like cook, shower, get up to take care of yourself than this depression has turned into something more serious.

Some of us can see signs of psychotic episodes, changes in our moods, are more irritable than usual, mania, anger, not wanting to see friends. Another condition that could cause depression is bipolar disorder.

Some days you’re happy for a short and the next moment you not. Your mood changes frequently.  For some, depression may be a lifelong challenge that may require treatment. Talk to your doctor if you are suffering from depression or a major depressive disorder. Anyone, in any life situation, can have depression.

  • It can be genetic, as an inherited by DNA and /or family. Check family history.
  • Seasonal, this is something that affects most populations, Due to the seasonal change. Daylight hours get shorter. It gets darker sooner some times you could feel tired or could lose interest in activities because it’s too dark outside for outside activities.
  • You must have triggered a recollection of a bad event.
  • Poor performance at work or at school or other activities that you are responsible for and people depend on you to do your part.
  • Due to that your trauma event, you are having trouble focusing and concentrating.
  • Trouble making good decisions or thinking clearly.

Once you have experienced depression and feeling wonderful the next day, you will know the difference between the two feelings and will want to get help. Because once you have experienced those feelings of depression, you will know the difference and will want to get rid of the depressed feeling.

I will never claim to be an expert, I do know the symptoms of depression. Like any disease, it is not easy to get help unless you know the feeling of wellness and living without depression or overwhelming sadness.

Absolute, wellness and the feeling of balanced or healed means you will have more energy.

  • you will feel free.
  • You will feel more empowered.
  • More in control of your destiny, your life
  • You will be able to solve problems or be able to have resources to receive and solve them.
  • You will feel love for others and please, love yourself. Take care of yourself. Number one (you).
  • You will love others like your friends, those who care and love you.
  • Most of all have a purpose. Get a reason to live. Find someone to help.
  • Others need you.

Everyone heals from trauma in different ways, what worked for me, might not work for you so as always, I highly recommend a “support group”. Find your way to healing, and your purpose right here on this planet. Aren’t you sick and tired of being sick? Know that you are not alone. Please get help.

Many blessings to you and your angels.

 

 

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Why do people traumatize themselves?

Sometimes, a trauma event makes us feel emotionally numb or physically numb, our cells in our body and brain are changed and we at that time do not understand why. We do not associate the reason why the traumatic response was evidenced. Why do people traumatize themselves? This happens when we are not seeking help seeing a therapist or receiving some physiological help. Sometimes, we can not tie the strings together to realize why.

“I have been feeling like this since the trauma happened” we do not always put two and two together. Many of us don’t ask why, we ask “what does this have to do with that?” Unless we look it up on the internet or read about trauma’s affections, how will we know?

As you now know trauma affects almost every moment of our lives.  Its effects are in use 24/7 and it sneaks into our daily lives and in decisions we make as well. While trying to heal, our survival skills kick in and we realize something is wrong.

Especially if we are emotionally numb. We now understand why we go numb. By numb, I believe, we do not feel sadness any worse, when someone we love dies, or our significant other leaves us.  An old lifetime friend needs an apology and “we don’t care.” Our friends start dropping out of our life, one by one.

You start feeling lonely, depressed, angry, irritability. Please ask yourself why? How well do you know yourself? Is this really you? You might be down to your last friend.  So you are still saying,  “So, go, I don’t care!” You are still feeling numb.

When people hurt/harm or cut on themselves, there’s a sort of a feeling of relief. “I am alive, I felt that pain.”  I had a client who cut herself on the forehead with a razor blade, right in front of her boss, because he fired her. She stated she wanted to scream and yell, but needed to really feel the emotion to scream and yell.  This client took her razor blade out from her purse and cut herself.  Remember I worked with the mentally ill.

What can I do to survive harming myself?

  • Get yourself some help.
  • Accept that you are not you. “I am normally not like this person.”
  • Talk to a professional and be honest about your feelings.
  • Try to go back to your normal routine, going to bed, getting up to shower, going to work.
  • Take your time to get back to your normal life.
  • Do not use alcohol or drugs, they only make life more complicated.
  • Do not buy a house, a new car, or make any major decisions until you feel better.
  • Try meditations, praying, yoga, or other relaxing exercises, to relax you.
  • Makeup with your friends and family, by telling them what you need. Ask for help.

Sometimes, it is hard to ask for help. I have always recommended support groups. People there know what you are going through.  They will not judge you and you will be making new friends. They will be there for you. They will know how you are feeling and get you help. You will learn that you are not alone.

Many Blessings to you and those who are involved with healing.

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Cut the Strings

There was this story one of my smartest friends told me at one time and it made sense to me. There was this farmer who was working outside his barn, when all of a sudden, a big round one-ton roll of hay fell on him, pinning him face down. This farmer was there for a long time.

He couldn’t yell out loud enough because his face was almost covered with dirt under the hay. But he tried anyway hoping someone could hear him. After many hours someone did come by looking for him and heard him under the hay. He tried to push the hay off but it was too heavy just by himself.

The farmer tried to tell him to cut the strings holding the hay together, but the helping friend could not understand what the farmer was trying to say. The friend decided to get help and brought back several friends and they all pushed the hay off and got the farmer out. Afterward, the farmer said he was trying to tell people was to CUT THE STRINGS! The hay would have fallen around him and set him free.

Sometimes, the solutions to some of our problems are really hard to get, but they are not always the mountain we make them out to be. After we calm down, we can see it.

Unfortunately, it has happened to me, many times. All I had to do is see the problem from another angle or see it through other people’s eyes, or opinions.  I don’t always listen.

It’s hard sometimes to listen to others when you are upset, or “I want to do it my way”. Sometimes you just have to get yourself out of the way.

What we do to get our communication understood

  • We must be in a listening frame of mind. We appreciate everyone’s help, but maybe you want to be left alone and calm down.
  • Communication isn’t all about you, it is a two-way street, we must remember that the other person’s thoughts and feelings are just as important as our own,
  • Communication is a two-way street of giving and taking
  • We should be honest on both sides.
  • Plus, be opened minded, and ask questions if not too clear.
  • Having an understanding of what is been said and watch the tone of voice.
  • Do you want me to just listen, or do want me to listen and then help solve problems?
  • Are you OK with this?

Let’s try doing something else when there is a pressing problem and it affects our mood. Breathe, breathe, it might be hard, but let’s try. Sometimes we might not be able to communicate but just cut the strings.  Sometimes just stepping back and relaxing by taking your mind off of things, the answers could come.

There are specialist mental health and spiritual processes that help to cut the strings of any given circumstance. By reaching out to a professional therapist, counselor, coach, or spiritual healer, you could be guided through the process of cutting the emotional cords which may be keeping you from living the life you desire.