Month: January 2021

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Children Trauma and Nightmares

I hated to see children suffer from nightmares. I, too, had nightmares when I was little, some nightmares, I don’t remember some of them, but one does stand out to me, I remember being sick on top of it all. I actually played with my neighbor. In my nightmare, he was 5 inches tall and hopping all over me wanting to play.

I could not move my body. I was having trouble trying to scream. He would jump on me and vomit on me, and would not stop. I was trying to get him off of me but he appeared to be stronger and I could not get him off.

I would scream for help, but no one would come. I would tell my older siblings about what seemed so real to me. They would just laugh. These nightmares continued almost every night. I did not want to go to sleep.  I finally, was strong enough to tell this to my mom. My mom swept me with an egg and it went away. My mom was a curandera healer. She practiced magic.

I have a grandson who I felt was psychic. He was only 4 years old and would tell me things. One morning, He did not want me to leave him. I thought he was having one of those anxiety withdrawal symptoms. He tried to tell me not to get in my car. “Take mommy’s car!” and he’d cry when I would start to leave. I tried to explain to him “I have to go to work” and it was an hour and 15-minute drive.

I got in my car and 10 minutes into my drive I lost control of my car and wrecked. Was this what my grandson was trying to tell me? My car blew a tire and swerved into another lane and over a ditch and into a bank. I was not hurt and my car did not get a big dent, but I could not drive it. So, I called my daughter for a ride. A policeman stopped to help and called a tow truck to assist me.

My grandson would have nightmares as well. I just happened to be visiting. My daughter had confessed that he had been having trouble for weeks and did not want to go to bed by himself. She had taken him to the doctor. The doctor said to make him sleep gently but authoritatively, to make him go to sleep by himself. “He will grow out of these nightmares.” Yeah, and meanwhile he will get traumatized. Which can affect his health as an adult?

My grandson fought her “tooth and nail”. I laid down with him and he fell asleep so quickly, feeling safe. The poor little guy was exhausted.  After falling asleep, he woke up screaming and crying said something was scaring him. It was a giant blue dog. I saged his room and told him the smoke in the sage would make him disappear. My grandson was satisfied with that and fell asleep. My daughter saged regularly. Doing something about nightmares, like the sage ritual, is better than doing nothing at all, plus it worked!

I am not saying, “not to go to a doctor,” there could be some other medical factors involved. Medication could be the cause or the answer. They really don’t know what causes nightmares. If there has not been any trauma, like

  • Parents divorcing.
  • Parents fighting.
  • Bulling in school.
  • Is someone torturing him/her somehow? Like at school.
  • Someone is molesting him/her sexually.
  • Ask your child what is heshe afraid of?
  • What is making him/her so afraid?
  • Assure him/she is safe.
  • Hug him/her and cuddle. Let him/her know he/she is very loved.

But, if the doctor is just going to give the child sleeping pills, and says, “they will outgrow the nightmares,” it will be harder to get him out of the nightmare, due to the medication. Try a ritual of sage, wave feathers around him, and pray. Do something…  Poor Kid.

Definitely get a doctor involved when;

  • Your child’s nightmares start interfering with his daytime activities.
  • Feels too ill to go to school and play with his/her friends.
  • Your child’s nightmares have gotten overly and severely psychological.
  • Unexplained illnesses, or self-inflicted wounds.
  • A child hits his/herself.
  • Some bad trauma is happening if the child is wetting the bed.

Yes, my grandson’s nightmares stopped. He does not remember “the big blue dog” running after him down the hallway.

Here’s what you can do that your little one and they will love it. Make little messages or phrases that will make your child happy. Get on the internet and download “positive messages for kids” and you will get a list of little phrases to say to your child/children. It will be appreciated; you can also use them for your older kids and grandchildren as well.

Many blessings my friends. God bless.

 

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Bed Wetting Could Cause Trauma for Children

I was babysitting. I knew that bedwetting was an issue with one of the children. During dinner, one of the children said, “Michael is not supposed to have anything to drink during dinner.” I of course asked, “Why?” I wished I had not asked, it embarrassed Michael. “I was going to tell you when we would be by ourselves.

I don’t know why, but I wet the bed sometimes, at night. I am such a heavy sleeper. My mom believes my body can’t help it. I pee in my sleep.” The other kids laughed. Bed Wetting Could Cause Trauma for Children. Especially when been teased by others

I said, Stop! This is not a laughing matter. It could happen to anyone. I have that problem, too.”

“what do you do about it?” One of the children asked.

“I wear a diaper,” I responded. “So does Michael,” they laughed, again. I laughed too. I could see on Michael’s face; he was relieved and felt better about his situation.

I still believe that kids who wet the bed are because something traumatic was going on in their life at that time. I base this belief on my experience with children and my clients.  Maybe something emotional.  Some of my siblings used to wet the bed, as well. But now that I think about it, I felt it was because my father was abusive to them.

I also had a client whose father was sexually abusive to her and her other 3 sisters. My client remembers peeing the bed. Her other sisters did the same thing. I am stating some facts here. There could always be other medical reasons.

I am just saying a parent doesn’t have to be too terrible. But the father of the children, I was babysitting, used to tease his kids or bully them sometimes.

I later found out this was an issue with their mom. After I mentioned it to her, she was more concerned and talked to dad about it. He stopped teasing them and bullying them. He stated his dad use to do the same thing. He did not think about how he felt, of course, he did not like it when his dad did the same thing to him. He stopped doing that to his children.

Please do not shame or embarrass your child about bedwetting. Of course, you will get frustrated every time you have to change and wash the bedding, but, find out why. You could go to the doctor, find out if it is just that his bladder could be too small for his body. Maybe, your child is just a heavy sleeper and can’t wake himself up to go to the bathroom.

  • Ask your child if there is a feeling of urgency to urinate, during the day.
  • Ask Doctor questions about what’s the reason children wet the bed?
  • How much water should a child drink a day?
  • Will bedwetting be something my child outgrows?
  • There could be some medication or vitamins, that could be causing the bedwetting?
  • Ask Child if there have been any major stresses at school or home, or is somebody bulling him/or her, or threatening him/or her? Assure your child it’s ok to say who, they will not get in trouble.
  • Careful of how you respond to your child’s bedwetting.

The doctor could suggest some medication, for example, desmopressin, or oxybutynin, these medications suppress the urination, but the side effects are too severe. Read the side effects of all medications you give your child/children.

Children are so precious to us all. And their wellbeing should always be first on our list. Please, let’s listen to our children’s stories, sometimes, there could be a message in there for us.

May God bless our children and keep them safe.

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Child Trauma and Obesity

I had a client who has gained so much weight during his young life. Here, why? He was abandoned by his mom when he was 4 months old. His dad became mentally ill after his mother left. Leaving the baby to be raised by someone who was too ill to really take care of the baby. He was left with a babysitter who would place him in a dark closet when he was bad. Dad came to pick him up one day, a little early, and she brought him out of the closet. Dad never took him back there.

Dad did try the best that he could, but it was too hard for dad, who had to work to support himself and pay for babysitting the baby.

When the baby was 4 years old, dad could not afford to have a babysitter, and he worked the graveyard shift. He left my client at home by himself. He taught my client to dial 911 or his dad’s sister who lives a two-hour drive from their house, just in case my client, needed to talk to someone.

My client said he did call a time or two, when he got scared at night, thinking someone was outside his window. His auntie did make him feel better and he fell asleep with her on the line. He’d wake up and she was still there. Knowing that he felt safe.

My client said he felt hungry all the time. Now that he’s alone, he answered his own question of, “why?” He needed to fill his emptiness and depression. He filled it with food, playing games on the computer, and watching movies. This was his way out, to feed the loneliness. He stated he was not physically active. He knew this was one of the other reasons he would gain even more weight. He knew he had habits to change.

This is what we came up with.

  • As a child, he was abandoned by his mom. He needed and desired motherly love, which he noticed at school when moms would stay for a program, he wished he too could be held, hugged, and showed love by a mom. He never had that but desired it.
  • His father finally got better and was more affectionate to him. But dad, later met a lady, who had a nephew, who later, forcefully, sexually molested him.
  • My client felt that he was just eating his life away. He felt very happy when he could eat a large meal, he just ate whatever he wanted. Mainly, hamburgers and fries, after school meals. He could drink a liter of pop in one sitting.
  • My client suffered from bullying in school he stated kids made fun of his weight.
  • My client filled much of his emotional needs with food. He had already developed, type two diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and he was well on his way to developing cardiovascular disease.

Now, understanding his childhood trauma, he has lost 67 lbs. to this date but says he has to remember at times, not always, why he feels so hungry. He is finally feeling better about himself. He has more friends and better self-esteem.

His next goal is to find a girlfriend, get married, and start a family.

Many Blessing to my client and all those who have a problem with weight and that they heal from the emotional reasons why.

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Could Bedwetting Be a Problem?

I was babysitting. I knew that bedwetting was an issue with one of the children. During dinner one of the children said, “Michel is not supposed to have anything to drink during dinner.” I of course asked, “why?” I wished I had not asked, it embarrassed Michel. “I was going to tell you when we would be by ourselves.” “I don’t know why, but I wet the bed sometimes, at night. I am such a heavy sleeper, my mom believes, my body can’t help it, I pee in my sleep.” The other kids laughed.

I said,” Stop!” “This is not a laughing matter.”  “It could happen to anyone.  I have that problem too.” “what do you do about it.” One of the children asked. “I wear a diaper,” I responded. “So does Miquel,” they laughed, again, I laughed too. I could see on Miquel’s face; he was relieved and felt better about his situation.

I still believe that kids who wet the bedding is because of something traumatic was going on in their life at that time. I base this belief on my experience with children and my clients.  Maybe something emotional.  Some of my siblings use to wet the bed, as well. But now that I think about it, I felt it was because my father was abusive to them.

I also had a client whose father was sexually abusive to her and her other 3 sisters. My client remembers peeing the bed. Her other sisters did the same thing. I am stating some facts here. There could always be other medical reasons.

I am just saying a parent doesn’t have to be too terrible. But the father of the children, I was babysitting, used to tease his kids or bully them sometimes.

I later found out this was an issue with their mom, after I mentioned it to her, she was more concerned and talked to dad about it. He stopped teasing them and bullying them. He stated his dad use to do the same thing; he did not think about how he felt, of course, he did not like it, when his dad did the same- thing to him. He stopped doing that to his children.

Please do not shame or embarrass your child about bedwetting, of course, you will get frustrated every time you have to change and wash the bedding, but, find out why? You could go to the doctor, find out if its just that his bladder could be too small for his body. Maybe, your child is just a heavy sleeper and can’t wake himself up to go to the bathroom. The medical name for bedwetting is called Nocturnal Enuresis your doctor can better explain this.

  • Ask your child if there is a feeling of urgency to urinate, during the day.
  • Ask Doctor questions about what’s the reason children wet the bed?
  • How much water should a child drink a day?
  • Will bedwetting be something my child outgrows?
  • There could be some medication or vitamins, that could be causing the bedwetting?
  • Ask Child if there have been any major stresses at school or home, or is somebody bulling him/or her, or threatening him/or her? Assure your child it’s ok to say who, they will not get in trouble.
  • Careful of how you respond to your child’s bedwetting.

The doctor could suggest some medication, for example, desmopressin, or oxybutynin, these medications suppress the urination, but the side effects are too severe. Read the side effects of all medications you give your child/ children.

Children are so precious to us all. And their well being should always be first on our list. Please, Let’s listen to our children’s stories, sometimes, there could be a message for us.

May God bless our children and keep them safe.

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Child Trauma and Lying

An example of child trauma and lying.  It was the holidays and I was having dinner with my relatives. Everyone was invited and it was going to be a potluck dinner. People were arriving and as the door opened my son who was 6 years old, ran up to one of my relatives and said: “My mommy doesn’t like your food, it’s always bad.” I barked at him, “Mijo, that not true!” An example of child trauma and lying.

Have you ever had a child say something you wished he had not said? Or see something they should not have seen?  I wanted the ground to swallow me up at that moment.

Children often get in trouble for saying something they shouldn’t at the wrong time. Children are so innocent; they have not been destroyed by the social hypocrisy of life yet. So, their social, emotional, and thought reactions are still innocent and they are unashamedly very honest.

When playing, they giggle and laugh with joy, you can see their innocence in their playtime. They are happy, and if you hurt their feelings, they cry like you ripped their hearts out of their chest, which could make you cry, too.

When they cry, they come to you for comfort, love, and protection. They just want you to hold them, hug and “kiss their pain away.” And magically, they go off and play with a big smile. Sometimes, adults see this as annoying. It makes an adult feel like it is okay to lie to children, As children turn into adults, they too, start the cycle of lying. This is learned behavior because that was the example that was well taught and well learned.

Sometimes, as adults, we justify, and lying is sometimes, the easier strategy when you’re in a working environment. For example, you needed a report from work and the boss wanted to know if you were done with it? You tell him “yes,” but you will have to do more work on it to get it as he wants it. You were not truthful about the report.

Another, very popular one is the “do I look fat in this dress?” routine. Another reason is to save someone from hurting their feelings. What I am trying to say is, sometimes we do say a “little white lie”. But a lie is a “lie.” We may tell our kids to “Tell us the truth, don’t lie to me.”

But we are such hypocrites to survive in our lives. In this society and our environment and situational life sometimes we do what we feel like we have to do to live according to our living situation.

Sometimes lying is a better strategy as said earlier. In our society, as we grow up, we lie. We are dishonest with the IRS, and sadly, to some, it is the way of life. Lying is a survival skill.

Well, of course, our children grow up very confused, “but mom and dad, you lied too.”

Here’s another example, your child has been abused by a relative. The child is trying to tell you or an adult in his/her life. Will the adult take the child seriously? We don’t always think about it really, we are too busy with life.

If we do not listen, this could do some very bad damage and cause traumatic wounds leading to illness or diseases later in this child’s life as an adult. They could become addicted to alcohol and drugs due to the painful experiences and memories, that occurred during childhood.

Children learn from their parent’s behavior. As adults, we don’t have to be afraid, scared, or feel distrust from another person, if we rediscover who we really are.

What kind of human beings do we want to be? Do we want to be trustworthy to others and ourselves? Would we want to be treated with respect? Do you want to be around others, who value themselves as well?

It’s up to the parents to decide what kind of people we want our children to grow up and be.

Many blessings to all who care for their children.

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On Line Dating Could Cause Trauma

With the restrictions on socializing due to the pandemic, it is getting harder to find a good date or partner. Did you spend new Year with someone online? How did that work for you? Well, it was better than nothing.

Other than the pandemic, why is it harder to find a good partner? Are we ready for a relationship? Or are we lonely? There are many questions you could ask yourself.

  • Do I feel lonely?
  • Am I so lonely, am I really ready for a relationship? A relationship takes time away from you.
  • How is your self-esteem rating? This action could hurt your feelings.
  • How much am I willing to give of myself.
  • If you have children, how much of your time and attention are you willing to deprive them? (That’s a tough question.)
  • How good are you feeling about yourself?
  • It is just for having safe sex? Okay? My place or yours?
  • How many people do you know, that met “online dating,” has worked for them? Just two doesn’t count.

First of all, just dating alone, can be scary. Our first date is always uncomfortable. Remember? We are always nervous when we are on a date. We want that person to like us. We went shopping and bought ourselves a new outfit, after looking in our closet and could not find something decent to wear. Got a new hairstyle, shoes to match our outfit, (if you’re a woman) Showered if you’re a man. Got a haircut.

At first, you don’t want to put in too much time on this person. You might not “hit it off”. So, you prepare for this too.  Have a friend ring your phone after, however minutes you two planned for. “Oh, I have to get this,” Excuse me”. You can take it from there.

So, you have been talking online, you both exchanged phone numbers and now you have been talking on the phone, you’re getting to know each other enough to now, you feel you have invested enough time and want to meet somewhere. Where would you meet? With the pandemic?

There’s a good question, you willing to respect the 6 feet distancing, for safety reasons, of course. Wear a mask, how romantic is that. I would like to suggest, if you still obey, those safety rules, go to a “casino”. If there is one close to where you live. Find out in your area, but I understand they are remaining open. Please check it out first on your own.

But when you met, the chemistry was not there. But he was nice. He wanted to take you to his place. He wanted to show you his art, he paints. You agreed. Did you feel coerced, to going to his place?

He is an artist and wants to impress you, by showing you his art. He offers you some wine. It’s appropriate to enjoy some drinks together on a first date.  You two continue to talk, your feeling comfortable.

The problem happens when things get out of hand. There could be an ulterior motive. That person wants to have sex. You are not really ready, but that other person insists. You just got raped.  Now What? Some people may think, that’s Okay, you asked for it. No! it is not okay; Did not consent to sex?

This can be very traumatizing for you. More than 35 percent of victims experienced date rape. It’s important, that you know your drinking limits. I know, it helps sometimes to drink a little to get through that first date nervousness. But it could lead to some post-traumatic stress disorder. (PSTD)

  • Have you started feeling depressed?
  • Have you started feeling frightened about dating again and meeting new people?
  • Has this experience, stopped you from “online dating”?
  • Do you get upset or angry, when you get “hits” one-line dating?
  • How about anxiety, talking about your experience with “online dating”?
  • Shutting down the dating platforms.

If you are not getting better, please, get some help. Talk to someone who understands, get professional help.  Call the following phone number for questions you might have about getting help or want to file charges. National Sexually assault line 1800- 656-4673 open 24/7you want to file charges;

  • Do not shower, go directly to the police, and ask for a rape kit. They will take it from there. Or
  • Go to the hospital. E. R. emergency room, they will take care of you too. Rape kit. They could give you more information and take care of your injuries.
  • Call someone, you trust. A friend, family.
  • Take notes, or write down any details that can help you, if you plan to press charges.
  • Do not be afraid to press charges.
  • Take care of yourself. Take therapy, or join a support group. (this truly helps)

You can do some of these things for yourself, that’s great. If not, your emotional and your mental health deserves to heal and process your experience. Please do not listen to your voice of shame and guilt, get professional help. If you can call the National Sexual assault line 1800-656-4673 that is the first step, there will be someone to walk with you, the rest of the way.

Please be careful, whenever you are meeting people for the first time. Sometimes just meeting online is not enough.  Now more than ever with this pandemic, it may not be as easy to physically meet someone. But let me assure you, there are good and safe people out there, you just have to be careful about it.

Many Blessings to you and your new way of living.

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Devastating Emotions for a Child to Lose a Pet

It hurts to see a child mourn over the loss of a pet. I am so proud of the way some parents deal with their children when one of the pets who has been with them most of their lives departs. It’s okay, to be honest with your children about the death of their pets.

It’s okay to shelter them from the ugliness and hurt and pain of a loss of a pet. It’s up to the parent/parents if you want to shield the children or expose them to the reality and process of life. It is up to you, the parent.

Exposing Children to the Reality of Life

Exposing them could prepare them for future losses. If exposed, it makes life easier to understand the process of life. It is up to you, as a parent, how you handle the positive or negative effects on your child’s personal development.

My grandchildren have had many animals, cats, dogs, and even have had a little cousin die of cancer in their lives. My daughter, allowed them to feel the loss because it is the cycle of life. It is never an easy thing to go through.

My grandchildren were allowed to see their pets and say “goodbye”. It was a school day and mom let them stay home and even called their teachers, to let her know that they would be going through some “mourning” for the loss of their dear pet.

How wise is that? As we go on with life, we will experience many deaths, other than our pets, but starting with our pet’s departure, is a good way to explain the process of life.

It’s okay to let out your feelings.

It is important to allow feelings of sadness, shock, or feeling lonely because it is a “normal” reaction to the loss of a pet. Sometimes children try to ignore those feelings because it hurts too much.

It is better to face the grieving and express it. My grandchildren, all of a sudden out of nowhere, would start crying. Saying “they are missing their pet.”  It is okay, to feel like you feel. it is okay to cry, or not to cry. It is okay to feel angry, let go when you’re ready to just pour out your feelings. We explained it was okay to feel those feelings.

They lost their little cousin to cancer, and the grieving was not any easier, but understandable. That was hard on all of us. My grandchildren expressed the pain was the same as losing their pet. We were so glad, that they understood the process. It is a part of life.

Consider the following:

  • Let your child see you express your own grief for your pet.
  • Allow the children to express their own sense of loss for their pet.
  • Please do not make them feel guilty or ashamed. “you did not want to take it outside, remember that!”
  • Allow your child the opportunity to create a memorial, a memento, or a shrine, with the pets’ pictures and play toys.
  • Do not rush to the pet store and get a new pet, allow your children to grieve for their last pet.
  • It would be wise for both children and parents to volunteer to work in a veterinarian’s facility or a shelter home for animals, it will brighten your spirits, especially your child’s.

Remember, if you are having trouble doing your daily routines, for example,  staying in bed, crying, not eating, and not showering, please get help. Call your local Mental Health facility, and ask for advice or help.

Many blessings and positive loving and encouraging energy to all of us.

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Death of a Pet is Traumatizing to Anyone

 

We all have had a pet we loved so much. Unfortunately for us, Pets only have a certain amount of lifetime. They say that a cat’s life lasts 13 to 17 years, some have lived up to 20 or 22 years. For us, that is not long enough.

Depending on the breed of the dogs, they can live up to 10 to 18 years, and as I understand, smaller dogs live longer than larger dogs.

In many families, our pets are like part of the family. We love them so much. So, if we lose one it can be very devastating. Why? Because we love them just as much as a loved one in our family. Especially if that pet has been in our lives for a long time.

They have loved us back, they have been our comfort companions in times of loneliness, the only ones that we felt understood by. Our pet was like our therapist, our only one true friend, who missed us if we were gone too long, even if they only needed to be fed at that moment or just needed to really be taken outside to go relieve themselves, they would get excited just to see us.

Cats, however, were nice to us, too. I had a friend who had a cat and it would get pretty upset when my friend would not get home in time from work or vacation. Even though, my friend would have someone check in on her. My friends’ cat would pee on her shoes, tear up her curtains. Cats are different but very lovable.

I myself, had a dog, a chihuahua. I taught her to dance for me. She would thrill herself around and around, I would give her favorite treat. I made a tutu for her and had her wear it when she danced. I would take her outside to dance and children would stand around and see her dance and give her treats. I loved my dog so much.

We even got pregnant at the time. Wasn’t that weird? After she had her puppies, she had four of them. I gave them to my family, who would one. I was so glad to have given them to a family, because after I lost her. Her babies were still around me.

Next thing you know she was gone. I cried so much for her, some people said, “it’s just a dog”. Crying over a dog it’s just an animal? Some people do not understand your relationship or the role your pet had in your life.

My dog was my family to me. Overcoming her loss was even harder. Now, while experiencing a loss is an inevitable part of owning a pet. It hurt as if I had lost one of my loved siblings, or maybe even a child. I am telling you it hurt so bad, that even today and someone comes to me and says “I lost my pet, today” I start crying because I know how it feels to lose one.

I just cry with them and hold them a moment. Because the grieving process happens slowly. In Reality, there is no normal timetable for crying, or missing your pet. It is a normal reaction to the loss of someone you love.

As I have said, talk about your pet, tell those who would understand, about the cute things your pet would do. Like my little dog would dance for a treat. I would be watching T.V. and she’d start dancing in front of the T.V. because she wanted a treat.

Like everything in life, the pain of missing your pet will ease, but your memory of your pet will never go away.  Your pet will live forever in your heart, even if you decide to get another pet.  Due to the devastating pain, I decided never to get another pet. It hurts way too much to put myself through that pain again knowing they do not live long enough. But that’s just me.

  • Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel.
  • A little ritual can help the healing or maybe a funeral with some friends. Only with those who would understand and know your pet.
  • Find others who understand and you could start a support group for those who have lost their pets, as well.
  • If you have other pets, they too experience loss. They could become stressed by your sorrow.

Think of them too and maintain their everyday routine.

  • Do not argue, with others who do not understand about grieving a pet.
  • Stay connected with friends, neighbors. Do not spend your days alone. YES TRY.

As always seek professional help if you need it. If your grief is persistent and interferes with your abilities to function with your daily routine, like sleeping, eating, and showering or other things like working.  Please seek professional help. Your Doctor, support group, or mental health professional.

Remember, YOU! Can make a difference in others people’s lives, just keep this in mind. We are not here to see through people… We are here to see people through.

Many blessings to you and remember that all the animals that we have loved, will be waiting for us to join them, on the other side. I am looking forward to that experience.

God bless.