Author: Rosa M Luna

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On Line Dating Could Cause Trauma

With the restrictions on socializing due to the pandemic, it is getting harder to find a good date or partner. Did you spend new Year with someone online? How did that work for you? Well, it was better than nothing.

Other than the pandemic, why is it harder to find a good partner? Are we ready for a relationship? Or are we lonely? There are many questions you could ask yourself.

  • Do I feel lonely?
  • Am I so lonely, am I really ready for a relationship? A relationship takes time away from you.
  • How is your self-esteem rating? This action could hurt your feelings.
  • How much am I willing to give of myself.
  • If you have children, how much of your time and attention are you willing to deprive them? (That’s a tough question.)
  • How good are you feeling about yourself?
  • It is just for having safe sex? Okay? My place or yours?
  • How many people do you know, that met “online dating,” has worked for them? Just two doesn’t count.

First of all, just dating alone, can be scary. Our first date is always uncomfortable. Remember? We are always nervous when we are on a date. We want that person to like us. We went shopping and bought ourselves a new outfit, after looking in our closet and could not find something decent to wear. Got a new hairstyle, shoes to match our outfit, (if you’re a woman) Showered if you’re a man. Got a haircut.

At first, you don’t want to put in too much time on this person. You might not “hit it off”. So, you prepare for this too.  Have a friend ring your phone after, however minutes you two planned for. “Oh, I have to get this,” Excuse me”. You can take it from there.

So, you have been talking online, you both exchanged phone numbers and now you have been talking on the phone, you’re getting to know each other enough to now, you feel you have invested enough time and want to meet somewhere. Where would you meet? With the pandemic?

There’s a good question, you willing to respect the 6 feet distancing, for safety reasons, of course. Wear a mask, how romantic is that. I would like to suggest, if you still obey, those safety rules, go to a “casino”. If there is one close to where you live. Find out in your area, but I understand they are remaining open. Please check it out first on your own.

But when you met, the chemistry was not there. But he was nice. He wanted to take you to his place. He wanted to show you his art, he paints. You agreed. Did you feel coerced, to going to his place?

He is an artist and wants to impress you, by showing you his art. He offers you some wine. It’s appropriate to enjoy some drinks together on a first date.  You two continue to talk, your feeling comfortable.

The problem happens when things get out of hand. There could be an ulterior motive. That person wants to have sex. You are not really ready, but that other person insists. You just got raped.  Now What? Some people may think, that’s Okay, you asked for it. No! it is not okay; Did not consent to sex?

This can be very traumatizing for you. More than 35 percent of victims experienced date rape. It’s important, that you know your drinking limits. I know, it helps sometimes to drink a little to get through that first date nervousness. But it could lead to some post-traumatic stress disorder. (PSTD)

  • Have you started feeling depressed?
  • Have you started feeling frightened about dating again and meeting new people?
  • Has this experience, stopped you from “online dating”?
  • Do you get upset or angry, when you get “hits” one-line dating?
  • How about anxiety, talking about your experience with “online dating”?
  • Shutting down the dating platforms.

If you are not getting better, please, get some help. Talk to someone who understands, get professional help.  Call the following phone number for questions you might have about getting help or want to file charges. National Sexually assault line 1800- 656-4673 open 24/7you want to file charges;

  • Do not shower, go directly to the police, and ask for a rape kit. They will take it from there. Or
  • Go to the hospital. E. R. emergency room, they will take care of you too. Rape kit. They could give you more information and take care of your injuries.
  • Call someone, you trust. A friend, family.
  • Take notes, or write down any details that can help you, if you plan to press charges.
  • Do not be afraid to press charges.
  • Take care of yourself. Take therapy, or join a support group. (this truly helps)

You can do some of these things for yourself, that’s great. If not, your emotional and your mental health deserves to heal and process your experience. Please do not listen to your voice of shame and guilt, get professional help. If you can call the National Sexual assault line 1800-656-4673 that is the first step, there will be someone to walk with you, the rest of the way.

Please be careful, whenever you are meeting people for the first time. Sometimes just meeting online is not enough.  Now more than ever with this pandemic, it may not be as easy to physically meet someone. But let me assure you, there are good and safe people out there, you just have to be careful about it.

Many Blessings to you and your new way of living.

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Devastating Emotions for a Child to Lose a Pet

It hurts to see a child mourn over the loss of a pet. I am so proud of the way some parents deal with their children when one of the pets who has been with them most of their lives departs. It’s okay, to be honest with your children about the death of their pets.

It’s okay to shelter them from the ugliness and hurt and pain of a loss of a pet. It’s up to the parent/parents if you want to shield the children or expose them to the reality and process of life. It is up to you, the parent.

Exposing Children to the Reality of Life

Exposing them could prepare them for future losses. If exposed, it makes life easier to understand the process of life. It is up to you, as a parent, how you handle the positive or negative effects on your child’s personal development.

My grandchildren have had many animals, cats, dogs, and even have had a little cousin die of cancer in their lives. My daughter, allowed them to feel the loss because it is the cycle of life. It is never an easy thing to go through.

My grandchildren were allowed to see their pets and say “goodbye”. It was a school day and mom let them stay home and even called their teachers, to let her know that they would be going through some “mourning” for the loss of their dear pet.

How wise is that? As we go on with life, we will experience many deaths, other than our pets, but starting with our pet’s departure, is a good way to explain the process of life.

It’s okay to let out your feelings.

It is important to allow feelings of sadness, shock, or feeling lonely because it is a “normal” reaction to the loss of a pet. Sometimes children try to ignore those feelings because it hurts too much.

It is better to face the grieving and express it. My grandchildren, all of a sudden out of nowhere, would start crying. Saying “they are missing their pet.”  It is okay, to feel like you feel. it is okay to cry, or not to cry. It is okay to feel angry, let go when you’re ready to just pour out your feelings. We explained it was okay to feel those feelings.

They lost their little cousin to cancer, and the grieving was not any easier, but understandable. That was hard on all of us. My grandchildren expressed the pain was the same as losing their pet. We were so glad, that they understood the process. It is a part of life.

Consider the following:

  • Let your child see you express your own grief for your pet.
  • Allow the children to express their own sense of loss for their pet.
  • Please do not make them feel guilty or ashamed. “you did not want to take it outside, remember that!”
  • Allow your child the opportunity to create a memorial, a memento, or a shrine, with the pets’ pictures and play toys.
  • Do not rush to the pet store and get a new pet, allow your children to grieve for their last pet.
  • It would be wise for both children and parents to volunteer to work in a veterinarian’s facility or a shelter home for animals, it will brighten your spirits, especially your child’s.

Remember, if you are having trouble doing your daily routines, for example,  staying in bed, crying, not eating, and not showering, please get help. Call your local Mental Health facility, and ask for advice or help.

Many blessings and positive loving and encouraging energy to all of us.

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Death of a Pet is Traumatizing to Anyone

 

We all have had a pet we loved so much. Unfortunately for us, Pets only have a certain amount of lifetime. They say that a cat’s life lasts 13 to 17 years, some have lived up to 20 or 22 years. For us, that is not long enough.

Depending on the breed of the dogs, they can live up to 10 to 18 years, and as I understand, smaller dogs live longer than larger dogs.

In many families, our pets are like part of the family. We love them so much. So, if we lose one it can be very devastating. Why? Because we love them just as much as a loved one in our family. Especially if that pet has been in our lives for a long time.

They have loved us back, they have been our comfort companions in times of loneliness, the only ones that we felt understood by. Our pet was like our therapist, our only one true friend, who missed us if we were gone too long, even if they only needed to be fed at that moment or just needed to really be taken outside to go relieve themselves, they would get excited just to see us.

Cats, however, were nice to us, too. I had a friend who had a cat and it would get pretty upset when my friend would not get home in time from work or vacation. Even though, my friend would have someone check in on her. My friends’ cat would pee on her shoes, tear up her curtains. Cats are different but very lovable.

I myself, had a dog, a chihuahua. I taught her to dance for me. She would thrill herself around and around, I would give her favorite treat. I made a tutu for her and had her wear it when she danced. I would take her outside to dance and children would stand around and see her dance and give her treats. I loved my dog so much.

We even got pregnant at the time. Wasn’t that weird? After she had her puppies, she had four of them. I gave them to my family, who would one. I was so glad to have given them to a family, because after I lost her. Her babies were still around me.

Next thing you know she was gone. I cried so much for her, some people said, “it’s just a dog”. Crying over a dog it’s just an animal? Some people do not understand your relationship or the role your pet had in your life.

My dog was my family to me. Overcoming her loss was even harder. Now, while experiencing a loss is an inevitable part of owning a pet. It hurt as if I had lost one of my loved siblings, or maybe even a child. I am telling you it hurt so bad, that even today and someone comes to me and says “I lost my pet, today” I start crying because I know how it feels to lose one.

I just cry with them and hold them a moment. Because the grieving process happens slowly. In Reality, there is no normal timetable for crying, or missing your pet. It is a normal reaction to the loss of someone you love.

As I have said, talk about your pet, tell those who would understand, about the cute things your pet would do. Like my little dog would dance for a treat. I would be watching T.V. and she’d start dancing in front of the T.V. because she wanted a treat.

Like everything in life, the pain of missing your pet will ease, but your memory of your pet will never go away.  Your pet will live forever in your heart, even if you decide to get another pet.  Due to the devastating pain, I decided never to get another pet. It hurts way too much to put myself through that pain again knowing they do not live long enough. But that’s just me.

  • Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel.
  • A little ritual can help the healing or maybe a funeral with some friends. Only with those who would understand and know your pet.
  • Find others who understand and you could start a support group for those who have lost their pets, as well.
  • If you have other pets, they too experience loss. They could become stressed by your sorrow.

Think of them too and maintain their everyday routine.

  • Do not argue, with others who do not understand about grieving a pet.
  • Stay connected with friends, neighbors. Do not spend your days alone. YES TRY.

As always seek professional help if you need it. If your grief is persistent and interferes with your abilities to function with your daily routine, like sleeping, eating, and showering or other things like working.  Please seek professional help. Your Doctor, support group, or mental health professional.

Remember, YOU! Can make a difference in others people’s lives, just keep this in mind. We are not here to see through people… We are here to see people through.

Many blessings to you and remember that all the animals that we have loved, will be waiting for us to join them, on the other side. I am looking forward to that experience.

God bless.

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Turning the calendar 2020 page into calendar 2021 page

Happy new year! How do YOU, bring in the new year. Many people in many cultures bring in the new year, by placing a hand-made scarecrow, fill it with unwanted material or letters that you wrote about the troubles of this year 2020 of releasing what you don’t want. Place inside it the scarecrow’s pockets and at midnight, on the strike of 12.00 A.M. lighted up in a safe place. All the family or those who believe in this tradition, stand around and see all their troubles and worries, burn away. All regrets gone.

There is another tradition, where people clean their houses, save the dirty water in a bucket and at midnight throw the water outside. You welcome the new year in a clean house. Representing a clean start for the New Year. I am sure there are many ways, people bring in the new year.

We have had a different year, this year, we saw our share of bad luck, the COVID-19 virus, People lose their jobs, on January 15th people will possibly lose their homes. More homeless out in the streets, unfortunately, Children included. I read on the internet that many popular restaurants are closing. I-hop restaurant, I am going to miss the pancakes. They said it was due to people are now eating healthier.

Applebee’s, taco bell, not all restaurants, but the ones not making much money. There are many many more, some not closing in certain locations like olive gardens, Burger King, the biggest hamburger and fries’ place Red Robbins. They are closing 10 percent of their locations.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! – ITS AS IF, AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT ALL WILL CHANGE, MAGICALLY!

It is as if there is something magical about New Year’s Eve. It is a very powerful symbol that wipes out the bad stuff and brings in new possibilities. A new job. A new relationship. Better financial opportunities.  On and on.

I wish we could take the disappointments, our fears, the unwelcomed health problems we now face with the virus, many other uncertainties that could come our way.  I pray all these restrictions disappear and all of us who own a little business, survive for another round. Everyone is trying to do their best. Even trying to be positive.  Let me tell you, it’s starting to be a little wary and it is taking a toll on all of us.

I sprinkle the world with positive energy, the white light of the holy spirit. I add the surviving with the divine energy and pray for everyone’s courage and strength to be filled with what people need to survive this pandemic. Our people are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

We must do what we must to survive.  Make room for the new open yourself to the potential of receiving. I bless my daily basic what comes with every day.  Like this Christmas, I received cards with loving messages from friends that I had not heard of in a long time. It’s a blessing.

I bless many things you might think is weird. Like my bills for coming in and my money for been here for me to pay them. Manny things you receive are blessings. If you think of them in a positive way and sincerely throughout the feeling and strong emotions, a blessing will come your way. Just pay attention. to the little blessings. People saying “hello” which means I love you as a person. People who do not know you will come up and say good morning.

Open your arms to the beautiful sky and the sunshine, when you see the sun thank it for coming your way to shine on you. We have an ocean of abundance. If we put out positive energy and thoughts, we will receive positive blessings.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE AND MANY BEAUTIFUL BLESSINGS FOR 2021.

 

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Listening to Your Children as Adults

I have heard many stories of parents talking to their kids as adults and finally, our children healing from all the hurt, and pain.  It is the most difficult thing a parent can do. Mainly because it is hard to hear what a bad parent you were as your children were growing up. How they did not have a say on who would be permitted to live with us like a bad boyfriend. Who your mom would marry and introduce them to your new husband and the kids had no say in it.“Another marriage”

I would tell the kids we’d have more income and do more or have more, but like one of my kids would now tell me “mom we had more when we were by ourselves. We were happier too. Another thing my child, now as an adult. “The houses we stay in were dumps when you would get into another marriage.” I back then, did not see that. But now that the kids brought that up, it was true.

Is it hard to hear all this? Yes, but as one parent stated. It’s something, that needs to be done if you love your kids and you want them to heal from all the drama. Talk to one kid at a time.; You don’t want to feel like you are been “held prisoner or everyone is against you.” You just might not feel so regretful. That will be a bad experience as a parent and you will feel like you have to defend yourself.

Now they are adults, they have children too. I ask do they understand more? No. “mom, how could you have spanked us as you did?”  It hurts me when I have to discipline my kids.” Do you remember me saying “it’s going to hurt me more than you?” That’s what I meant”.

“Forgive yourself”

Now, that I know better, about how trauma causing diseases and unexpected illnesses, can come about if trauma continues to be unresolved. I feel it is a must for all of us to heal. Including the parent. You will feel better because your child has healed from the past trauma, you feel you have caused them. First of all, “forgive yourself too.” Because your adult kids will heal from this and be better parents themselves.

Here are some followings tips:

  • Maintain eye contact.
  • Don’t interrupt.
  • If allowed, ask questions.
  • Listen for the total meaning of what they are trying to explain.
  • Avoid counterattacks.
  • Try not to justify, their hurt or pain.
  • Ask if you can respond. If not, say “OK, I am here to listen.”
  • Be respectful.
  • Apologize for their hurt.

Apologize for their hurt, even if it was not your fault. Sometimes, if you talk to them in a soft tone, they will respond softly as well. Depending on your response, they could go off on you and if they are not

“If I could go back and change things, I would”.

 

calming down. Then you, lovingly. say “we can continue on another day, after you have calmed down, I will be here for you.”

You are the one who inflicted the pain, then say “I am sorry for hurting you, I never wanted to inflict pain on you and if I could go back and change things, you know I would.”

Your time and attention to our adult children are valuable to them and for us. in this way our kids will feel valued, and appreciated. Having this heavy talk will be good for their healing of the trauma we bestowed on them.

Did we do this on purpose? No. of course not, we love them. I pray that is all that they needed to spill out of their system. Is done, I wanted healing, peace, and love most of all for each of my children. Now that they are adults. I really want them to be healthy as well. Unresolved trauma kills.

There is so much to be grateful for our children and grandchildren are a big part of the mind. I thank everyone who healed them and are keep company with them as well, as their spouses. All my children are married. I pray they are happy.

Manny blessing and happiness to all.

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Issues Faced by Male Survivors

Most of us do not always hear about the topic of male sexual abuse. Why? Most men do not want to talk about it. Do they go to a therapist to talk to them about it? Not always. There is a general need to deny the existence of male sexual assault. It is rooted in the belief that men are immune to being victimized.

There is a belief that men can’t be forced into sex, either they want it or they don’t. Such stupid beliefs leave the man feeling isolated, ashamed, and “less of a man.” Even self-blame, leaves men suffering in silence after being sexually assaulted.

5 to 20 percent of all victims of sexual assaults are actually reported.  This is another sad fact, why we don’t hear of these sadistic acts. For most men, the idea of being a victim is hard to handle. These beliefs about manliness and masculinity are deeply pressed into our brothers as men. Some male survivors even question themselves, because in their minds they failed to defend themselves.

Male survivors see their assault as a loss of manhood and get disgusted with themselves because in their minds they did not fight hard enough. Their feelings are a normal reaction, but their thoughts are not valid. As a result of that, they feel shame and become very angry, so much so that some get into self-destructive behavior, like alcohol or drug abuse. Increased aggressiveness, like arguing with coworkers and others resort to picking fights.

This type of assault could affect and develop increased sexual difficulties. It may be difficult to resume sexual relationships, because it may trigger flashbacks, memories of the attack, or just bad feelings. Do not pressure yourself to be sexual before you are ready. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with sexual orientation. People do not become gay as a result of being sexually assaulted.

Gay men, however, already suffer from internal conflicts about their sexuality. Being sexually assaulted may lead a gay man to believe he deserved it. That it was the paying price for his sexual orientation. This self-blame, which, unfortunately, can be reinforced by the ignorance or intolerance of others who blame the victim by suggesting that a gay victim somehow provoked the assault or was less harmed by it because he was gay.

Gay men may also hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel. Because of this assault, gay men may be deprived of legal protection and necessary medical attention. Some sexual assaults of men are actually forms of gay-bashing, are at times motivated by fear, bullying, and hatred of homosexuality. Perpetrators may verbally abuse their victims and imply that the victim deserved to be sexually assaulted.

It is important to remember that sexual assault is an act of violence, power, and control that NO ONE DESERVES THAT.

What to do if you have just been sexually assaulted

  • Get to a safe place
  • Call someone who can help you: a friend or the police – 911.
  • Do not shower, drink, eat or change your clothes. These activities can destroy evidence should you decide to press charges.
  • Get medical attention – Hospital staff knows what to do in cases like this. Using a Rape kit.
  • Write everything down that you can remember. this may become helpful in any legal action that you may decide to take.

The trauma of sexual assault involves losing control of your own body and fearing life or death. Whether you are a man or a woman, sexual assault is traumatizing. There are certain ways that we can react to trauma that are the same for men and women. “Rape trauma syndrome” is a term mental health professionals use to describe the common reactions that occur for both men and women after a sexual assault. “Rape trauma syndrome” is not an illness.  It is an abnormal reaction to a traumatic event.

Many blessings to you, may our creator of miracles, protect all of you.

Stay in good health.

 

 

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Are Our Children Suffering in Secret?

How are our kids doing today, late in December 2020? Christmas is over the new year is almost here. What does that mean to our children? Nothing, 2021, to our children is just another day, with an angry parent who still can’t find work. No school for the kids of age to go to school, now, more restrictions about gathering. Still no school for kids. Tensions are up high for the adults.

The children still miss their friends from school. Some are missing their teacher. Are the kids really doing homework/school work on their laptops? Do they have supervision? Is mom helping them?  Some parents are working if they work in a health care career or are front-line workers.

Who is taking care of those children when the parent(s) have to work and/or they are single workers? Some hospitals have daycare services or night shift children care providers. That is good, those children at least get to see other children or other people who care for them.

I was reading a report from Joe Dorman, a former legislator and CEO of the institute for child advocacy. He made a very good point. There is a decrease in the reporting of child abuse, child abuse reportings have been down since February 2020.

Is that a good thing? It just means that because children are not going to school where teachers can see the bruises on these little children or bigger kids too. They are mandatory reporters who care about their classroom kiddos. There go the children’s caretakers, who almost always look for physical and emotional abuse on the children. Too, parents are not working and are staying at home with the children.

Parents are jobless, there is a lot of tension among the adults of the family. They have to get on unemployment claims, and in some states, they have to wait for up to a month due to a shortage of state funding, they need food stamps, and maybe, they require public assistance. That is not easy.

Having to stand in line and look at people you know or you seeing people you know there too, is humiliating and does not feel good to be asking for help. Even if the world as a whole is trying to survive this economy and this pandemic.

Due to the lack of mandatory reporters, there is no one for the children to report to. Who are they going to get help from? They are just children who have NO control over their lives.

There are many trauma-informed schools, where some of the school staff, were trained in identifying children in need of help.  Again, due to the COVID 19, what help are they today, right now. Children are living under adverse conditions. Who is going to check on them?

There is an organization that serves our most vulnerable and low-income population. The Child Abuse Network. They have been concerned as “as shelter-in-place orders were enacted and children at risk, lost a connection to caring adults outside the home, who could report suspected abuse.”

The president and CEO of the Child Abuse Network released a report stating that “instead of being safer at home, helpless children are trapped in an unsafe environment aggravated by the stress and economic instability inflicted by the pandemic. All indicators show the pandemic has led to a child abuse epidemic.”

If you suspect child abuse and neglect or are concern about someone abusing their children. Please have the courage to call the Child Abuse Hot Line – 1 800 522-3511 available 24/7 help. Or 911 can connect you to someone who can help.

I know that there are programs out there, that can help. If you are a friend, relative, or just someone who can help a child and in your heart fear this child or children are being abused. Call for help or advice, is better than not calling at all.

Many Blessings and protection for all of us and our children

 

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Can cheating on your Love cause Trauma

I am sure you have heard or seen others cheat on their husbands or wives Where are they now? Are they still together? If they are it is a miracle. Why? Because, if your love has cheated on you. That relationship will never be the same again. That trust has been broken. The emotional thrust of this relationship has been broken.

Sometimes, couples stay together, I have known only one. The wife of a client of mine had an affair, that lasted for a short time.  After the affair his wife told him, he said she told him because their marriage had become so boring, she needed to find excitement elsewhere. It divested my client. He moved out of his house.  Had to find his way of support because, after all this, he lost his job, I believe it was due to finding out his wife of 29 years, had an affair. They fired him.

My client was not the same again. He later moved back into his house. Things seem to be OK for a while. But things changed when he found out she had met someone else. He looked into an e-mail that had come in on her phone. He stated he did not mean to look, but it grabbed his attention. When her friend sends her a selfie that they had taken of themselves dancing.

They were very upset with each other. His wife tried to blame him again. They fought a lot. But in time, somehow they made up. I was impressed. My client said it took a long time to trust her again, it took a lot of communication. Lots of dating, they spend more time together, going to places alone, just by themselves. Traveled to Hawaii on vacation. I want to believe that their love for each other won in the end.

Another story that did not turn out so well, A client of mine had cancer at a young age, this was due to unresolved trauma. Even though her children were all grown, and she felt good about that. They were all grown and did not depend on her anymore.

she discovered she had breast cancer. At first, she did not want the chemo treatments because of the devastating side effects, she just wanted to die. She came to my office one day and gave me the most beautiful blue set of bowls. She said she had decided to die of cancer instead of living. She had decided to give away her precious things to people she loved or appreciated and I was one of them.

This beautiful lady was later convinced by her children and husband that they loved her very much and wanted her to live, so she started chemotherapy. Sometimes, she would come to my office and cry because her beautiful hair was falling off. We connected the hair connection for chemo ladies and got her a wig that looked a lot like her hair and she was emotionally much better. This trauma was devastating for my client, she cried many times in my office and sometimes in my arms.

Long story short, my client had her good days and her bad days. One day she came in and stated she felt her husband was having an affair with her best friend.  She wanted to hire an investigator, I agreed, thinking, this would ease her tension. So, one day she was here in the office when she got a call from the investigator, he suggests that she should drive to her best friend’s house and call her friend on her cell phone and ask for her husband.

My client did as her investigator suggested. She called her friend and asked for her husband, her friend said he was not there. She then hung up with her and called her husband, he answered and he said he was at a store buying a part for their sink. My client said no, I am outside so and so’s the place, and your pick-up truck is parked in her driveway, why are you both lying to me? 2 weeks later my client was dead. This had hurt my client so much she committed suicide.

This has a very sad ending. In her last meeting with me, she said,” I have no breast, I have no hair, I cannot even make love to my husband, because Dr. says my immune system is so low, my husband could give me another infection.

I am no longer a woman; I do not blame him for finding someone else”. There was no convincing her at that moment. No matter what I said. To have her see how important she was to her children and her grandchildren.

My client stated, “I cannot live without him. I love him so much. I never in my dreams thought he would ever do this to me”. She said “I truly, believed he loved me too.” She sobbed that morning. I let her sleep on my couch for a little while, I did not feel she should be driving at a time like this. I am glad she slept; she must have not been getting a good night’s sleep.

Can someone, cheating on each other cause trauma? Yes, and if you do not resolve your trauma it could cause you to feel many unpleasant emotional feelings, including suicide. Please remember to get help, talk to someone you trust. Think of those who do love you… remember all those who know you and love you very much. What will you do to them? They would have preferred for you to be alive.

Please stay well and may God bless you and give strength and courage to go on.

 

 

 

 

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Is Suicide The Answer

There is so much pain and suffering from trauma, mental and physical pain, and illnesses, like cancer for example. Doctors can give you pain killers, just to get addicted to them soon enough. Many people have survived cancer, more now than ever before. Holistic healing is the major reason. Yes, at one time, chemo-therapy cancer treatment, was thought to be the only way to go.  The cure was worse than the disease.  Chemotherapy cancer treatment, “is a curative intent. It is aimed to prolong life or reduce symptoms (Wikipedia)

Many people have taken their life, because of cancer. I believe it’s the hardest news to get, next to my son or my daughter’s death. As I have seen, it’s a miserable experience getting all the chemotherapy treatments.

There are so many suicides, every day according to the internet, there is an average of 132 suicides per day, or every 12 minutes just right here in this country. It is so sad that these people did not get help. Especially if they left children, spouses, or really anyone who loved them.

They probably felt like they had no choice. This next statement may sound cruel to you, but sometimes that’s a choice that a person has to make. Unfortunately, there is no choice to end this pain and suffering.

It takes a very brave person.

My dearest loving sister had cancer. Maria Elena was her name. To me, she was the bravest person I have ever met.  Maria Elena suffered from cancer for 18 years. I remember seeing her very sick and in a lot of pain when she took Chemo. (under her doctor’s care, of course.)

Unfortunately, my sister did not believe in holistic healing. When she did try to go to a healing institution, it was too expensive and they told her cancer was too far advanced, her insurance would not cover her cost.

My sister was very religious, she felt that God was punishing her for having bad thoughts about her husband. She wanted to leave him at one time. Then, she spoke to the stupidest person in the whole world about it. He said, “there you go that’s why”. Her father.

What we feel at the core of our soul and belief, sometimes does not help. It is as if (and I have heard this before) the universe heard you and It said, “your wish is my command”. What you feel and wish, by putting some strong emotion to back it up, comes to be.

I believe that a suicide mission depends a lot on what the person can bear and if they can let someone know that cares, they can get help. But if that person has no one, feels alone, depressed, and has extreme pain, they will commit suicide. Do we have control over anyone like that and can help? That is the only way to stop the suicidal person.

If they have a detailed plan on how they will kill themselves and start giving away things that were precious to them. They are saying “goodbye”

Some of the following are some signs of suicidal ideations;

  • Drastic changes in mood or other notable behavior.
  • Aggressiveness or irritability.
  • Threaten to kill themselves.
  • A loved one feels hopeless and cannot imagine the future.
  • Drastic mood changes.
  • Giving things away.
  • They feel like life is not worth living.
  • Frequently talking about death.
  • That person is feeling like a burden to their loved ones or others.
  • The negative view of self.
  • Even making funeral arrangements.

If you get the feeling of or know of, someone wanting to take their life. Do something.

If you know of someone and need help to decide if that person needs help. Please call –

1 800-273-8255

or call the “National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, –911.

It is a tragic reaction to a stressful life situation. Please “reach out” to someone, don’t let it go that far.

Is there something special we can say other than “I love you”, “I will miss you”.  I am so sorry, my readers. I don’t know what other encouraging words there are to stop someone from taking their life.  “I will miss you” has worked for me.

I feel love for you, we want you to feel love for your life, love for those who love you and will miss you. But most and first of all, love for yourself.

May God Bless and give you strength.

 

 

 

 

 

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Why do the cycles of trauma continue?

Does that mean that the trauma will never stop? No, that just means that you have not stopped the cycle in your life.  Have you changed your life circumstances? Have you physically stopped the violence in your personal life? How about your friends? Or is it your immediate family? Your kids, How about your parents

 

  • Get help for yourself?
  • Is there someone you trust that can help you? Family or friends?
  • Have you gone to a Support Group? As always, I highly recommend a support group. Not only will you find good friends there, but all the help and resources you may need.

If you’re a female, there is help if you use the resources given to you in these past articles.  Remember, you are not alone. Seek help. Ask and you shall receive. (A very popular phase).

I believe, it depends on how bad you desire to get out of your situation. Yes, it hard. You have a choice. Especially if you have children. They believe in you to keep them safe. After all, you are their protector.  They will love you, no matter what, but we will pay for it after they become adults themselves.

If you yourself do not feel safe, how do you expect your little ones to feel, they can read you like a book. If they see or feel how you are feeling, you are not fooling them. I thought I was when I was trying to protect my children from the trauma of seeing their mother been abused.

My middle child remembers me laughing when my flesh was been ripped off me by my now ex- husbands’ teeth. She remembers me laughing trying not to have my children be traumatized by seeing their mother all bloody. I did not realize; she saw more than I thought. They can not always be fooled. My daughter is now in her thirties, and she remembered that.

According to the CDC, 44% percent of lesbian, 61% of bisexual women, and 35% of heterosexual women have experienced rape or physical violence from a partner. 26% percent of gay men, 37% of bisexual men, and 29% of heterosexual men have experienced the same. These are alarmingly high rates of victimization that have a particularly negative effect, especially on women and children.

Some men have the same particular abuse from women. I have a brother who came home from work that evening and everything from his house was taken. At first, he thought they had been robbed. But there was a note from his girlfriend that she had left him and not to come looking for her. She stated that her son had just been released from prison and she wanted to live with her son. She claimed he needed her more than my brother needed her.

It took my brother a long time to get over the whole situation. My brothers too suffered an abusive childhood as well. It surprises me, that, they are not alcoholics like their father.  Involved in drugs or women beaters. Of course, my mother had a lot to with that.

My mom made my brothers promise her not to beat women, because, she said: “you hit a woman, you will be hitting me.” They may shake the shit out of one, but they will not hit one.” I know they would want to, but as far as I know, they haven’t. I am sure I would of find out. I used to have 6 brothers now I have 5 left.

Now when you feel stronger, and your vision becomes clearer, remember the law of attraction. Your power, as a person with a focus, you will feel more empowered and at this point, you will less likely to accept bad behaviors from others as well as yourself.

Remember, you have that power, to maintain control over your life and your journeys and adventures. Practice good safety measures for yourself, as well as you would your children.

You can manage to stay focused on positive thoughts. Turn this into a habit, and try, if not try again and again as long as it takes. Try to focus on the positives of each day.

Many blessings to you.