Tag: child trauma

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Children Trauma and Nightmares

I hated to see children suffer from nightmares. I, too, had nightmares when I was little, some nightmares, I don’t remember some of them, but one does stand out to me, I remember being sick on top of it all. I actually played with my neighbor. In my nightmare, he was 5 inches tall and hopping all over me wanting to play.

I could not move my body. I was having trouble trying to scream. He would jump on me and vomit on me, and would not stop. I was trying to get him off of me but he appeared to be stronger and I could not get him off.

I would scream for help, but no one would come. I would tell my older siblings about what seemed so real to me. They would just laugh. These nightmares continued almost every night. I did not want to go to sleep.  I finally, was strong enough to tell this to my mom. My mom swept me with an egg and it went away. My mom was a curandera healer. She practiced magic.

I have a grandson who I felt was psychic. He was only 4 years old and would tell me things. One morning, He did not want me to leave him. I thought he was having one of those anxiety withdrawal symptoms. He tried to tell me not to get in my car. “Take mommy’s car!” and he’d cry when I would start to leave. I tried to explain to him “I have to go to work” and it was an hour and 15-minute drive.

I got in my car and 10 minutes into my drive I lost control of my car and wrecked. Was this what my grandson was trying to tell me? My car blew a tire and swerved into another lane and over a ditch and into a bank. I was not hurt and my car did not get a big dent, but I could not drive it. So, I called my daughter for a ride. A policeman stopped to help and called a tow truck to assist me.

My grandson would have nightmares as well. I just happened to be visiting. My daughter had confessed that he had been having trouble for weeks and did not want to go to bed by himself. She had taken him to the doctor. The doctor said to make him sleep gently but authoritatively, to make him go to sleep by himself. “He will grow out of these nightmares.” Yeah, and meanwhile he will get traumatized. Which can affect his health as an adult?

My grandson fought her “tooth and nail”. I laid down with him and he fell asleep so quickly, feeling safe. The poor little guy was exhausted.  After falling asleep, he woke up screaming and crying said something was scaring him. It was a giant blue dog. I saged his room and told him the smoke in the sage would make him disappear. My grandson was satisfied with that and fell asleep. My daughter saged regularly. Doing something about nightmares, like the sage ritual, is better than doing nothing at all, plus it worked!

I am not saying, “not to go to a doctor,” there could be some other medical factors involved. Medication could be the cause or the answer. They really don’t know what causes nightmares. If there has not been any trauma, like

  • Parents divorcing.
  • Parents fighting.
  • Bulling in school.
  • Is someone torturing him/her somehow? Like at school.
  • Someone is molesting him/her sexually.
  • Ask your child what is heshe afraid of?
  • What is making him/her so afraid?
  • Assure him/she is safe.
  • Hug him/her and cuddle. Let him/her know he/she is very loved.

But, if the doctor is just going to give the child sleeping pills, and says, “they will outgrow the nightmares,” it will be harder to get him out of the nightmare, due to the medication. Try a ritual of sage, wave feathers around him, and pray. Do something…  Poor Kid.

Definitely get a doctor involved when;

  • Your child’s nightmares start interfering with his daytime activities.
  • Feels too ill to go to school and play with his/her friends.
  • Your child’s nightmares have gotten overly and severely psychological.
  • Unexplained illnesses, or self-inflicted wounds.
  • A child hits his/herself.
  • Some bad trauma is happening if the child is wetting the bed.

Yes, my grandson’s nightmares stopped. He does not remember “the big blue dog” running after him down the hallway.

Here’s what you can do that your little one and they will love it. Make little messages or phrases that will make your child happy. Get on the internet and download “positive messages for kids” and you will get a list of little phrases to say to your child/children. It will be appreciated; you can also use them for your older kids and grandchildren as well.

Many blessings my friends. God bless.

 

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More Homeless Children This Winter

 

I still have not heard what congress is doing about the no-eviction order. I am very worried about what is going to happen to the children. We know that homeless teens are suffering, resentful of adults, and authorize personnel who actually want to help them and get them off the streets.

Those teens are distrustful. They are children who are suffering and in pain, because of some trauma they are going through or have gone through. There are many resources they can utilize and shelters they can assist with other programs to get help, even if the home is not an option.

 

Can you imagine what a female teenager is going through right now? It’s cold outside, shelters are packed with other homeless. They don’t want to go home to an angry parent /parents, who right now have other mouths to feed.

Moms boyfriend is not a safe person to trust right now.  Sometimes the shelter homes will assist you with a program to help you get off the streets.

Now, the eviction ban program is coming to an end and many Landlords are ready to have people evicted. Because they need to make payments on their property or they too will lose their livelihood support as well.

How about our children, those young ones who don’t have any control over anything?  What a time to lose a home, it winters today, but it has been cold for a long time now, since September and it has gotten colder. Doesn’t it feel like no one cares? Like the Government who started all this “stay indoors control gatherings, wear your Masks.” What is a person to do? Do what they say.

This reminds me of the depression in 1929 and continued until 1933. Others are saying this is how things will be.  The Spanish influenzas started in 1918 and lasted until 1920.

Today, we have COVID-19, which started I believe in 2019. I believed I caught it during a time my immune system was low, as I laid in a hospital bed. After I got home from the hospital, that same day, I woke up with a really bad cold, I had a high fever, my body ached with pain, and I was having trouble breathing.

My chest hurt. I recovered within a month at home. I felt like I had shortened my life span. I was very weak afterward. Today, I feel back to my old self again. Healthy, vibrant, and energic. I am grateful to be here today.

I worry about the children and how all this will affect their little lives. Will they be traumatized? Will they be OK with all this? Children are so adaptable in many situations. It starts from a strong parent, a survivor themselves. A survivor who refuses to be a victim, but a survivor.

When I was talking to one of my children. She stated she had survived because of how strong I was during the bad times. I thanked her for that, I was feeling so guilty about the trauma I placed them through, by making bad choices.

As parents, we must forgive ourselves. I finally did as I write this book of survival. Some children will pull through. Some will have a rough start; some will make something of themselves. For their instincts, tells them to survive.

May God bless them, and continue to protect them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Trauma and My Kids

I was thinking the other day, how many of us are there, that have lived adverse lives. Not until I was really thinking of how we are affected by our traumas and how it has affected our lives, I saw a very extremely skinny, pretty young lady, in her early 20s. It reminded me about my trauma and my kids.

As she smiled, I saw she had only one front tooth. She had a very worn-out face.  I had been studying up to give a talk on how trauma affects our young. I decided to mention her, thinking, “what kind of pain has this little girl been suffering?” It turned out she was looking for her mom.

It just happened, her mom was visiting neighbors and was assisting with some home repairs and doing a good job, I might add.   When I saw her mom, she looked just like her. They were both very skinny and looked like they could use some good dental work. It was so sad that her mom was also using. What had happened here?

When we suffer from trauma ourselves, what can our children expect? Sometimes as parents, we are not good examples ourselves. I wanted to provide some advice to them, phone numbers, people to talk to. But I did not feel very comfortable with offering anything. So I just send them the white light of protection. I felt so bad. I prayed for them and sent positive energy, thinking this was the best I could do.

While I was thinking of them, I had a flashback. I would place a quarter in my oldest little girl’s pant pockets when I would wash her clothes, because on some evenings when I would get a feeling that my husband was going to come home drunk. When he was drunk, I knew I was going to get a beating.

I always would get a feeling that he was going to drink that day, just by the way he walked out the door. I was so well trained or something inside me, “just knew.”  I was very devoted to my church. I was very Religious’ back then. I was always told, “God hated a divorce”. What was I to do? Let him kill me and my kids?” I later quit that religion.

Anyway, that night, sure enough, my husband came home drunk. I told the children if they heard us fighting to escape out the window, and run to the neighbors. I told the oldest (who had the quarter in the pocket) to leave the kids with the neighbor and call the police.  I had hidden all the knives early that evening. He had already tried to slice my breast off at one time and I did not want to take any chances with the knives on the counter.

My poor kids. I thank Our Heavenly Father for his protection on that evening and for all the other times. I did get out of that marriage.  I am now learning all about how traumas affect children. God works in mysterious ways; my precious children were some of the strong ones. It brings tears to my eyes while escaping and we were all scared and crying.

I looked in the back seat and my 3-year-old son had his eyes closed and I asked him “Why are your eyes closed?” He answered, “I am praying to Jehovah to protect us mammy”… “Of course, HE did.”  Oh…brings tears to my eyes!

I take a closer look at children, now.

I was at the store a couple of years ago. I saw this lady walking and pushing a baby cart. I looked at this child and saw a very cute baby like maybe one year old. I bent down to say “hello,” and he had the coldest still look in his eyes. He did not look at me or smile, just like he was not here on this earth. Gave me the chills.

Mom was pregnant again. Next to her was a young man. He said he was excited about this baby coming soon. Mom had this weird look on her face.  Didn’t know her name, or his, to just have someone like the police or someone perform a “welfare check” on that child. All I could do was to pray and surround this child with the white light of the Holy Spirit. What could you have done?

I pray for all the children in the whole world. The children are all safe in my heart…my heart will keep them safe and my heart and prayers will go on and on.. and…

 

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What Are ACEs?

Finally, in 1998 someone decided to make an assessment test. This test was developed at the Center on the Developing Child at the Harvard University.  It has been implemented in many areas to use for screening on children and adults.

I learned that many therapists, phycologists, mental health counselors, life coaches, and anyone who wanted to help anyone, who had suffered a trauma in childhood and because of it, had changed their lives. These people were probably drawn to help others because they, themselves suffered the same kind of abuse or trauma.

Helping others to heal was and always will be the main reason you would want to do something about a severe problem that affected yourself or someone you love and care about.

Nadine H. Burke, a pediatrician M.D. saw evidence in her Center for Youth Wellness in San Francisco and wrote a book called “The Deep Well”. In that book she explains, the assessment test.

Depending on the score you can recognize that a child or person might have been producing unhealthy reserves of stress hormones.  Too much of this hormone in a child can do so much damage to the body. At a young age, this could trigger many illnesses and dysfunctional episodes in life. It can than result in many problems as you come to adulthood.

What are ACEs?

Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Screenings in which the California Surgeon General started implementing that many care givers, mental health providers, and those in a position to assist with helping victims of trauma, receive training guided by Dr. Burke, to use the ACE screenings and how to read them.  We are all effected by this.

The more ACEs a child experiences, the more likely he/she will suffer from things like diabetes, poor academic achievement, heart disease, some sort of substance abuse, and jail, or prison time.

Experiencing a frequent number of ACEs, things like stress from any routine task such as simple daily decision making, even as rudimentary as “What should I wear to work today?” Especially, if you work at a place where you have to be presentable, talk to people, or deal with people’s money.  Like work at a coffee kiosk, flower shop, gas station register, or other working environments where you could be triggered by anything (which most likely would not make sense to anyone else) that could throw you into severe “toxic stress”. This type of excessive activation of stress to the nervous system can lead to long lasting wear and tear on the brain and especially the body.

Today! How about the coronavirus? COVID 19 is a virus/illness that effects the lungs. It can spread from person to person and can be picked up from touching contaminating surfaces. That is why people should wash their hands as often as possible. Especially when getting home. Our children don’t always wash their hands. I have seen parents not wearing masks, taking their children to grocery stores, kids putting their fingers into their mouths, etc. How is it effecting our children?

As we talk about trauma and its effect on our children? Right now, some children do not have much to eat. Some schools are in their kitchens making breakfast, for kids to come in pick up the food and take it home to eat. Some buses are going to rural areas and delivering lunches. I know this because my daughter works for a school district and makes sure the buses are running on time.

But what happens when mom or dad can’t work due to the virus?  Because the virus spreads so quickly, children are stuck at home, they miss their friends, and they should not go outside to play.

Many places are banned at this time, like places of worship, workplaces are closed, children cannot go to school (that’s understandable, a very unsanitary environment). Some adults can’t go to work.

These changes are very stressful for the family as a whole.

I am afraid for the children. How is this new situation affecting them? Who is going to help? That’s why it is important for us to learn about trauma and what we can do about it.

Traumas are often repeated through families and when we address and treat them, we can break the inter-generational cycle. How powerful is that?

 

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What should I call it? Trauma?  PTSD? ADHD?

This subject is a hard subject for many of us who have suffered trauma as a child and as an adult as well. Do the pain and suffering ever stop? Yes, somewhat. But there are times when something or someone will trigger a flashback and if you are not used to dismissing the emotion of it. It could ruin an otherwise happy moment.

I was with a friend having a fun time, but the way he took off his belt from his waist, sent me back to an abusive spouse. My friend was just been playful.  I tried not to let it ruin the fun. I kept it inside and tried to dismiss it and reminded myself inside me, that “I am in a safe place and I am no longer in danger.…”

While the mind tries to forget, the survival part of the brain continues to send signals to the body that it is under a threat. When survivors blow up at a boyfriend or freeze in fear when someone disagrees with them, they rarely realize that these “irrational” reactions are triggered by imprints of a horrifying event from the past.

It’s virtually impossible to revisit those experiences without also reliving the terror and helplessness that accompanied them. Like with the smell of a certain cigarette. I can tell if it is a Camel cigarette brand or not, but most of the time it is a Camel brand. Other cigarette brands don’t get my attention. A little child crying by himself or herself in a corner triggers me. I want to run to them and save them from the monster who is hurting them. What can I do?

Most of us require assistance to feel safe enough to explore those events without also reliving the terror or horror, to truly put our experience in perspective and that ordeal belongs to the past.

If you can safely revisit them you can recognize that we were too small, scared, or powerless to protect ourselves.  Then you can not only heal yourself but take care of the wounded parts of yourself.  By talking to those wounded parts and explaining to them that now “you are in a safe place”. Talking to your inner child who suffered that pain, and telling your inner child she/he “is no longer in danger”.

Go to an experienced Clinical Hypnotherapist who understands what you are going through, or someone like a Shaman, Curandera/healer. They could help too.

I understand now, how trauma interferes with relationships, and friends after you have survived all this.  I would love to help others to heal as well.

Continue to understand that subconsciously and not understanding why you’ve reacted to something like you did, was because of something that happened to you that has changed you to someone you really do not recognize yourself!

Remember, “you are not alone!”

As an adult now, I have volunteered my services by working with children from 5 years old to 18 years of age. I have been volunteering for the past 15 and some years now. Showing children, both girls, and boys, “We will be OK and you are not alone.”

For more information on how you can help a child or get help. Located in Washington State. You can get on the Web and type onto {campvictoryforchildren.org) or call 360-791-7566 ask for Andera, Camp Victory Director.

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Is there such thing as being born with trauma?

Let’s see, how could this happen? Well, there could be, like in my case, a very violent and neglectful father, who got my mother pregnant and was forced by my grandfather to marry my mother in a real-life “shotgun marriage.”  As my mother told me this story, she later loved my father and had eight more children from him. I say she loved him because she put up with his drinking, beatings, and cheatings in their marriage. I, being one of the older ones, remember a lot of the unfortunate times.

One of my siblings was having a hard time in her life and said she went through a past life regression at her church and relived her life as in our mother’s womb.  She remembered, our Mom crying a lot. She was in pain and very sad. Suddenly, my sibling started crying uncontrollably and was awakened out of hypnosis. As she related this story to me, I did recall my Mother telling me horrifying stories about my fathers’ abuse. But, yet I remember my Mother being a strong woman. She had children whom she loved more than life. I remember my Mother telling us she wanted more for her children. She died at an early age of 52 years old from a car accident, that only my father survived. (Just our luck.)

I felt I was born with trauma along with some of my other siblings. Hearing and witnessing my father viciously assaulting my Mother, the effect of the stress and our terrified mother suffering while pregnant, her hormones secreted past thru her umbilical cord to her terrified unborn children. All this is passed on to the unborn child.

I was talking to one of my brothers and he stated I was born “mean” and” heartless” since I was a little girl. I remember I was always angry, scared of being separated from my Mom.  I hated my brothers and sisters.

I asked my Mom, “Why did you have so many kids?” Mom said, “You were all a gift from God”. Now at my age, I know what happened, no need to blame God… Imagine hearing your father constantly yelling “What! Another useless girl! And later Raping this little girl, at age of 5, “because that’s all they are good for!”

I made bad choices in marrying the same kind of men as my father, repeatedly. Later, I woke up and wanted something more for myself and my children. I could have winded up on drugs, mentally ill, or in jail, or prison.  Believe me, I still have issues and am trying to work through them. Trauma is something that is with you whether you know it or not. It attacks you and those you love. Checking on yourself is a 24/7 job. It is not easy.

Trauma… (sigh…) Today, I have worked with the chronic mentally ill for over 23 years and gathering information, pieces of training, and experiences in healing.  I also volunteer at an all-girls program for sexually molested girls from the age of 5 to 18 called Camp Victory.

If you want more information about how you can help or volunteer can be found at “campvitoryforchildren.org”

You, empowered to help others is a good way to “survive” and help other victims cope and have hope for a better life.